I Guess it was in the Cards
by Nenya85
Summary: COMPLETE! How does Seto's past affect his and Yami's future? Character development Please Read & Review
1. Prologue

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW.** I would love to know if you like it, how you think it's going, and if everyone is staying in character.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This is my first attempt at a long fanfic with everybody staying in character. With one exception, each chapter is narrated by either Yami or Seto Kaiba. I got cold feet and labeled the point of view, but I hope you can tell who's the narrator even without that. Please let me know how that works out.

I used the Prologue to set everything up, tell you where everyone is, etc. The story takes place after Battle City, and assumes that the Ancient Egypt story line from the manga is over. Since it isn't, and I don't have a clue what's going to happen, I just ignored it and made up my own quickie ending so I could get everyone back to Domino, where they belong! I also put Yami and Yugi in two separate bodies, simply because it was easier, as they are going to be in relationships with two different people. I mean, Yugi's really good to his friends, but I think that this would stretch the limits of even his generousity.

**MANGA NOTE:** I use the manga version of events, where possible, with mentions of the Video Game episodes and Noa's Arc thrown in, simply because they have a lot of the Kaiba brothers and I like them. When necessary, I'll put in a Manga Note explaining plot or character changes, but not here, because this is too long already!

**DISCLAIMER:** I feel kind of silly saying this, but in case you don't know – I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

**WARNING NOTE:** Author chooses not to warn.

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**PROLOGUE**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

When I was still a spirit in Yugi's puzzle, and still going to High School, I remember his teacher telling us that the ancient Chinese believed that if you saved a person's life, they were yours forever. I supposed that's as good an explanation as any for what followed…

Battle City had ended, as had my attempts to regain my memory. Yami Bakura had been defeated, and six of the seven Millennium Items had been returned. All except my puzzle. The Guardian of Memory had offered me a choice: I could continue as I was; I could return the seventh piece, regain all my memories and depart to wherever spirits finally go; or I could keep the puzzle for this lifetime and go on to create new memories, accepting that the past was lost forever. Kaiba had once told me, as we walked through the streets of Domino, that he envied me, having a past shrouded in darkness – that he had sealed his past to allow his future to continue. It was one of the few times I can remember him making a personal observation. In the end I made the same choice, and I was content.

Yugi and I were separate now. Anzu had finally had to chose between us. To my relief, she had chosen Yugi. Ever since that duel with Jounouchi which Yugi had fought alone, I think Anzu had started to see the same Yugi I had come to know. Beneath the tenderness, he had a strength that surpassed mine. I knew power in all its forms. Yugi knew people. He could see into their hearts, as if he possessed Pegasus' Millennium Eye, and his judgement of what he saw was more acute and more merciful than mine. I was just glad that Anzu had the sense to realize it.

Now we were all back in Domino. Even Kaiba. He had gone to America at the end of Battle City, to reclaim his dream of creating a Kaiba Land for children, and he had pursued his goal with his usual single minded intensity.

He was even more famous now, but I don't think the media knew what to make of him, either. His duel disk system swept America, Japan's latest gaming import. He installed dueling platforms, and Virtual Reality systems in orphanages, foster care agencies and shelters from Japan to America, cutting into even his soaring profits. Not that it mattered – he fired his Board of Directors yet again, and fought off two hostile takeovers. According to one source, he was trying to buying back all the weapons he had designed for Kaiba Corporation so that he could destroy them. If Gozaburo had sold his soul to the military, he seemed intent on reclaiming it one weapon at a time. It was hard to tell fact from the many rumors that swirled around him. Kaiba gave no interviews.

So we were all back in Domino, but I still had a sense of unfinished business. As he had remarked as he flew off to America, our battle was not yet over.

Then the invitation came. It was vintage Kaiba. A nameless corporate employee had called. Mokuba wanted to see us all before school started, so Kaiba was arranging a pool party for the weekend. Arranging was the right word. Mokuba had greeted us at the door, and dragged us all over the house, laughing and talking the whole time. Kaiba had grunted hello and disappeared, presumably to work in his office.


	2. Ch 1 The Party

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it, and how you think it's going, but I would settle for knowing that people are actually reading it! ****

CHAPTER 1: THE PARTY

SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

I should have learned by now not to make any more promises to Mokuba. But it seems that I just can't help myself. I should have expected disaster when I joined them at the pool for an evening swim. Or came as close to joining them as I ever did: I sat at a table near the water, working on my lap top. My only concession to the party atmosphere and the heat was that my trench coat was neatly folded beside me. I was in my usual long sleeve shirt, collar-less this time, and pants. 

They say a pebble can cause an avalanche. Or in this case, a volleyball. The mutt was the catalyst of course. I had been so quiet they had almost forgotten I was there. Certainly Jounouchi had, for once. Until he was reminded of my presence when he crashed into me, knocking me flying. In slow motion I saw my arm fly out, the thin silk of the sleeve ripping as it caught on the edge of the table.

Inevitably, they came running over to help. That's what they do best. Of course they noticed the scar. It ran the length of my forearm, from my inner wrist to where it disappeared into the torn sleeve. A burn so deep it looked and felt like silk, not skin. "What's that?" the mutt had yelped, as if it wasn't obvious. 

"In case you can't figure it out on your own, it's a burn," I sneered. I resisted the urge to pull down the sleeve as I walked to the house. There was a moment's pause, then I could hear them returning to their game as I waved Mokuba back to the pool. No one else followed.

A reputation for being moody and unapproachable has its advantages.

The next morning I realized that a reputation for being evil is even better. Especially when they saw the marks of my fist on Mokuba's cheek. Jounouchi jumped up, as I knew he would. "What the hell happened?" he yelled. 

Good. I only needed to add a little more fuel to this fire. "What does it look like, mutt?"

I had forgotten how hard he could hit. And my smiling only made him swing harder. I don't know if he was fighting me or his father, but that was fine. I do that myself, every time I pick up my deck. Besides, the pain was a relief. Until Mokuba ruined it, as he always does. "Nisama, you promised." Ironically it was as I turned towards him that I heard the crack, as Jounouchi's fist found my ribs. As I whirled to leave the room, I could hear Mokuba yelling, "It was an accident. He was having a nightmare. He forgot to lock his room. I went to wake him up, and he hit me before he knew what he was doing."

Great. 

Idly I wonder why I would rather have a roomful of people think that I'm a monster who deliberately beats his brother, than know I have nightmares. But it doesn't matter. Accidentally or deliberately, once again I have hurt my brother.


	3. Ch 2 Searching for Seto Kaiba

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it, and how you think it's going, but I would settle for knowing that people are actually reading it! 

CHARACTER DIFFERENCES: Tea from the cartoon is annoying enough that I can sympathize with the many efforts to kill her off. But Anzu from the manga, is a different person. When the situation gets tense, she is often the person who does what needs to be done, or says what needs to be said, whether it's clobbering a zombie professor to save Jou's life, or getting Mokuba to open up to the group.

MANGA NOTES: The story also relies on the manga version of Yami Yugi and Seto Kaiba's history – after all, eventually this is a romance. (Not that their first meetings were romantic!) If you're familiar with the manga, please skip to the story. Otherwise bear with me. When they first meet, Kaiba steals the BEWD from Sugoroku (Yugi's grandfather). To teach him a lesson, Yami plays a shadow game with him, where the monsters come to life. Kaiba loses when the BEWD destroys itself rather than attack Yugi. Kaiba ends up in the Duel Monster world, presumably about to be killed by its inhabitants.

At this point Kaiba has become a replica of Gozaburo. He's driven only by a desire to win, and he wants revenge on Yugi. Interestingly, he's the first person to realize that there are two of them in there. Anyway, Kaiba forces Yugi and his friends to compete in this Death-T virtual reality tournament that could really kill them. Mokuba insists on being one of Yugi's challengers, and when Yugi beats him, Kaiba forces Mokuba to go through the "death simulation chamber" that he had prepared for Yugi. Yugi hears Mokuba screaming and rescues him. He then beats Kaiba, and "shatters" his heart. Kaiba is in a coma until he can put the puzzle pieces of his heart back together.

CHAPTER 2: SEARCHING FOR SETO KAIBA ****

YAMI'S NARRATIVE

"What was the nightmare about?" Anzu asked. Mokuba looked down the hallway, torn between chasing after his Nisama, and answering, but the temptation of being able to exonerate his brother was too strong. Also he was used to confiding in Anzu. She always listened as though she really cared, and not too many people did that when Seto Kaiba was the subject.

I don't know how it started," he said, "but when I came in he was screaming about that Death T Tournament." 

"I guess having your heart shattered is enough to give anyone nightmares," my aibou had said softly. 

"No, that wasn't it. He thought I was stuck in the Death Simulation chamber. He kept screaming that he'd killed me. He dreams that a lot."

"Mokuba, what did you make him promise?" Anzu asked even more gently. Mokuba hesitated. Finally he whispered, "He was so guilty. He couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. I got scared, so I made him promise not to hurt himself."

"So the bastard used me to do it for him," Jounouchi said, luckily too quietly for Mokuba to hear.

I wasn't sure why I was the one who ended up going Kaiba's office to find him, but I felt a need to make sure that the other boy was all right – a need that surprised me. I've always found Kaiba compelling and infuriating, in almost equal measures. In our first two encounters I had even planned to kill him, only to reluctantly discover something worth saving.

In our first duel, I had been disturbed by his unbridled glee at the thought that it might end in his death. I had made the monsters come alive to frighten him, but I had found myself attracted instead by his almost child-like joy in the creatures. And so I had not been able to kill him in the end. Oh, I kept my promise after a fashion – he had indeed "experienced death" at the hands of his own duel monsters. But I made sure that the boy knew that it was only an illusion. I tried to awaken an understanding of the cards in his heart, but only succeeded in stirring his ever-present desire for revenge.

I had planned to kill him after we had finally run the gauntlet of the Death T Tournament. I expected to see only unredeemed evil when I faced him. Instead I saw a boy (and Kaiba could seem surprisingly young at times) who was in so much pain that he lashed out at anyone or anything around him. So I stayed my hand and gave him a painful second chance to rebuild his life and his heart.

Thinking about Kaiba was like looking through a kaleidoscope where the fragments never seemed to fit. There was the twisted boy whose heart I deliberately shattered; the young man who returned, telling no one of his journey, keeping the world at a distance, seemingly moved only by his love for his little brother. There was the duelist who was consumed with anger and hate every time he touched his deck; the warrior who defeated destiny -- proudly proclaiming as he did so, that what was in men's hearts could surpass even God. Finally there was the brother who flew off to America to reclaim what Mokuba always insisted was his true dream. It seemed like too many people to answer to a one-word name.

"Kaiba!" I called.


	4. Ch 3 The First Game

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it, and how you think it's going, but I would settle for knowing that people are actually reading it!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I know the chapters are short, but I'm not sure what to do. I had planned to have each chapter be a different character's narrative (mostly Kaiba and Yami, although Mokuba sticks his nose in later). I could either post a couple of short chapters at once, or just get over this fetish for making each chapter a separate narrative and switch POVs in mid-chapter. What do you think?

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CHAPTER 3: THE FIRST GAME

SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

"Kaiba!"

"Go away."

I wonder if there will ever come a time when I don't hate the sound of my adopted name. The name that has been imposed on me. The name I have chosen. I have often wondered what sort of parents would name their eldest son "Turmoil." But my given name has never has the power to wound that the more innocent sounding "Seahorse" does. And at the moment, I didn't need a shouted reminder that I was indeed a Kaiba. Someone capable of hurting his own brother.

I should have expected Yami. Except for Yugi, no one else would have bothered coming to find me – and Yugi was too shy to barge in where he was so obviously unwanted. But Yami was different. He was powerful, stern and sure of himself -- although he had shown surprising flashes of gentleness and insight – or were those glimpses of Yugi, instead? I knew I could beat Yugi, if he fought without his Yami. For the first time, I wondered if the reverse was true -- would Yami would be as formidable an opponent now? Was he still the same duelist without Yugi's voice in his ear? Well, whoever the hell he was, I didn't want him. And it was my office.

"Go away," I repeated.

"I came to see if you're all right."

"You came. You've seen. Now go."

With my usual exquisitely bad luck, I picked that moment to cough. Yami saw my involuntary wince. Great. Now I'd probably never get rid of him, I thought, warming to the challenge.

"You need a doctor. Or a hospital."

I kept staring at the computer screen, ignoring him. I had blackened half of it so I could see his reflection. It was a waiting game now, and I've always liked games. I could see him trying to find a lever that would make me listen, make me do what he wanted. I could see it in his eyes when he found it. But he hesitated, probably out of some misguided sense of fair play. He went ahead anyway, as I knew he would, as he always does -- throwing down his winning card, "Mokuba will be here soon. Do you really want him to see you in pain? He feels responsible enough as it is."

It always comes back to Mokuba. My little brother and my impossible promises.

"I concede," I said wearily, "You're right. I'll call a doctor. Mokuba doesn't deserve this."

I'll never understand Yami. He had just won, yet his face was a study in frustration, his eyes flashed with anger. "Why do you always insist that you're worthless? That only Mokuba's life has any value? Mokuba doesn't deserve this? You're the one with a cracked rib! What about what you deserve?"

"We both know what I deserve."

"You didn't mean to hurt him. It was an accident."

"This time."

This was no longer a game. I suddenly looked down, realizing I had been scratching my left arm, harder and harder. If I was going to have any chance of keeping my latest promise to Mokuba, I had to end this conversation, quick.

I reached for the speaker phone button. "Tell Dr. Inoa at Kaiba Land to get over here."

I turned back to the computer and more of the waiting game. 


	5. Ch 4 Trap Card

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it, how you think it's going, and if everyone is staying in character.**

**CHAPTER 4: TRAP CARD**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

Luckily Dr. Inoa came quickly, since I was getting tired of staring at the back of Kaiba's head. But I decided to let him salvage at least the small, childish, victory of refusing to talk to me. Dr. Inoa was the only person I had ever seen look on Kaiba with an almost parental affection. He was certainly old enough to have known him as a child. "Come on, Seto," he said quietly. "Let's get you to the couch so I can look at you. 

I had never heard anyone use Kaiba's given name before. To Mokuba he was Nisama. To the rest of the world, Kaiba. I expected an explosion, or at least a sneer, but the boy went dociley to the couch, grunting a little with the effort.

Kaiba glared at me until I went to the other side of the room, before lifting his shirt. Dr. Inoa was asking him what had happened, but Kaiba was too occupied with not groaning to answer. So I explained, "It was a fight. Jounouchi punched him in the ribs. But it didn't look hard enough to do this much damage."

I was surprised to see Kaiba smile grimly, as if he had solved a puzzle only to claim a particularly unpleasant prize. "So that's why you stayed with me all this time. You didn't really have to worry about the mutt. I wasn't going to throw him in the pound. And Dr. Inoa won't say a word, at least, he never has in the past." He added smiling up maliciously.

It was so typical of Kaiba to assume that I was concerned only about Jounouchi, that I didn't bother correcting his misjudgment of my motives. The doctor helped him up as if nothing had been said, lending weight to Kaiba's words. "You've probably reinjured that rib. I'll need an X-Ray to be sure. Is the machine still in the basement?" At Kaiba's nod, he added, "Do you want your friend to come with you, Seto?"

"You of all people should know – I have no friends," Kaiba sneered, as they left.

I was glad when Yugi joined me in the now deserted office. I know everyone looked to me as the strong one, but in truth, I took comfort in my aibou's presence, was drawn to his light. We didn't talk, just leaned against each other, as if we still shared his body. I smiled at the memory. I had first emerged as Yugi's defender. But he had moved past that need, and if I had stayed a part of him, I would have weakened, not strengthened him; would have offered not a refuge, but a cage. Yugi hadn't realized how far beyond me he had grown. But I was his true protector in all things, and I knew it was time to let him go. Even so, I treasured these quiet moments, when I could feel the bond that connected us, as strong as ever. 

All too soon, we could hear Kaiba arguing with the doctor in the hallway. "No pain killers," Kaiba was insisting. "Some of Mokuba's school friends are coming over. Their parents think I'm too young to be responsible for him as it is. It's bad enough you can tell that I've been in a fight. How do you think they'll react if I'm on drugs too?"

Kaiba broke off as they entered the room. If the doctor was surprised to see my almost identical twin, he didn't show it. The news was as we had expected. Kaiba had broken a rib. (Or re-broken it as the doctor had said, although no one explained how or when the original injury had occurred.) We followed them through the office to the bedroom beyond.

"I'm sorry," said Yugi. "Maybe we should leave so that you can get some rest."

It was indeed a day of surprises…

"Don't go…..Please," said Kaiba. "I promised Mokuba you guys would stay for the weekend."

I should have worried when I saw Yugi's face light up in a mischievous grin. "Sure. We'll stay. We'll even help with the party. If you agree that Yami stays and helps out until you feel better.

On cue, Anzu entered with Mokuba. I noted that Mokuba looked at Dr. Inoa for instructions before running to his brother. He settled himself carefully on the bed, avoiding his brother's left side. I filed away the knowledge that he had clearly done this before.

Unfortunately, Mokuba had heard Yugi's less than brilliant suggestion. 

"Great idea!" he shouted. Kaiba and I probably had identical looks of horror and resignation on our faces, but neither of us could bring ourselves to dampen Mokuba's mood.

"Don't worry Mokuba," Kaiba said softly. "I won't ruin your weekend."

"It wasn't your fault. It was Jou! He should have known you wouldn't hurt me!"

But Kaiba surprised me once again. He looked at Mokuba sternly and said, "How should he know that? He once saw me almost kill you. He was only trying to protect you. I can't blame him for that." He looked at me and sneered, "Even if he is just a stupid mutt." 

"Don't worry," Yugi said as we left, still able to read my mind. "You know even if you're here, we'll never be really apart."

"All right," I said. "Just tell me why this is a good idea."

"Well," Anzu said with a grin, "You make quite a pair. You've lived in a puzzle for 3,000 years, and we've always wondered if Kaiba was raised by wolves."

"Besides," said Yugi, "You like protecting people, and Kaiba ..."

"Needs protecting less than anyone I know." I finished.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** As is probably obvious, this is pretty Kaiba-centric. Originally I had seperated Yami and Yugi simply as a plot device. Then I started wondering how being in an independent body would change Yami. I am trying to stay in character, while showing how this would affect him. In the manga, during his rare moments of self-doubt, it's Yugi who pulls him through. And every time an important decision has to be made, Yami defers to Yugi. You get the feeling it's not just because Yami's in Yugi's body – it's also because Yami trusts his judgement. Hopefully, this makes the story less obsessively Kaiba-centric, although he's still the main character. I would love feedback.


	6. Ch 5 Comforting Thoughts

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it, how you think it's going, and if everyone is staying in character. It was really encouraging to see so many reviews.

MANGA NOTES: In the dubbed version, Seto's motives are very simple – protect Mokuba and get Egyptian God Cards. In the manga, beyond protecting Mokuba, Seto has several intertwined motives. He has promised Mokuba that they would build Kaiba Land as a paradise for unwanted children, he has destroyed Kaiba Corporations capability for manufacturing weapons, and is trying to create only things that will make people happy (such altruistic goals, for such a dark, seemingly self-centered character). He also feels guilty over his role in designing weapons, although the manga indicates that he was tricked into it. In Noa's Arc in the subtitled anime they have Kaiba designing a video game that gets used as a weapon. I think that's pretty far-fetched, so I came up with my own more ambiguous explanation.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know, this is another very short chapter, but I felt that it needed to stand alone.

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CHAPTER 5: COMFORTING THOUGHTS

SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

I found Yami's presence almost… comforting. A word I shied away from using, even in my thoughts.

Yet I returned to it.

Comforting…

I rolled it around on my tongue, like an enticing and possibly poisonous fruit.

Comforting…

I prodded it with my mind as if it was a sleekly beautiful snake that might spring at any moment.

Comforting…

I suppose to most people, the word is bland, even boring. That just highlights the gap between me and "most" people. I found the word exotic, even wondrous.

I suppose those same people would also find it an odd word to apply to the presence of a man who, at last count, had almost killed me three times. But Yami had only been the latest in a long line of people who had wanted, or tried, to kill me. 

Besides, the second time at least, I had deserved it.

It would be a comforting (that word again!) self-serving conceit to pretend that anyone faced with my choices would have made the same wrong turns. Or I could pretend that I was misled; that when I had first met him, I had really thought Gozaburo was a kindly old man. But why add hypocrisy to mass murder on my list of sins?

I thought I knew everything about Gozaburo that I needed to. I knew adoption by him would give me the money and power I needed to protect Mokuba, not just the scant, temporary protection I could offer in the orphanage, but for life.

I knew Gozaburo was crazy enough and vengeful enough to adopt me if I beat him publicly. He would want me under his control, where he could pick me apart at his leisure. And I knew that he would be so focused on destroying me that Mokuba would be safe, unnoticed in his house. I really should have considered a career as a fortune teller. 

But the one thing I didn't know was that he would win.

And I didn't know what I would become, or the death and destruction I would cause.

When all is said and done, how many people have designed missile guidance systems, bomber jets and fighter planes before their 13th birthday? I could claim ignorance, I suppose. After all, I was just a child. (Except, I was never a child.) I actually thought the weapons I was designing were homework assignments. It seems a strange thing to believe, but that brief stint at Domino High School after Gozaburo's death was the extent of my formal education. I had nothing to compare Gozaburo's bizarre lessons in engineering and biochemistry to.

But that doesn't absolve me, and I doubt my victims would take any comfort in being killed through ignorance rather than malice. I might not have known much about the standard school curriculum, but I did know Gozaburo. So why did I believe his explanations? I suppose the truth is that I was too numb to notice or care, until it was too late. All completing an assignment meant to me was one more hour of sleep; one less beating. And I had learned to ask no questions that did not relate directly to my own survival.

Most people never meet the demons inside of them. But I know precisely how evil, how vile I can be. After painfully gathering the pieces of my soul once, I don't think I would ever embrace that darkness again. But the point is, I can't be sure. So I find myself comforted by the presence of a man who can shatter my heart with a word, who has the power to kill me, if it becomes necessary.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to Ally, AnimeFan Artemis, Callisto Firestarter, Dodsrule W, Kagemihari, Kimi no Vanilla, Lone Wolf 55Mezu, Red Dragon 4, Rowan and Sakura, Solitare, Solitaire and Xpryne, Spirit Star, Swoot, Tammi 1, Tuulikki, Unsolvable Riddle, and Yami Jeff, who was my first reviewer. I'm glad you like the story, and think it's staying in character – I think that's the hardest part. Thanks for reminding me to disable the 'reject anonymous reviews feature' – boy did I feel silly! And thanks for the 3,000 years, 5,000 years reminder. I always get that confused, and will correct it. Also there was a great link on Tuulikki's profile that gives explanations of all the names! 


	7. Ch 6 Nightmares

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it, how you think it's going, and if everyone is staying in character. It's really encouraging to see so many reviews.**

**CHAPTER 6: NIGHTMARES**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

There were times when I yearned for the simpler rhythms of life in Yugi's house, full of the noise and clutter of daily life. I missed the comforting routine of going to school, meeting friends, having dinner with Sugoroku, and talking with Yugi into the night. We had always been two separate individuals, but we had grown closer over the years. Sometimes I would swear that I still heard him, as if my conscience spoke with his voice, even now that we were apart. I missed being submerged in him, being able to sense his thoughts, his feelings. 

Now I was living in Kaiba's mansion. Whole floors were empty, or inhabited only by ghosts. I was trying to take care of the most self-reliant person I knew. I had been so used to deferring to Yugi, that I had unthinkingly agreed to his decision to have me stay. But I wondered now who he was trying to help – Kaiba or myself. For the first time, away from Yugi, I was learning to live by myself, as a single and not a fused entity. I was learning to be alone, to listen for my own voice, to rely on my own judgement. And I was living with a man, who for all his faults – for all his viciousness -- knew how to do this; who had shown great courage in facing his life; had learned to make his own decisions and accept the consequences when he was ten years old. 

I had grown accustomed to sharing my life with people whose hearts I knew intimately. Although I had shattered his, Kaiba remained a mystery to me. At times I wished for Shadi's lost key to see into his soul. It seemed unlikely I would understand him any other way. His conversation was brief and factual. It revealed nothing. His thoughts and feelings were hidden, I suspected even from himself. His face was an unreadable, emotionless mask.

"There's no point trying to read his face." Mokuba said, breaking into my thoughts. I wondered if I had spoken aloud. We were eating lunch and Kaiba was no where to be found. "You got to concentrate on his eyes. Or try the shoulders and hands. When he's feeling something deep, they tighten up." I smiled at Mokuba. I was starting to feel like he was my little co-conspirator. I was learning, somewhat ruefully, that few of his utterances were as spontaneous as they seemed.

They were a team, the Kaiba brothers – bonded as deeply as Yugi and I. I knew little of their early life, just what I had gleamed from Mokuba's hurried confidences, whispered when Kaiba was out of earshot, or from my observations in Noa's world. But I was coming to guess what it had cost Kaiba to preserve Mokuba's sunny optimism. It was as if against his excesses and flaws was set the life of this one small boy – and somehow it made the scales of his heart balance.

If life was unexpectedly complicated now, at least Kaiba was a model patient. Or maybe it was just that he was so wrapped up in the new duel disk system he was designing, he was content to lie on the couch scowling at the computer, occasionally barking orders into the speaker phone, or exploding when a call from the main office interrupted his train of thought. His employees seemed to take it all in stride, so I concluded that this was his normal behavior, and not the result of pain or enforced inactivity.

The only people he showed any tolerance for were the game and system designers who called periodically with glitches, the more complicated the better, it seemed. He would call up their programs or schematics and talk them through the problem, with a patience I had seen him show only to Mokuba. I had thought of him solely as a duelist, as my rival. Now I realized that it was just one part of his life. In truth, he had little time to spend on his obsession. I saw him moving easily in a different world – respected for his business acumen, admired for his undeniable technological genius. For the first time I realized, though I had long known it, that not just his and Mokuba's livelihood, but the fortunes of this entire international enterprise rested on his thin shoulders. I had vague memories of ruling a country. But I had been surrounded by family, friends, and advisors, his past-life self among them. Kaiba had only Mokuba.

I had volunteered to pick up Mokuba after school. Kaiba reluctantly allowed it. It was more that just an unwillingness to entrust Mokuba's safety to anyone else. He clearly missed the chore, but for all my past lives I couldn't see why. My most vivid memory of Mokuba's friends had been of the time when they had terrorized Yugi. Although I was forced to concede that they weren't quite as evil as I remembered, they were even louder. They would hang out the windows of Kaiba's limo screaming at their friends, and it seemed, even passers-by. Then, if I was particularly unlucky, they would go to an even noisier arcade and pretend to kill each other. I was reminded of Kaiba even in his absence; of how his eyes would soften as he watched Mokuba and his annoying friends – their obnoxious exuberance proof of another promise kept.

We would return to find Kaiba still working. Mokuba would flop down beside him and begin his homework, grumbling the whole time. Mokuba, like his brother, functioned as an adult for so much of the time, it was funny to see him whining about his assignments. And I admit that he had a point. It was strange to see someone capable of hacking into Pegasus' database forced to write page after page of simple equations. Kaiba was sympathetic but inflexible, sternly checking each page to make sure it was perfect. He even skimmed through the assigned novels and short stories so that he would be able to tell if Mokuba had answered the questions correctly, although he declined discussing them. He made me smile by confiding that he couldn't see why anyone would want to waste their time on the made-up problems of imaginary people. In this, as in so much else, Mokuba was more open minded. Although he disliked his assignments, he devoured fantasy books and mangas.

I had long been impressed by the depth of Kaiba's devotion to Mokuba, though bothered by its self-sacrificial nature. But it was endearing to watch him struggle through the daily challenges of raising his little brother. In truth, he was far too young and volatile himself for the responsibility. He would alternate between almost ignoring the boy tagging along at his heels, and then suddenly focusing on him with the same unnerving intensity he gave his deck and his systems designs. Mokuba, for his part, would coax his Nisama to eat, to rest, and most poignantly, try to convince him of a reason for living beyond his numerous promises. At times it was hard to tell who was looking after whom.

After dinner the brothers would sprawl on the couch again; Kaiba to return to work and Mokuba to either play Gameboy or try to hack into his school's computer until he finally passed out. 

The one thing Kaiba resented the most about his injury was that I was the one who carried Mokuba to bed. He would follow me, waiting until I left before approaching the bed. As I was walking out the door, I would turn to catch a glimpse of him smoothing Mokuba's hair or bending to kiss his cheek. As close as they were, I had seen Kaiba embrace his beloved brother only once; after being re-united at Duelist's Kingdom. I wondered if Mokuba knew that his Nisama hugged and kissed him every night, finally free to express his love.

When Kaiba returned, we would talk far into the night. I don't know if he wanted my company or just a way to avoid sleep. The semi-darkness of his bedroom was the perfect place to exchange confidences. Since this was Kaiba, we talked about duel monsters instead. Yugi had asked him at Duelist's Kingdom if he had discovered the heart of the cards. I could sense, from his awkward conversations, punctuated with silences, that he was still groping for an answer.

_"Was the Harpy Lady really as impervious as she seemed? Were her eyes haughty or sad? Did Buster Blader hate dragons, or did he love them, even as he sent them to the graveyard? Did he feel triumph or sorrow at their destruction? Was the Celtic Guardian bitter at his own powerlessness?"_

As I tried to answer his stilted questions, I wondered if we weren't exchanging confidences after all.

And so I would tell him of my shattered memories, of being thrust back into the past, trying to save a kingdom I couldn't remember. Of my bargain with the Guardian of Memory, how I had wanted another chance, how I was trying to live in the present, accepting the gaps in my past. Kaiba was a good listener. He didn't speak, just an occasional 'hai' to let me know he was there, or a tentative touch on my arm, as if to reassure me. His blue eyes were expressive for once, alive with concern.

He didn't realize that I stayed by his side every night, watching over his sleep, waiting for his nightmares. He would never have knowingly risked revealing so much of himself, and his damnable pride would have rejected the suggestion that he needed help, even in sleep. 

But the past he refused to acknowledge returned at night. He would thrash in bed as though fighting someone bigger and stronger. Harsh screams, chilling laughter, all the sounds that would never escape by day, were released now. The first night I tried to restrain him. I tried screaming his name. But either my grip, or the sound of my shouted "Kaiba" only inflamed him further, until I was afraid that his flailing arms would injure one, or both of us. And I began to worry – if he woke up now and knew I had seen him like this, he would never forgive me. 

I remembered the doctor, and tried cradling him in my arms, unlikely solution though that seemed. "Seto," I said softly, the first time I had used his name. "It's alright. You're safe." I held him in my arms, until he gradually quieted and slept peacefully. It was only then, when it stopped, that I realized an odd beeping sound had accompanied the nightmare.

I used to stay up all night at Yugi's house, watching him sleep; watching the dreams chase each other across his face. Content because he was safe. I had missed that feeling of being needed. That feeling of being at peace with the world in the dark watches of the night. Ironically, Kaiba had returned that to me. 

He even reminded me of Yugi, a little, as he lay curled on his side. His face was peaceful, although his hands never unclenched, even in sleep. Abruptly, I realized why he made me so angry, so often. I had long known and accepted that in some basic way we were akin. But he had no business being like me. He was scarcely more than a boy. He should have resembled Yugi or even Mokuba, instead. I hated watching him charging blindly ahead, giving Mokuba the comfort he denied himself, fighting his many battles, running his business – all the while denying the shadow that lay across his past – too proud and stubborn to admit he was in over his head. In a way, my anger was a blessing. Kaiba had chosen to be a warrior, not a victim. We would both prefer anger to any emotion so perilously close to pity.

Each night was a repeat of the last. On the fourth night, the mysterious beeping was finally explained when Mokuba entered the room through the adjoining door. He had broken the code on the electronic lock. He stopped short when he saw me, holding Kaiba in my arms. Luckily the older boy was quieting. But as he looked at his Nisama's still form, Mokuba's face showed suspicion, not relief. "It's okay, trust me." Mokuba ran to the bed, fear in his lavender eyes, and I realized that the last time I had said those words, his brother had ended up in a coma. As he heard Kaiba's even breathing, he relaxed, coming to join me on the couch. "I promise," I said. I won't hurt him ever again."

"But he's your rival.  He's never been your friend.  Why do you care if he has nightmares?  Why are you trying to help?"

"Because I think I'm starting to see the same Nisama you do."

He sighed contentedly as he leaned against me. "If I fall asleep, put me back in my bed, and lock the door behind me. Otherwise Nisama will just change the code again." He was asleep as soon as the words left his mouth. I smiled at the brothers' private game. And I mentally saluted Yugi. He had been right. There was something waif-like about the Kaiba brothers. Something gallant. Something worth protecting.


	8. Ch 7 The Kaiba Brothers Reflect

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. I would love to know if you like it and how you think it's going. It's really encouraging to see so many reviews – it really encourages me to update as quickly as possible.**

**MANGA NOTE (MOKUBA):** I love any and every version of Mokuba. In the dubbed version, I find his unquestioning devotion to his brother absolutely endearing. But in the manga he's heart-breaking, precisely because his devotion is not blind. He understands just how troubled and damaged his brother is, and it is part of his love for him. One of the saddest things is watching him endlessly trying to enlist Yugi and his friend's sympathies in his Nisama, hindered, of course, by Kaiba himself, when conscious and out of the Shadow Realm. This is the Mokuba I am trying to portray.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I had originally planned to have the chapters, (with one exception in the third-person) narrated by either Seto or Yami. Each chapter was going to have a single narrator, and chapters would not be shared. Then I kept hearing this little, insistent, impish voice. Mokuba seemed to feel that he should have a say in anything that concerns his Nisama. But it didn't feel right to leave him on his own, especially in his first appearance, so his narrative is right where it belongs – following Seto's.

I have another AN at the end, but I didn't want to take up any more space.

**CHAPTER 7: THE KAIBA BROTHERS REFLECT**

**CHAPTER 7A: NISAMA'S TURN**

**SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE**

There are many people, myself foremost among them, responsible for my damnation. (A word I do not use loosely, or for effect.) But it is Yami who has been responsible for every painful lesson on my journey back; Yami who taught me to look at life through a prism other than Gozaburo's.

I had always thought of Yami as an enemy – I had no other word for rival. Now, I began to see him as a person. For once, familiarity was breeding not contempt, but understanding. I think to Yami, being alive meant being part of someone else. I could see him, sometimes, listening for Yugi's voice. But he was also starting to enjoy the freedom of his own mind, his own thoughts. He was learning not to feel guilty that every move he made was stealing time from Yugi, unless it was a move made in his defense. Yami walked the streets of Domino for hours. Although he must have known them by heart, they were new to him, because this time, he was seeing them by himself. He never spoke of his time before Yugi. I wondered about all those years in that little puzzle. Had it been anything like my stay in the Shadow Realm? I hoped not, surprised and annoyed to find that I cared. But maybe, we had always cared, a little.

He had shattered my soul, then forced me to look at the shards of the person I had become. But he also gave me a second chance, an opportunity I did not deserve, to leave the darkness that had become my world. To return to the brother I had betrayed. I've never thanked him – the enormity of his unwanted gift was too great. How do you thank someone who gives you back the broken fragments of your heart?

I thought I knew power. My life had been defined by it. The power to protect myself. The power to protect Mokuba. But Yami had given the word new meaning. In our duel with Lumos and Umbra we had been more than uneasy allies. Together we accomplished what neither of us could do alone. It was more than just a matter of combining good cards. As our decks complimented each other, so did we. I drew on Yugi's steadiness, clung to him for the support I could never admit I wanted. But in the end he had needed my recklessness, my willingness to sacrifice even my Blue Eyes -- the best part of my soul -- if necessary to win.

It was a painful epiphany. In a world where trust leads to betrayal, and defeat to death, you can rely only on yourself. I had survived that world, mastered it. Could the lessons I had learned so painfully there, the lessons that had assured my survival and Mokuba's happiness have been wrong? Could I have been not only arrogant and self-destructive, but blind and stupid too? 

I remember sitting in the helicopter flying to Domino Port, waiting for Yugi to experience a painful awakening of his own. It is one thing, I thought, to prate about friendship when your friends are there cheering you on. But Malik had brainwashed Jounouchi. Yugi was in my world now. And I needed to know -- Could he hold on to friendship when everyone was against him; when his feelings were nothing more than a tool to be used against him? I didn't know if I wanted the grim satisfaction of being right, or the tentative hope that would come with being wrong. Yugi might have been fighting to save Jounouchi, but Yami was fighting, at least in part, to give me an answer.

I was glad that he had seen my duel with Isis. Had cheered me on as if I was Jounouchi, or someone he cared about. I was glad he had seen me fight with strength and pride rather than hatred and anger; glad he had seen me win.

He had managed to turn my proud words to Isis back on me in our last duel. Why, he had asked, if I believed that my future lay on a road of my own creation, was I choosing to create a future ruled by hatred? A future that was, in the end, controlled by the past I denied.

Yami had answered my question. I'm still trying to answer his.

**CHAPTER 7B: MOKUBA'S TURN**

**MOKUBA'S NARRATIVE**

Jou was funnier, Yugi was nicer, and Honda had a cool motorcycle. I liked all of them better than Yami. Although he was more fun than I thought he'd be. It wasn't just that he'd sit and play video games with me for hours. Nisama never did that any more, he'd just check online to make sure no one had beaten his scores. Yami made up a lot of new games too. Sometimes Nisama would actually stop working long enough to join in. 

Yami even got him to play chess – sort of. I don't know where he had dug up the chess set from, but I sure recognized it. It was our adoptive father's. Nisama recognized it too. He flung it right out of Yami's hands across the room. Yami calmly picked it up and attached it to the wall, announcing that they were going to play dart-board chess. They could both see the positions of the pieces in their heads. I don't know how they did that. Anyway, they had to throw their pieces at the square they wanted on the board. If they hit the wrong box, it was too bad, they were stuck with that move. If they hit a box where their piece shouldn't have been able to get to, they lost their turn. 

As far as I could see, Yami was actually following a strategy, but Nisama was just throwing the pieces as hard as he could. He actually smiled when the bishop got stuck by its point in one of the squares, even though it was the wrong box and he lost his turn. He threw the rook he used to beat stepfather so hard it splintered, and he managed to knock the cross off the king's crown when Yami declared checkmate. His eyes were blazing and he was out of breath, but his face was relaxed for once. I'd never seen Nisama look relieved to lose a game before.

It was weird. Yami was actually taking care of my brother, and Nisama was actually letting him. The only thing I could think of was they both took that promise to Yugi way too seriously. Yami had a thing about promises, just like my brother. I mean look at it – he must have hated my brother by Duelist's Kingdom, but he rescued him from Pegasus anyway, just because he promised me – and it wasn't like he was crazy about me either. I had been a real brat to him, and I know it. 

I guess Yami was okay, but he still scared me, a little. Some things you just don't forget – like being shoved into a monster capsule, or being forced to eat poison. Like seeing your brother in a coma for months. It all worked out okay in the end, and he did save us from Pegasus. But in my book, anyone who could beat both my brother and Pegasus, not to mention Malik and the rest, was someone to avoid. I mean a guy doesn't get called Darkness for nothing. My brother's named Turmoil though, so maybe that's why Yami didn't scare him like he did me. It's pretty funny when you think of it – I was living with Turmoil and Darkness. 

Or maybe my brother was cool around Yami because he could relax around him. Yami had already seen him at his worst, and it didn't seem to bother him. It wasn't like it was a one way street either -- they had both been pretty horrible to each other. My brother had kidnapped Yugi's grandfather, ripped up his Blue Eyes White Dragon, and tried to kill Yugi and his friends. Yami had knocked my brother into a coma and tried to push him off a tower. Yet neither seemed to hold it against the other. In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd say that Nisama liked having Yami around.

**MANGA NOTE (KAIBA):** One of the main things that drives me crazy about the dubbed version is that all the complexity of Kaiba's character literally gets lost in the translation. In the manga, the duels are actually about something, and Kaiba reassesses his life and beliefs throughout both the tag team duel he has with Yami Yugi, and while watching Yugi's duel with Jounouchi.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I decided that it was important to show the two characters falling in love before becoming lovers (in a PG-13 way) – even if they don't realize it, and (in Kaiba's case) aren't ready to acknowledge it. But I realized for Kaiba that wasn't enough. He's wound so tight, that however much he likes being cuddled while he's asleep, I couldn't see him letting anyone touch him while awake. So I decided, if Yami's going to get him into bed by the next chapter, I needed a scene that showed him releasing some of that pent up rage first. I wanted to show Yami helping him to let go a little. At first I wrote this fluffy scene where Yami suggests they all play 'Truth Consequences, Promise or Repeat'. Mokuba and Yami won't let Kaiba pick 'Promise' on the grounds he makes too many of them anyway, and Mokuba makes Yami repeat 'I suck at games'. Anyway, it was pretty fluffy, and cute, and funny – and then I realized it was wildly out of character for the story. So I started over and put in the chess scene instead. It's darker and edgier, but I think it fits the story better. I kind of wish fanfiction had outtake videos though.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapters 5 and 6. It was nice that people commented on the parts I had worked the hardest on. I'm trying to portray Kaiba as someone haunted not just by what was done to him, but by the damage he caused, even if inadvertently. I love the relationship between the two brothers it' one of my favorite parts of the manga. In the manga, even in Battle City, when they're on the same side, Yami gets so mad at Kaiba, yet there's a real underlying concern, so I tried to portray the reasons. I'm glad people liked the endings of both chapters. I don't usually do cliff hangers. For the most part my chapters seem to fall into natural endings. Sorry for the long Ans. Please review – is there too long a lead up to the characters finally becoming a couple?


	9. Ch 8 First Time

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I had been planning to post this tommorrow, but I got it ready early, and couldn't wait. These are the two chapters I'm most nervous about. After all, if you're telling a Yami/Seto story, the moment they become Yami/Seto has to be done right. It's PG-13 so it's not graphic, or detailed, but, given the characters, I tried to make it intense and emotionally true. It wound up being a thin line, so I'm kind of on pins and needles to know how you think it turned out. 

I posted Chapters 8 & 9 at the same time because they contrast Yami and Seto's POV, and they are meant to be read together. For that reason, additional Author's Notes are at the end of Chapter 9.

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CHAPTER 8: FIRST TIME

YAMI'S NARRATIVE 

"Do you remember our first duel?" Kaiba asked drowsily.

"Yes." 

Considering that he had ended up thrust into the Duel Monsters world and killed by his own demons, I wouldn't have thought it would be a happy memory, but the brunette was smiling.

"Do you remember the Blue Eyes? He was so cool." He said, unconsciously repeating his words from that first meeting.

"I remember." 

But what I recalled most, was not the beast, but the look of joy on Kaiba's face as the Blue Eyes had taken flight; the first and last time I had seen a look of pure wonder in his eyes. It had only lasted a moment, then they had clouded over with pain, before emptying of all emotion when the dragon had destroyed itself rather than obey his command. I suddenly wondered if he had ripped the card in cold calculation or jealous rage.

"I've tried to recreate that Blue Eyes since, and I've never gotten it right," he murmured wistfully. "Maybe it's because he was never really mine."

"Do you want me to?" I asked. I've tried never to use the power of the Shadow Realm frivolously, but this didn't feel trivial. And Kaiba had never come this close to asking me for anything before.

Suddenly the Blue Eyes hovered over the bed. But it wasn't Sugoroku's lost dragon. It was Kaiba's. Proud and indomitable it rose, arching its neck, bellowing a challenge to the world. It could be defeated in battle, all things could, but it would never concede an inch, would never surrender. This monster would never betray him. His soul was safe in its keeping.

"Is that what you see when you look at my Blue Eyes?" he whispered, awed.

"No. That's what I see when I look at you."

Kaiba stared at me, his lips parted, and I could not resist. I leaned forward to kiss him softly. Raised my hand to brush his long hair gently from his eyes; to caress his face. His eyes were dark, the blue swallowed by the black of his pupils. He looked stunned, as if he didn't know that people could touch each other with anything but anger. His breath came out in a quick exhalation, and I kissed him again, tasting his lips, his tongue, running my hand through his cinnamon and chocolate hair.

He responded, but slowly, as if suddenly asked to speak an unfamiliar language. I could feel his pulse beating under his jaw. I kissed it, then followed the slender column of his neck, unbuttoning his shirt. He shivered and moaned softly. But his stillness, his very pliancy worried me, and his hands were still clenched, as if expecting a blow.

It felt right to be embracing him now, after holding him through all those nights, but I hesitated. I was not afraid I had confused my desires with his. I could not have mistaken the response running through him, but I was afraid of damaging his formidable defenses. I knew how fragile his heart was: I had been the one to shatter it, and I had promised Mokuba not to hurt him further. But my slight withdrawal seemed to have broken some restraint in Kaiba, and he pulled me to him, kissing me with all the fierceness in his dragon's heart. He clung to me for balance, thrown by the sudden force of his emotions.

I was proud of my dragon. His inexperience was profound. Nothing in his life had prepared him for this. He had clearly never touched another human being with the expectation of giving or receiving pleasure. And it was obvious that he was afraid of giving me this much insight into his heart. Yet like his dragons, he would not retreat, but matched my passion with his own. He kissed me with the desperation and slender hope of a drowning man tossed a thin and uncertain lifeline. I was awed by the extent of his trust, and its fragility. Of all the things I had expected to find at the core of Kaiba's soul, innocence and trust were the most unexpected, and the most precious.

I had not thought much beyond my own desires. After holding his sleeping form, I wanted to feel him respond to me, to hear his moans, to arouse his passions, to feel him move beneath me, and finally after centuries, to claim his as my own, to possess him. It was only afterwards that I realized a soul had been entrusted to my keeping.

It was even later, as I cradled his sleeping form in my arms, that I realized throughout the night we had shared, although I had unbuttoned it, he avoided removing his shirt.


	10. Ch 9 The Morning After

**CHAPTER 9: THE MORNING AFTER**

**SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE**

In the movies the couple kisses as the screen fades to black. Another happy ending.

Just one more reason I hate the movies. In real life there are no endings, happy or otherwise, until you die. And death, while it might be a relief, can scarcely be called 'happy', even by me.

I admit I like going to the movies with Mokuba. I like sitting in the dark with him, analyzing all the ways I would improve the special effects. It's probably something we should expand into.

All of which was a way to avoid thinking about Yami, while pondering the exact size, shape, and density of the rocks that must have been in my head when I agreed to let Yami stay. When I kissed him. When I had let him kiss me, caress me, and make love to me, as if I was someone that mattered. As if love was something that existed. As if I was his.

I touched my lips, remembering the feel of Yami covering them. I had known what sex would be like. I would feel used, like something had been taken from me. Afterwards, I would be more alone than ever. There's a reason the word 'fuck' is a curse. But once again Yami had changed my definitions. He had bruised my lips as if he wanted me to remember him the next day; marked my neck and thighs with kisses as if to leave part of himself with me. I had lost control – something I had promised myself never to do. I was sure I had put on quite a show – had moaned and writhed under him, had wanted him more than I have ever wanted anything in a lifetime of unfulfilled desires. My only consolation was that if I had surrendered to my feelings, so had he. His eyes had been glazed with desire, his movements spasmodic, without rhythm, his breath ragged, warming my body as he groaned with desire and pleasure. His back and thighs still bore the imprints of my fingers.

If I had lost a piece of myself, of the isolation that was a part of me, I had gained a feeling of joy, no -- of exultation. I smiled as I remembered drifting off to sleep, for the first time with someone's arms around me. I had felt, not alone, but cared for. I had woken up, early as usual, still in his arms. And I had wanted to stay there. To see if he would kiss me again. I had dressed and gotten the hell out of there as quickly as I could, but my desire bothered me. I know my weakness.

I have always been drawn to power; heedless of the danger. After all, there were 100 boys in that orphanage. Ninety-nine of them had the good sense to stay away from Gozaburo. But I had survived by following a simple rule. Never trust anything that does not belong to you. And Yami did not belong to me.

Yet I felt a connection to him. We understood each other; better than Mokuba understood me; better than his friends understood him. That day, at Pegasus' castle, his friends had been horrified that he would kill me to win a duel. But I understood being in the grip of a desire to win so strong that all else pales before it. In the end, I was the only one who approved.

Then there were our duels, where we fought side by side, instead of against each other. In the Virtual World he had forced me to listen to him. It had taken my grief over losing Mokuba to shock me into obeying. Yet the Mythic Dragon Knight we created represented both of our hearts equally. 

In our duel with Lumos and Umbra I had stood on a pane of glass, 150 feet in the air. I had called my Blue Eyes, but it was still weaker that our opponents' monster. Incomprehensibly, against all logic, Yami had screamed at me to attack. It was as if we were at Pegasus' Castle all over again and he was telling me to jump, trusting that I'd be caught in his strong arms. I have never felt so free as I charged, not sure if I would fall to my death like Gozaburo, or be swept up to the sky like my dragon. But Yami had been there as he promised.

Last night, when I had chosen to trust Yami, chosen to bare myself, chosen to be part of his joy, as he completed my own – I had shattered the rules of a lifetime. Now they lay broken at my feet, as sharp as the knife-edged rocks under Pegasus' Castle. And so, I was back on the ledge of that tower once again, (or never having left) – wanting to believe that the man who had almost pushed me to my death would choose instead to keep me safe.

**AUTHORS NOTES:** Like Kaiba, I hate it when the couple kisses, and the words "The End" flash on the screen, as if there's nothing more to say. So this is NOT the end, it's the middle. (Yeah, I actually have a beginning, middle, and ending planned.) I hope to show how the relationship develops, what each character brings to it, and of course, how they will weather the challenge that will determine if they deserve to stay together. I've had such a positive response so far, I hope people are in the mood for more Yami and Seto.

I also wanted to answer some questions from the reviews:

**TIMELINE:** This takes place after Battle City and after the end of the current Ancient Egypt storyline. I don't deal with the Egypt story line at all, except to say that six of the Millennium Items have been returned, and that Yami has the puzzle and his own body – and is finally living out the rest of his normal life span.

**AGES:** Kaiba is 15 when he is introduced in the manga. I figure at least a year or two must have gone by since then, and 17 seems the right age for this story. Yami, of course is 3,000 years old. In a physical sense, I see him as being maybe a year or two older than Kaiba, but having 3,000 years of reflection under his belt. I get the sense of him being both young and old – kind of elven. (Did you think an average guy would get through to Kaiba?). Mokuba is five years younger than Seto – which would make him between 11 – 13 depending on how their birthdays fell. I see him as 12; as a pre-teen.

**SCHOOL ATTENDANCE:** Although I like stories set in Domino High School, and think it's a great way to get all the characters together and interacting – neither Seto or Yami are in school. It's clear in the manga that Seto attends briefly and drops out after his first battle with Yugi. I think that fits in with his general personality, and the fact that he's the CEO of a corporation. I actually will deal with his brief high school career in an upcoming chapter, if I get that far. I actually never considered having Yami attend school, though maybe I should. I think if he went, it would be just to be near Yugi and his friends.

**YAMI'S STAY AT THE MANSION:** The next chapter will go into this. I agree, a broken rib isn't a major injury – but I needed something that would get Yami there without lasting too long, or being too incapacitating, since by the next chapter, his rib's better.

Well the ANs were almost as long as the chapter! Please review!


	11. Ch 10 Nightmares Revisited

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Please read and review. It's incredibly encouraging to hear how you feel about the story and the characters, where it's going and what can be improved. I tend to rewrite obsessively, and this really encourages me to just save and post.

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RESPONSE TO REVIEWS FOR THE LAST POSTING: Since the reviews raised some issues, I'm trying to group the responses.

Tuulikki – **AGE:** You're right – I can't add. Kaiba was 16 in the manga. I see him as being 17 in this story, partly because I think one of the things that make him so poignant is his youth. He has all these responsibilities, has this tortured past, is a very flawed genius – and he's a teenager. He shouldn't have these burdens – except he does, and deals with them the best he can. **MOVIE NOTE:** Thank you – I agree – Kaiba is impossible!

Red Dragon 4, Spirit Star, Tammi 1, Unsolvable Riddle – **STORY STRUCTURE:** Thanks. I didn't want this to be a story where sex (or even falling in love) solves everything. Seto is clearly happy with the turn of events, but he's also not used to being happy, or letting other people into his life. That's why I tried to tell it, first from Yami's more romantic POV, and then give Seto's more confused and cynical take on things.

Silver Mist – **DIALOG:** Great suggestion. This chapter is pretty narrative intensive, but I'm re-writing some of the later ones to add more dialog. I think it will make them stronger.

Solitaire and Xpyne – **SETO'S PERSONALITY:** One of the many things I like about Seto is the interplay between his strong and fragile sides – yet both are real.

Sailor Pride and Yami-Chan – Thanks. Sometimes I worry that the story doesn't seem like it's going there, because I move pretty slowly.

Animebay-b – **UKE:** I'm not dodging your question (Was Seto the uke?), but I'm not answering it right now either. In the next section I plan to first look at how Seto's (and to a lesser extent, Yami's) past impacts on their relationship, then I will explore the nature of the relationship itself, and how it develops. Before I answer your question, I would like to give the story a chance to speak for itself. So rather than tell you if Seto is the uke (or even if there is an uke) I really want to hear what you thinks their relationship is about, and if you think it's real.

Angelic Slayer, Blue September, Cherrii, LilPurplFlwr – Thanks for your encouragement. I love these characters, and I can't tell you how much it means that my story has connected with you, and that you're looking forward to each chapter.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the long response – especially as it's a short chapter. I posted Chapters 11 and 12 together (12 is really, really short), because they are also meant to be read as a pair.

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CHAPTER 10: NIGHTMARES REVISITED

YAMI'S NARRATIVE

As the doctor had promised, Kaiba's ribs healed quickly. The only change in our lives, however, was that Kaiba now picked up his little brother after school, a task I gladly relinquished, and carried him to bed each night, proudly bearing his precious burden. I stayed, although the question of my continued presence remained unasked and unanswered. Once I would have thought he was taking me for granted, or playing some elaborate game. Jounouchi would have screamed he that he was using me. But the truth was much simpler: Kaiba had never been able to ask me for anything – except his death. 

And it was life now that was troubling him. I did not underestimate what I had done. It was as big an upheaval as when I had shattered his soul. Yet he refused to retreat to the isolation that was his refuge. Kaiba's one weakness as a duelist was his strength now. At Duelist's Kingdom, if he had just put his wounded dragon in defense mode, the match would have been a draw. Of course I didn't know at the time that he couldn't afford a tie if he was to rescue Mokuba, but I knew he him well enough to know he would attack. I had counted on it then, and I counted on it now. And Kaiba didn't disappoint me. He refused to give in to his fears and doubts. He was facing his demons as if they were opponents on the field. And he was doing it all for the sake of a future that he could scarcely imagine or believe in; struggling to break free of the defenses he had spent a lifetime creating. He would flinch each time I kissed him, no matter how gently, before willing himself to relax into the embrace, as if intimacy was a challenge he had set himself to master, and trust an act of defiance. 

But the struggle was exhausting him. He scarcely spoke, even to Mokuba, and slept less. For if Kaiba would not retreat, neither would he defend. Neither Yugi or I ever sent our Black Magician, our soul card, into the arena, unprotected. But Kaiba would fling his dragons onto the field and leave them to their fate. The bond between them was strong, the pain he felt at their destruction real, but it was a rare match, even among his many victories, where he did not lose one or more of his mighty beasts.

"I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere." I would tell him each night. He would stare at me wordlessly, warily, as if wondering what betrayal I had planned for him. I would lift him in my arms, his own wrapped around my neck, his head bent to meet mine, and kiss him as his long legs slid to the floor again, as if for balance. I caressed him gently, coaxingly, as one would an untamed creature who might suddenly turn and bite. Sometimes it seemed that only my touch could spur him to break through the barrier he had built around himself. He would cling to me, drink in my kisses thirstily, like a man on an ocean raft who is offered a glass of sweet water.

One night as I rested my cheek against the cool silk of his shirt, I heard him whisper, "Take it off,"

I was prepared for scars, but it was the clinical precision of the wounds that startled me. It was as if some fiend had experimented in all the different ways of causing pain, and left a record in the flesh of Kaiba's back. I remembered the monster from Noa's world who had pursued him from the Gates of Hell, and realized he had not been a metaphor. I wondered that a man as rich and as proud as Kaiba would not remove these grim reminders, and marveled that among the many wounds, none seemed self-inflicted. Mokuba's promise had been more potent than I could have imagined.

"Mokuba?" I asked, suddenly afraid of the answer. But Kaiba shook his head. "No, never. Gozaburo always kept his promises." Kaiba would have rejected anything else I said as pity, though in truth I felt none. Only a respect for the profound strength that he did not recognize; that he hid behind the arrogant facade he showed the world.

So instead of speaking, I held him close, shielding his back with my body, cradling his scarred arm with my own. He sighed. I asked no more questions, would press him no further. It had taken all of his undeniable endurance to have come this far. Instead I held him as I waited for his nightmare. Although he had not said another word, I knew he was braced for the same thing. He had put his sweat pants on, as if he knew no power would keep Mokuba from his room tonight.


	12. Ch 11 Scars

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CHAPTER 11: SCARS

SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

I woke up as I knew I would – gasping for breath in Yami's arms, my throat hoarse from screaming, Mokuba's worried face above me. I gazed numbly at my left arm, at the fresh scratches where I had clawed my scar in my sleep.

"Tell me," Yami commanded.

I looked up at him. I opened by mouth, but no words came out. Now that I was exhausted, now that I had no will left to refuse him, the words deserted me as they always did. I could only stare at him mutely. He must have understood my silence because he leaned forward and said gently, "I can help, if you're willing. I can bring the memory to light. Trust me."

I looked at Mokuba. He smiled and squeezed my hand. I turned to Yami, and still clutching Mokuba's hand, nodded. I braced myself to see Gozaburo again.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first cliff-hanger! Please review. 


	13. Ch 12 Gozaburo's Office

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Please read and review. It's incredibly encouraging to hear how you feel about the story and the characters, where it's going and what can be improved. I tend to rewrite obsessively, and this really encourages me to just save and post.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the only chapter told from the third person point of view, instead of being narrated by one of the characters. I wanted to give the sense that Kaiba, Yami and Mokuba are all witnessing Seto's memory/nightmare, which Yami has brought to the surface.

Additional Author's Notes and Responses to Reviews are at the end of the chapter. 

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CHAPTER 12: GOZABURO'S OFFICE

THIRD PERSON POV

Yami stared at Kaiba's office. "No, not Kaiba's. Gozaburo's." he thought.

Gozaburo and an almost nine-year old Mokuba were the only ones in it, in this past world. Mokuba looked nervous, but not frightened. Then the door opened and a younger Kaiba walked in.

"Gozaburo-sama" he said coldly, his tone robbing the honorific of all respect. He did not glance at his brother, did not ask any questions.

"I called you here, because I wanted to settle a question. What do you feel for your brother?"

"A pointless question. You've expended a great deal of time and effort to insure that I feel nothing at all. Are you worried about the results of your handiwork at this late date?"

"Yes, but the ties of flesh and blood are strong. I don't know if I could have done to Noa, what I did to you. So I wish to test a theory." Suddenly he grabbed Mokuba's arm. He slowly, deliberately, pulled out a lighter, and held the flames so that they heated, but did not quite burn the soft skin. He was careful to create no lingering scar, as he watched Kaiba, with Mokuba's screams ringing in their ears.

The older brother smiled. "Do you expect me to react because he's my flesh and blood? You should know your creation better." Languidly, he came over to Gozaburo and held his hand out for the lighter. Wordlessly, Gozaburo dropped it in his outstretched hand.

"Let me show you how I feel about my flesh and blood," he said. He unbuttoned his left sleeve, carefully rolled it above the elbow. He smiled as he adjusted the setting on the lighter and watched the flame shoot up. Still smiling coldly he thrust his arm into the fire.

Eerily calm, though the sweat was trickling down his forehead, he started talking about baseball, clearly continuing a past argument over whether Kaiba Corporation should sponsor a team, as the smell of burning flesh filled the room. Smirking, as if he noticed Gozaburo's angry face for the first time, he finally flicked the lighter shut, tossed it to his adoptive father and said, "Sorry. I forgot. You don't like games, do you?" As he opened the door to leave, he said to the security officers waiting outside, "Take the weakling away and bandage him." He had not looked at his brother once.

As the memory faded, they could hear Gozaburo saying, "It seems that you are indeed ready for our final challenge."

Kaiba lay starring at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, as rigid as after the Death-T Tournament. It was Mokuba who answered Yami's unspoken question, shrugging as he said, "I'm not sure what he was talking about. A year later Nisama was in charge of Kaiba Corporation and our adoptive father was dead."

"I didn't kill him," Kaiba said tonelessly. "He jumped." It wasn't clear if he was talking to Mokuba, Yami, or even himself. He refused to look at either of them, and turned to face the wall, closing them out.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've always felt there was an element of gamesmanship to the relationship between Seto and Gozaburo. After all, it began with a chess game, and ended with Gozaburo's suicide following Seto's successful challenge for control of Kaiba Corporation. I think the idea that some of the abuse in this relationship took the form of games and challenges, fits in with Seto's later inability to play games for fun. In the manga, Gozaburo says something like 'defeat means death' and Seto answers that he will remember his teachings. Anyway, I hope you liked this glimpse into the past.

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RESPONSE TO REVIEWS FOR THE LAST POSTING:

Kagemihari – Your review had a cliffhanger of its own – I'm curious – where did you think it was going? **Mokuba:** Thank you – you are the first person to mention his narrative. I love him, and love writing in his voice. He'll be back for another narrative a little later.

Blue September – **Relationship:** I see the sexual relationship as flowing out of the emotional one. Hopefully, I can create the sense that both aspects are developing together, and are to a certain extent, inseparable. I'm trying, anyway.

Crimson Winter, Tainted Fortune, Tammi 1, Unsolvable Riddle – **Characters, Inner Dialog:** Thanks, I'm trying very hard to stay in character. Having the characters narrate makes a big difference, because it helps me focus on what they would actually say and do. Of course it means I have to try and give each one a distinctive voice. Occasionally, I have had the characters say or think something, and later come across a translated manga where they say something similar to what I imagined – which is such a kick!

Animebay-b, KatarznakYue, Lone Wolf 55, mrsbinx1013 – **Updates:** The upcoming middle chapters, will be longer. They are trickier to write, because I'm trying to show the different facets of their developing relationship, while still maintaining a sense of flow and movement. It's like I know what I want to say at the beginning and end – it's getting there that's difficult. I'm trying to update at least once a week, because I hate waiting for updates when I'm following a story. Also, I love getting reviews, and the only way to get them is to update. So thanks for your continued encouragement.

Red Dragon 4, Spirit Star -- **Cliffhangers:** It was fun finally writing one. Actually I think the entire story will only have one more. My thoughts just seem to fall into natural chapter breaks.

Angel Yami-ko – **Age, again:** I just keep messing up on the age question. I know in the manga, Yami is younger than Seto, but I just can't picture him as a 13 year old – not to mention Seto could land in jail! (And I can't picture him sleeping with someone who's only a little older than Mokuba, anyway.) So Yami's older in my story. I really think of Yami as having the sane age as a Tolkien elf – the way Sam describes them, "They are quite different from what I expected – so young and old, and so gay and sad…" Well, thanks for giving me the chance to quote from LOTR!


	14. Ch 13 Aftermath

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. It's incredibly encouraging to hear how you feel about the story and the characters, where it's going and what can be improved, and to know that people are still following the story.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Once again I am posting Chapters 13 & 14 together. They offer contrasting narratives by Yami and Kaiba. Further Author's Notes and Responses to Reviews will be at the end of Chapter 14.

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CHAPTER 13: AFTERMATH

YAMI'S NARRATIVE

"You bastard! I hate you!" Mokuba howled at me, like a miniature, but equally ferocious version of his older brother. "Why'd you do that to him? Don't you know how hard he tries to bury that shit? Now you've gone and made him relive it!"

"But it's not buried. You know that, Mokuba. And he relives it every night." I replied gently. The boy's face crumpled as he pitched forward into my arms, seeking the comfort I would have given the world to be able to offer his brother. But Kaiba was still lying inert on the bed, his shallow breaths the only sign of life.

"Hush, it'll be alright," I murmured into Mokuba's tangled hair.

"You should be taking care of him, not me." Mokuba accused, even as he snuggled more closely against my chest. "Maybe I am just a weakling that always needs defending,"

"You've got it backwards, Mokuba. Seto doesn't protect you because you're weak. He does it because he needs to. As much as he refuses to admit it, he's only human – and that means he needs some warmth and hope in his life. He needs something to cling to, and someone to care about -- someone who loves him in return."

Hugging Mokuba was like cradling the mainstay of Seto's heart. To see what was really vital to him, one had only to look at his little brother. Mokuba was open, playful, giving and loving – all the traits Seto affected to scorn. But the true measure of their importance was the lengths to which he had gone to save those qualities for his brother, even as he sacrificed them in himself.

"It's all my fault." Mokuba wailed. "If it wasn't for me, he would never have been with our adoptive father in the first place."

"I'm not so sure." I replied. "I think they were destined to meet. And if it wasn't for you, Seto might have chosen a more permanent way to deny Gozaburo his prize. You and your promises helped keep him alive."

"What if they're not enough?"

"He'll be all right. It'll all be okay," I repeated as I carried him to the couch.

But, despite my words, I felt the weight of my promise to Mokuba, as I let the boy sob in my lap, crying the tears his brother could not shed. 

"Everyone thinks I just follow Nisama blindly, thinking everything he does is great. But that's not true," he said, whispering, although there was no sign Kaiba could hear us. "I don't love him despite what he's done, but because of it. Everyone looks at how he was as proof that he's cold and cruel. But all I can see is how much he loved me -- he was willing to give up everything, even his soul for me, as much in this house, as at Pegasus' Castle."

It was only after Mokuba had finally cried himself to sleep, that Kaiba spoke. 

"Why did I do it?"

He spoke as if I had been a part of whatever internal dialog he had been holding, but his question was incomprehensible to me.

"Was I trying to save Mokuba or trying to show Gozaburo that I wasn't a weakling like my brother?"

"You were protecting him Seto,"

"He was crying and I wouldn't even look at him."

"You didn't want to remind Gozaburo of Mokuba's presence. Gods, Seto -- you set your own arm on fire to distract him!"

I was puzzled. I had been shocked by the scene I had witnessed: by the depth of Kaiba's self-loathing and the implacability of his resolve. But I never doubted for a moment that Kaiba had been desperately trying to protect his brother. If I could see this so clearly, why was he confused? 

He stared at me with empty blue eyes. "You saw what I was. You shattered my heart. You gave me a chance to become something more. But you still don't understand – I was dead inside. I may have started out treating my own brother like a stray dog to protect him, but I came to believe it."

"Did you ever stop to think that if you had held on to your true feelings, Gozaburo would have used Mokuba against you as ruthlessly as Pegasus did? The only way to protect him was to let go of your love for him. Mokuba understands what you gave up. He honors you for it."

"That's his problem."

"Mokuba's forgiven you. When will you forgive yourself?"

"How can I forgive myself when I can't remember what I've done or why?"

"I remember little of being pharaoh," I suddenly answered. "Look at all the people who have had grudges against me from that past life. And I have never known if they were justified of not."

I had simply wanted to show him that he was not alone in his doubts. But my words caught his attention, as if he listened for what I had left unsaid. I realized then that my belief in myself was actually borrowed from Yugi. _He_ was the one who believed in me unreservedly. It was past time to find out if I shared his faith. So I spoke of learning to use my heart as a mirror for my past, trusting that I was, and always had been, the same person, regardless of the age of the world I inhabited. I continued talking, struggling through my uncertainties, my words halting now -- until for the first time, I reached Yugi's certainty for myself; made it my own. And in the end, I was the one who was comforted.

"What will you do now?" he asked.

"The same as you. Believe in myself."

Almost involuntarily, he shook his head in denial. I embraced him, fondled him, as if my caresses could reach where my words could not. "I believe in you, Seto. If you can't believe in your own heart, then trust in mine."


	15. Ch 14 Another Morning After

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CHAPTER 14: ANOTHER MORNING AFTER

SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

I woke up in Yami's arms. To my surprise he was still there. If I had an aibou, I would be running to him as fast as possible. I looked at his sleeping face, the tri-color hair even wilder than usual. Maybe I did have an aibou after all.

I was taller, stronger, and the better fighter. But it was Yami who enfolded me in his arms as I drifted off to sleep, as if to protect me from my own dreams. 

It was Yami who whispered in my ear each night, "You belong to me." 

Once I had snarled back, "No, YOU belong to ME." 

But he had merely given me that smug grin of his and purred, "Good, Seto, it seems you're finally learning." 

Either way, it was an unnerving thought. The only person I had belonged to was Mokuba, and I had paid for that bond with my blood. What price would Yami demand?

Yami awoke as I gazed at him. I was afraid he would want to talk of last night, but instead he spoke of awakening from his puzzle as a 3,000 year-old spirit of vengeance; his only reason for existence to protect Yugi. He had killed people who had threatened Yugi or his friends. He had saved Anzu's and Jounouchi's lives. But, he had also driven people insane for trivial offenses, trapped their minds in the Shadow Realm forever. I, who had caused the most damage, had been the only one he had shown mercy to, and if that was Yami's idea of mercy, I shuddered to think what had happened to the others.

"Did you mean for me to be trapped there forever too?" I whispered, more shaken than I cared to admit. While I have toyed with the idea of nonexistence frequently and with pleasure, I want it to be my choice, and not by way of the Shadow Realm.

"No. I knew you had the strength to put the pieces of your heart back together. And I had promised Mokuba that you would return."

I had to laugh at that.

"Three-thousand years old, and you didn't know any better than to make promises to that kid? At least I'm not the only one getting suckered by those puppy dog eyes."

It wasn't until he had accepted Yugi as his partner, that he had learned to temper his judgments with mercy. Even then, he had been willing to kill Jounouchi, Malik and myself, if necessary.

It wasn't that he regretted the past, exactly. Remorse wasn't in his nature. But he was puzzled how to fit his past actions with his present self. He was struggling to live with the knowledge that he would have made different choices today; would have taught rather than punished.

I understood his dilemma, although, as I told him, mine was the opposite. I had once told Mokuba that the past could not be changed. What I neglected to add was that I wouldn't, even if I could. If I had to play that dammed chess game all over again, I would win again, and for the same reasons. I am struggling, not to live with that knowledge, but to keep living in spite of it.

We are fire and ice, Yami and I. Despite my glacial dragons and even colder bearing, I am fire to the core of my being. And Yami, with his cool balance, and a soul in harmony with the elements, is the ice that melts at my touch; the ice in which I drown.

Most people see only our differences. Yet I recognized Yami immediately, instinctively. Maybe we do belong to each other after all. I am not his hikari. I will never be anyone's light, not even Mokuba's. Yami and I are like the flip sides of a coin. Opposites, yes – but ultimately bonded, and made from the same metal. I am not his light. I am the darkened reflection that gazes back at him, his mirror image, his rival, and his match.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: One of the few signs of vulnerability Yami shows is when he has to deal with his lack of memory. In the beginning of the manga, he's a bit of a vigilante. It makes it somewhat believable when Pegasus tells him that the Millennium Items are inherently evil. In fact, the reason he doesn't punish Pegasus is that he's afraid that maybe he's right. Whenever he doubts himself, Yugi is there to reinforce his belief in himself. 

Mokuba Note: The one thing that really gets Mokuba furious, is any injury to Seto. In the manga, even though he acknowledges that Kaiba was trying to kill Yugi, and that he was justified in shattering Kaiba's heart – and even though he hopes it will eventually help to heal Seto – he simply tells the gang that he hates Yugi for hurting his brother, and will hate him until his brother wakes up. And everyone knows he's dead serious. So I think, Mokuba would blame Yami for hurting Seto in Chapter 13, even though both brothers had agreed to Yami's suggestion.

Kagemihari – **Mokuba:** I had originally planned to open Chapter 13 with a brief exchange between Yami and Mokuba. After reading your comment wondering how Mokuba was affected by Seto's nightmare, I took another look at the chapter, and realized that the dialog had to be both longer and more emotionally intense. Thank you.

Tuulikki and Kagemihari – **Games, Seto vs. Gozaburo:** I'm not sure who was more chilling at that point – Seto or Gozaburo. Seto, probably. After all, he 'won' their duel. I was trying to show how damaged he was, how he was desperate enough to be capable of anything, and how he was losing himself. In short, I was trying to portray the creator of the Death-T Tournament.

It's funny – Gozaburo was not, in the end, able to destroy Seto's ideals or goals – the first thing he does is to raze Kaiba Corporation's weapons factories and start work on Kaiba Land. He was ultimately unable to destroy the bond between the brothers. Where he was devastatingly successful was in destroying those parts of Kaiba that were already damaged: his ability to trust others, and to play, while forcing Kaiba's darker qualities to grow. Changing him from a wary, competitive child into a paranoid, vengeful, driven man. In the end, that part of Seto's story (in the manga) is about a loss of balance and harmony.

Mistress of Dragons – It was great to hear from you. Kaiba, Mokuba and Yami are my three favorite characters, and I'm trying to just let the story flow from their personalities. I'm glad you liked it. I've never written an original story – in fact I never thought of myself as a creative person, so I'm really enjoying this.

Unsolvable Riddle – **Pyro:** As you can see, I tend to associate fire imagery with Kaiba.

Blue September – **Manga:** I love the mangas too. I'm just sorry that so few of them have been translated – although I'm grateful to the kind souls who post them at Janine and Jenniyah's web sites. I don't know how the rumor started that Seto pushed his father out the window, but I was glad to be able to put the correct version in – he's got a bad enough reputation as it is!

animebay-b, Chili Angelic Slayer, mrsbinx1013, Spirit Star: Thank you for your regular reviews. I realized mid way through that I'm actually trying to tell the story through the emotions of it's main characters.

OrangeGirlExplosion: Glad to hear from you. I hope you continue to read and review. As far as updates go, I agree with your muse. Until you update enough to get Kaiba out of his Sailor Moon Outfit, you can't complain about anyone else's speak of updating.

AnimeFan-Artemis: I confess – I need and want encouragement – pats on the back welcome. That's a pretty embarrassing admission from someone who's favorite character is Seto Kaiba!

Please read and Review… 


	16. Ch 15 Little Doesn't Mean Stupid

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. **It's incredibly encouraging to hear how you feel about the story and the characters, where it's going and what can be improved, and to know that people are still following the story.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** The next few chapters look at different facets of Yami and Seto's relationship. I thought it was appropriate to start with Mokuba's point of view – after all, this would be a major change in his life, too. Besides, I love the little guy! Additional AUTHOR'S NOTES, and RESPONSES TO REVIEWS are at the end of the chapter.

**CHAPTER 15: LITTLE DOESN'T MEAN STUPID**

**MOKUBA'S NARRATIVE**

People are always saying that I'm nothing like my brother. I know what they mean. He's got that cold, arrogant thing down pat, and I don't. Actually I think it's kind of an insult. Why don't they just come out and say, 'Wow, you're not a creep like your brother,' 'cause that's what they mean. I usually let it pass. I know it's partly Nisama's fault. But they don't understand that if it wasn't for my brother always protecting me, I probably would be a 'creep' like my brother. They're wrong, anyway. We're more alike than people think. We both get by through planning things out; through reading people. And we don't like it when our strategies fail. 

I figured if Yami was here, his friends would come over. I thought if they spent some time with Nisama, they'd get to know him, maybe even start to think of him as someone besides Creepy Kaiba. It seemed worth a shot.

I never thought Yami would like him, much less _like him_, like him. That bothered me. It was unexpected, and unexpected is usually bad. Yet Yami seemed good for him. I made a list, a long time ago, of the things someone would need to have to be with my brother. I wanted someone sillier. I expected a girl. But Yami had so many of the other things right, I wasn't about to be fussy – especially when he could make Nisama smile. It was strange that he could, when he was so serious himself. But I kept forgetting – only half his title was 'King'. The other half was 'Game'. He made everything into a contest. He got Nisama to eat by putting the food in the center of the table and challenging him to grab the most pieces – only you had to finish each piece before you could get another. I think he let my brother win, although it was hard to tell – Nisama had quicker reflexes and a longer reach. 

They actually had fun with their crazy, competitive games. Nisama taught Yami to drive – which I think was a mistake. They'd tear up the grounds with motorcycle races. Nisama won a bet by riding right up from the front steps to the top floor. They'd take the car out, or worse both Lamborghinis to race at night, when they thought I was asleep. I didn't want to think about how many speeding tickets they were piling up – that is if anyone could catch them. 

I worried about them a little – but that was a small price to pay to see Nisama have fun for once. It's funny -- I'm 12, and I'm still a kid, mostly. Nisama says that's the way things are supposed to be. But then -- how come things were never that way for him? He was younger than me when he beat our adoptive father – and he had been an adult even then. He's been the only father I can ever really remember. So if Yami could give him a childhood, even a little bit, I was all for it.

Yami wasn't goofy, like I'd originally wanted, but he was just as crazy as my brother. He'd even tease Nisama sometimes, usually after he'd beaten him at some dare devil stunt. He'd flash that self-satisfied smile and call him 'Blue Eyes'. Nobody ever gave my brother a nickname before. It annoyed him, but I could see he liked it too.

Yami was good with my brother, and Nisama wasn't easy. Yami didn't mind his working all the time, although he tried to get him to relax. He understood that Kaiba Corporation wasn't just Nisama's company – it was part of what kept him alive. Best of all, Yami seemed to know when to humor my brother, and when not to take any shit from him. When Seto was in one of his moods, Yami acted almost like it was a duel. He'd be patient but stern, just like when he was waiting for the perfect card to appear. But whenever that side of Yami showed up, I'd get scared. 

My brother's great at getting people to hate him. I can remember him taunting our adoptive father, smirking when he'd made him to mad to talk – even though he knew he'd pay for it later. And Yami was even more dangerous. Nisama could usually control himself when I was around – or awake. But every once in a while, when he thought I was asleep on the couch, he'd start in on Yami, taunting him, trying to break his restraint – as if he was caught in a game that he could only win by getting Yami to despise him. 

_"So, there's something the great King of Games is scared of? I thought you never refused a duel, but suddenly you won't have a Shadow Game. Afraid you're losing your touch now that you're on your own? Want me to rip up another card – will that get you in the mood?"_

Great, I thought -- now he's challenging Yami to a Shadow Game? Like we don't all know how the last ones turned out.

_"Afraid of getting stuck there yourself? We know you don't mind dumping me there – or maybe you don't repeat yourself. I guess it's just a case of been there, done that."_

Ouch. I could tell by the way Yami's eyes narrowed, that one stung. But he spoke calmly enough, saying:

_"You're playing a fool's game Kaiba, and I'm not joining in."_

Then his voice softened.

_"I'm not leaving you. I won't hurt you either, Seto. If you truly want me to go, you'll have to be the one to tell me. All it would take is one word."_

He came up to Nisama, and started massaging his rigid shoulders. For a minute I was afraid my brother would lash out – with his fists this time; he was that tense. Then he bent his head and rested it on Yami's, slowly curling to lean into Yami's waiting arms.

My brother couldn't bring himself to say the word. But there were times when he couldn't stop his desperate attempts to drive Yami away, either. That's when I realized how much he was coming to mean to Nisama. I didn't know how long Yami could keep holding his temper. So I hoped he was as good at reading Nisama as he was at games, otherwise one day my brother was going to have a one way ticket punched for the Shadow Realm. 

They say you shouldn't spy or eavesdrop (although Nisama's never told me anything that stupid), but that's how you learn. It's how I learned to trust Yami, at least in this. There had been an article in the paper that day, about how even years after they had stopped making them, Kaiba Corporation's weapons were still popular, how other companies were fighting to try and get the patents my brother refused to sell. I knew Nisama would be dangerous that night, so I tried to stay awake. I fell asleep though, so I don't know what started the argument. My brother, probably. Nisama fought fair now, but he knew how to hit people's weak spots, and he could be merciless. 

_"So where's Obelisk these days? Oh, that's right – you don't know. Am I the only one who sees a pattern developing here? Sugoroku's Blue Eyes White Dragon, Exodia, the God Cards – you may be good at getting powerful cards, but you're lousy at holding on to them. Afraid of making your Dark Magician jealous? I'm just a mere mortal, but I've never lost anything that was mine."_

_"You lost your soul."_

_"Maybe I value my deck more. What about you? After all your bullshit about the 'Heart of the Cards' you're not a very good guardian, are you? How did you expect to save the world when you couldn't even hold onto a few pieces of paper? Or are you going to push the blame off on your even littler aibou?"_

Nisama had really gotten to him this time. Yami was so mad he could hardly talk; his eyes were blazing. I was about to interrupt them, before my brother ended up decorating another playing card, when Yami, with an effort, suddenly said, 

_"We can't both break our promises to Mokuba on the same night."_

Nisama suddenly started to laugh out loud, going on for so long that his legs starting shaking and he ended up sitting on the floor. 

"_Some King of Games you are. I should send my brother out to duel you next time."_ he had finally choked out. 

I thought Yami was going over to him to help him get up, but he had sat down beside my brother instead, and actually cradled Nisama's head against his shoulder before kissing him. I shut my eyes, in embarrassment this time. Still, as I went to sleep for real, I was relieved that it looked like Nisama was going to survive the night.

That was the best thing of all about Yami. He managed to get through my brother's defenses. He would ruffle Nisama's hair, and cuddle him like a child, if you can believe it. He would kiss his neck and stroke his back, as if Nisama was a big cat. Yami must have been stronger than he looked, because he would lift my brother up, and Nisama seemed to enjoy it. Some of it even rubbed off on him. Nisama would hug me now, even during the day. He would kiss me good night, without me having to pretend to be asleep.

I was pretty sure that Yami must care for Nisama too, but I wasn't sure how much. I wasn't even sure why --- after all, no one had ever cared, besides me, before. I was afraid that maybe it was all another game to him. I could see that he thought dealing with Nisama -- getting him to open up, handling his moods -- was a challenge. It was why he was so good at it. But what would happen if he succeeded, if it was no longer a game – would he get bored and go away? My main requirement for a boyfriend for my brother was that he had to stick around. 

I didn't think Yami was just playing with my brother. He wasn't mean, and he wouldn't knowingly break his promise. But Nisama was so involved with his work, Yami might tell himself that he wouldn't notice or care if he left. Or he could think that now that Nisama had opened up a little he'd be fine – he'd find someone else. But my brother wasn't like that. For all his championships, he had never learned to play games. Everything was life and death with him. I just hoped that someone called the King of Games could understand.

He had shattered my brother's heart once, and Nisama had survived. Hell, he had already proved he could survive anything. But nobody got a second shot at my brother. Not any more. For six years I had a front row seat as our adoptive father destroyed my brother. I had to stand by, safe and protected by his love, and watch as my brother's soul slipped through his fingers like water. I would have given anything to have been able to go back in time – to the day before I begged him to stay with me, before he vowed to be my father, before he traded his happiness for mine. 

But my brother had taught me that the past could not be changed. And I knew, as I watched him stumble into his room after each 'lesson', that if I begged him to break his word to me, it would have robbed him of the courage he needed to face our adoptive father, would have made his sacrifices worthless in his eyes.

So for all those years, the only thing I could do for him was to pretend I didn't see what was going on, pretend that I didn't hear what his nightmares were telling me, pretend I didn't know the price he was paying for my safety, even as his heart splintered before my eyes. 

To everyone, I'm Mokuba, the other Kaiba – but there's one more way I'm like my brother. I take my promises just as seriously. And I swore no one would ever hurt him again. 

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**MOKUBA:** In the manga, despite his constant efforts, Mokuba is only partially successful at getting Yugi and his friends to understand his brother, much less to like him. I started wondering what would happen if he finally succeeded. He's had so much bad luck in his short life, I wasn't sure he would be able to recognize or believe in something good happening for a change.

Luckily for Mokuba, I think Gozaburo basically ignored him. Gozaburo would have been focused intensely on his ongoing battle with Seto, and I think Seto would have been pretty careful to keep Gozaburo's attention away from his little brother. I don't however, think Mokuba got off easily. In some ways, it must have been harder to watch, helplessly, what was happening to his brother, and then to see Yugi's friends blame him for the way he turned out. In the early manga episodes, Mokuba is actually a lot like Kaiba – except he's motivated by love, a desire to be like his brother, and maybe even a desire to share his burdens. Later, in many ways, he reminds me more of Yugi. That he's not more like Kaiba, is due to his brother's determination to give Mokuba's life a chance to develop along other lines. And Mokuba had an advantage Kaiba didn't: an older brother willing to do anything to protect him. So as much as I was trying to show how Mokuba felt about Yami and Seto's relationship, I was also trying to show what it was like to be Mokuba.

**ANGER:** As much as I would like to believe that sex with Yami (or even love) would solve all of Seto's problems, I can't. He's simply too conflicted, and anger is his basic way of dealing with his emotions. I don't see him as being physically violent – it's noticeable in the manga that he only fights in self-defense. But I do see him as being incredibly provocative at times. I kind of see storms breaking over the mansion, with Yami being the calm eye of the hurricane, and Kaiba being tossed by the winds. 

In the subtitled version of the tag team duel, it's clear, it's taking everything Kaiba's got just to be able to hold it together long enough to cooperate through the duel. Yami's trying to help him, while using the duel as an opportunity to get Kaiba to re-evaluate his own philosophy. From Kaiba's internal dialog, you can tell that Yami's getting through to him. But of course, outwardly Kaiba's at his most difficult, alternating between saving Yami and flinging insults at him. There are times when Yami looks ready to drop him off of the roof himself, but there's also the sense that he realizes just how hard Seto is struggling, and that he's supportive. When Kaiba sacrifices his Blue Eyes for Yami it's clear he has really given up a piece of his soul. He starts screaming at Yami that he needs revenge, and Yami finally tells him that if that's the only thing that will ease his soul, he'll attack, even if it costs them the match. That promise finally calms Kaiba enough that he looks at his hand, and realizes he has the winning combination. That's the emotional sense I wanted to create with the fighting scenes in this chapter. I wanted Yami to be patient, without appearing weak, and to allow him to get a bit angry, even as he understood the emotions driving Kaiba.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

AnimeFan-Artemis – **Fire and Ice:** I can see why the comparison usually runs the other way – after all, Kaiba's sarcastic and aloof, and Yami's warm, in the sense of being able to make friends. But when I think of the qualities that really describe Kaiba – his passionate devotion, his explosive temper and his reckless willingness to do whatever it takes to protect Mokuba – they're all fire qualities. And Yami seems wiser, more balanced, more in harmony with himself – which I think of as being 'cooler' qualities. I'm glad you noticed it – if it doesn't sound immodest, I was proud of the comparison.

Blue September – **Yami's character:** The manga doesn't show Yami really doubting himself, just at the end of Duelist Kingdom, and when he hears about Malik, his behavior undergoes a dramatic change. I don't think he regrets his actions, but I think he does develop a different sense of right and wrong, and even a better understanding of the need for him to control his power and consider the consequences of what he's doing. I'm glad you think he's in character. As I've put him in his own body, I'm trying to explore the implications that would have on him.

BTW: I'm glad you liked the "YOU belong to ME" bit – What can I say – even a Kaiba mellowed by love and regular sex, would still be pretty oppositional, stubborn, and too proud for his own good!

Solitaire and Xpyne – **Yami/Seto:** the dubbed version really plays up the animosity between them, especially on Kaiba's side. It's one of the many things I dislike about the dub. In the manga, or the subtitled anime, they have a more complex relationship. There's almost a note of – nobody gets to abuse this person but me – to it. Kaiba says repeatedly that he won't let anyone beat Yami but him. Yami shatters Kaiba's heart and then is furious with Pegasus by creating a puppet of him, and as he sees it, mocking Kaiba. Although their fights are at times vicious, they always root for each other against anyone else.

Crimson Winter, Red Dragon 4 – **Yami/hikari:** I think of Mokuba and Kaiba as a kind of real world counterpart to Yugi and Yami Yugi's more spiritual relationship. Except Kaiba would be better off if he paid as much attention to Mokuba as Yami does to Yugi. I also find the ways in which Yami and Kaiba are similar and yet different (the same can in some ways be said for Yugi and Mokuba) interesting.

Mistress of Dragons – **emotional balance:** Both Kaiba brothers are so damaged, that there's enough hurt and uncertainty to go around. It's like they both grew up in the Shadow Realm. Yet, I'm also trying to show the love and comfort that exists between these three characters, so Thank You for your comments.

Spirit Star – **mushy:** Thank you. I'm always trying to walk the line of creating an emotionally intense story that's not sappy.

Unsolvable Riddle – **characters:** I think having the characters narrate each chapter helps, because it forces the story to flow from the characters' emotions.

Animebay-b, Chibi Angelic Slayer, Riku – Welcome to Riku, and continued thanks to animebay-b and Chibi Angelic Slayer. I really like hearing from you.


	17. Ch 16 Yamis love a guy in a Black Belt

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. It's incredibly encouraging to hear how you feel about the story and the characters, where it's going and what can be improved, and to know that people are still following the story.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was actually one of the more difficult chapters to write, although I hope it doesn't show. I've always been intrigued by Kaiba's connection with martial arts – not at his proficiency, but at the techniques he uses. Kaiba often uses judo (or possibly jujitsu) throws. What's interesting is that these techniques can not be learned in isolation. He must have spent hundreds of hours practicing _with a partner_ to reach this level of skill. He would have had to be a member of a dojo and accept the instruction and authority of a sensei.

Given his total lack of tolerance for being around people, I have always found this interesting. I thought about how and where he would have learned all of this, which originally took me into his early life before Gozaburo, especially as I thought it was important that the dojo not be a refuge, and the sensei not be a protector – since I think those are precisely the things lacking in his life.

Anyway, once Yami got involved, this turned into a large unwieldy chapter, and then two chapters (I promise to post the second half, which deals with Seto's history soon). This chapter ended up being sort of Yami inner dialog and romantic musings on Seto – with all kinds of other stuff thrown in. There is a lengthy Martial Arts Note. As usual, additional AUTHOR'S NOTES and RESPONSES TO REVIEWS are at the end, making this kind of long.

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Please read the Martial Arts Notes below, they are important to the story.

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MARTIAL ARTS NOTES: To anyone familiar with martial arts – please don't get mad! Any techniques used were described to the best of my ability (I have played judo and studied karate, although my knowledge of jujitsu is limited). However, I understand that it is impossible that any one person would be an expert at all the different martial arts I describe in this and in the next chapter. But when I thought about it, each martial art seemed to either work well as a metaphor for some aspect of Kaiba's personality, or be particularly appropriate for a stage in his life. So I decided to throw take a lot of literary license, and throw them all into my story. Also, it is incredibly unlikely that someone with poor attendance would be promoted in rank – although I explain that in the next chapter. Anyway, please suspend disbelief – after all this is a story about a guy who lived in a puzzle.

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MARTIAL ARTS VOCABULARY

TORE – UKE: Yeah, that last word should look familiar. I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I found out it had a sexual connotation! In judo, the Uke is the person being thrown. The person initiating the move is, thankfully for my sanity, not the Seme, but the Tore (I'm not sure how it's spelled – it's pronounced tour-ray.) Interestingly, especially when referring to kata or demonstrations, although the Uke is the person getting thrown (or choked, or held, etc.) the role does not carry the same connotation of submissiveness. Both the Tore and Uke are considered equal partners in performing the throw. It's also recognized that it takes skill and mental discipline to be able to relax into the throw, and yet keep enough control to showcase it effectively through the fall. It is considered a compliment to be asked to be an Uke for a promotional exam, and is a task usually assumed by upper ranks.

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BO or BO STAFF: This is basically a long stick, about the height of the person using it. The type of Bo I picture Kaiba using is a modern one – it would be six feet long, about the diameter of a broom stick, with tapered ends. Using mostly two-handed (with some one-handed and release moves) the person makes sweeping, slashing and thrusting moves very quickly. I needed a martial art that Kaiba could practice on his own. I planed to use the more common Karate, but the Bo (which is kind of a subset of Karate), has a combination of grace and deadly accuracy that seemed perfect for Kaiba.

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KATA: A series of choreographed moves designed to show different techniques.

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DOJO: Martial Arts school

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GI: Uniform

I guess that's it. At last, on to the story!

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CHAPTER 16: YAMIS LOVE A GUY IN A BLACK BELT 

YAMI'S NARRATIVE

The Wicked Worm Beast slithered forward, tentacles reaching out to strangle. A blinding light reflected off the Crystal Dragon's slashing talons as Hyozanryu found its prey. The Rabid Horseman's axe and hooves were gleaming red. The air crackled with the Witty Phantom's insane laughter, but nothing could drown out the agonized screams as each devastating attack struck home. Waiting, were uncountable demons, all eager to rend flesh from bone. Caught between terror and exhilaration, the words rang in my ears, "Is this what death feels like?"

I sat up with a gasp. It was still dark outside. Next to me, Kaiba's whimpers were dying away as he eased into a deep, dreamless sleep. Soon, the sheets tangled around his legs would be the only remaining evidence of the nightmare I had given him. He had not woken; had not even broken a sweat. In the end, the vision of Hell I had forced on him in our first Shadow Game, was only one nightmare among many.

For I entered his remaining nightmares freely now. I wasn't sure his permission had extended past that one night, but I stayed to bear witness, even though I couldn't protect him, had never been able to protect him, even from his dreams. I felt a burning need to see the forces that had shaped the man before me.

In this, Mokuba was an uncertain ally. He regarded me now with a mixture of wariness and speculation that disturbed me – I had expected his trust. Instead, I could almost see the wheels turning in his head when he looked at me.

Kaiba was still wrapped up in his work, his new dueling system which he called a duel cuff, whatever that was. The only break he took, except when I could lure him out of the house, was to practice with his _bo_, usually when he should have been eating or sleeping.

Mokuba took me to see him in yet another empty room of the mansion, when I asked where he disappeared to every night. He was barely aware of our presence, his concentration was so intense. I had seen Kaiba fight before, but I was startled by his blinding speed, and the feline grace with which he moved; the thin staff an extension of his hands, even as it connected them. Yet despite the ferocity of his lightning maneuvers, there was an unfamiliar sense of calmness about him. His face was peaceful, his body relaxed, as he went through the moves of his kata over and over, as if he could find tranquility only in exhaustion. Sometimes Mokuba and I would watch for a while, until the younger boy fell asleep on the couch that was the room's only furniture, unless you counted the neatly arranged weapons and mirrored walls. I began to wonder if there were couches in every room of the house for Mokuba to fall asleep on.

I thought of the many fighting styles I had seen him display, over the years. "Where did he learn all of this," I murmured -- I thought to myself -- as Mokuba rested his sleepy head on my leg.

I should have had more respect for the boy's sharp hearing and even sharper mind – the next thing I knew, we were accompanying Kaiba on one of his rare visits to his dojo to watch him train. I wasn't sure how Mokuba had talked Kaiba into letting us come, or why Mokuba had wanted to invite me in the first place. But I was sure I would find out. With Mokuba, later was usually better than sooner. 

Not that I minded going. I wanted to see a place that could occasionally entice Kaiba away from his computer, his duel disk designs, and his business. Remembering his disastrous attempt at high school, I was curious to see the class that could contain him. 

The jujitsu class was the closest I had ever seen Kaiba come to blending in with the crowd. In that sea of white gis, he was distinguishable only by his height, the intensity of his crystalline blue eyes, and the black belt that rested on his slim hips. I raised one eyebrow in surprise, but I should have expected both his accomplishment and the secrecy with which he chose to shroud it. Mokuba saw my expression and grinned ruefully. "I know – he's weird. He got it during that last year with our adoptive father. I think he was afraid to bring it in the house. He acts almost like he's ashamed of having a Black Belt. I don't think he'd wear it at all, but he doesn't want to be disrespectful to sensei."

I took a closer look at the man teaching the class. Respect for others and Kaiba were two things that rarely came together. Sensei Fukuzatso was middle-aged, younger than Sugoroku; a little taller and far thinner. His air of barely leashed power and distant manner reminded me of Kaiba himself. Although it was hard to tell, I thought there was not just respect, but possibly some affection between them as he used Kaiba to demonstrate the moves for the class – clearly a position of honor – as he threw and choked the boy into submission.

Kaiba easily duplicated his teacher's fluid grace as he practiced the throws and chokes. Although the moves were routine, I could watch him for hours. I longed to brush the damp hair from his forehead, lick the sweat from his chest, and pull him to the mat by his black belt. I considered the possibilities of that giant padded floor and smiled. Then I took a closer look at Kaiba, and adjusted my fantasies. 

Kaiba was so rarely thrown off balance, that I had been amused and a little touched to see how dazed he was by gentleness, how its very unexpectedness disarmed him. I would kiss him tenderly, fondle him with feather light touches, as if asking for his permission, rather than his surrender. I was always moved by the fearlessness of his response, from one so afraid of revealing his emotions; of the complete baring of his desire, of the intensity of his passion. His lips would open for mine, his tall frame moving to fit beneath me, to take me in; as if he couldn't wait to be possessed, as if he was offering not just his body, but his soul. Yet his fervency combined with a shyness that would have seemed out of character, had it not resembled the wariness of a woodland creature who had learned to distrust the world of men. 

But now that the seawall holding back his emotions had been breached, too many were fighting for release for any one mood, especially such a softened one, to hold permanent sway. Having lived his nightmares, I was amazed that any pliancy still existed, much less a longing to succumb. And the defiant belligerence that had ensured his survival -- that now formed the bedrock of his character -- could not long tolerate any suggestion of submission, even to affection or desire.

I admit, I enjoyed seeing my rival, the unflappable Seto Kaiba melt at my lightest touch, unable to contain either his emotions or his moans. But power has as many facets as Kaiba himself. And I also felt a thrill of pride and accomplishment, seeing my Blue Eyes able to finally unchain the dragon that dwelt within his heart; to watch his ascendance.

For if the fragility that he hid so well had drawn me to him, even when we were enemies; it was not the only lure. I found Kaiba's unyielding spirit, his unquellable ferocity, equally enthralling. They were on display now, as I watched him train. For years, his explosive temper had been his only relief from the emotions that rode him as hard as his desire for victory. I counted it as one of my most precious and pleasurable triumphs that he finally felt safe enough to reveal the full force of his fiery nature in the only other way open to him – with his body. 

I knew which Kaiba I would face tonight. The one finally able to relax the iron grip he kept on his passions; losing control of himself and his detachment even as he took control of my movements as easily and effortlessly as he did with the boy now in front of him. At these times, he was not a gentle lover. At these times, it was not gentleness I wanted, but an elemental heat.

I forced myself to concentrate on the class. Kaiba and his partner were working through the exercise, flowing easily between the _tore_ and _uke _roles; their movements light and graceful. They seemed to be taking part in some lethal dance, the only accompaniment the thuds of their bodies hitting the floor in turn.

"He's good," I said to Mokuba. "It must have taken years of practice. I hadn't realized how important this must be to him."

I could see Mokuba choosing his words with care, weighing them. "Nisama takes things very seriously. _He's_ not the King of Games."

Was that meant for me? I wondered, and flushed with anger as I realized what he was trying to say. He met my crimson glare head on, worry evident in those large lavender-gray eyes, so like Yugi's. As quickly as it had flared, my fury left, and I realized how keenly I was coming to love both Kaiba brothers.

"It's just a title." I said gently. "You know I don't take things lightly either, and I can recognize the difference between a person and a game." I added sadly, "And I don't think your brother will ever be less of a challenge."

He looked first at the floor, and then into my eyes, like a child who trusts that his unspoken apology will be accepted. 

"When it comes to his business or his deck, my brother's got all the right moves. It's just that when it comes to his life…"

His voice trailed off. He swallowed and then blurted out, "You've seen his nightmares. You've seen the kind of choices he makes. It's hard to believe he stumbled into a good one for once."

He smiled up at me, his buoyancy restored, for the moment. But I knew that in a few days, we would be repeating a variation of this conversation. Reassurance never lasted long with either Kaiba.

But I was surprised. For once, Mokuba had underestimated his brother. Kaiba had made his disastrous choices out of desperation, not ignorance. They must have seemed the only options open to him if he was to keep faith with Mokuba and himself. Even as I grieved over the price, I was proud of his unflinching resolve in paying it – as if no cost was too high, compared to the value he put on his own given word – or his brother's life.

Alone now, without, as Kaiba liked to put it, 'a damn puzzle to hide out in', I was learning to total the bill for my own choices: the loss of my memories, and of my shared existence with Yugi. The tab for my choices was no where near as dear as the price Kaiba had been called upon to pay, but I was learning from him to accept the bill stoically, as an ordinary expense of doing business with life.

As I stood there, reflecting, the class had finished their drills, and paired for sparring.

"With his height he'd be great if he stuck to kicking. But he's always liked throwing and mat work better, even though he's at more of a disadvantage there." Mokuba said critically. (I almost groaned thinking of Kaiba's long legs.) 

Actually Mokuba was only half right, I thought as I watched him spar. His opponent took a step forward. Faster than sight, Kaiba stepped back into his move, his long legs bent low to the ground, swinging his hips below his far shorter opponent. As he pulled the boy forward on his hip, his leg swept backward, catching the other teen, flipping him high in the air. It was beautiful. Kaiba followed him to the ground. One of his arms snaked around his opponent's neck, his hand gripped the top of his own pants above the knee, pinning the other boy to the mat beneath him. His head was bent down, curled into his arm, the long hair shielding his face from my view. His partner bucked and writhed, trying unavailingly to shake him off, finally giving up and tapping his arm. 

As Kaiba stood, I could see his face. It was flushed with exertion and pleasure, gleaming with sweat. His gi top had opened and his chest rose and fell as he caught his breath. He looked like he had just finished making love. I realized why wrestling was his favorite form of foreplay, why he needed the pretense of aggression to relax, to let go of his inhibitions. For an instant I was jealous of his class, of his sparring partners. Then I wondered in sorrow, if these mock fights were the closest he had come to being touched with affection for all those years. My feelings changed and I felt grateful to this place, to these people, for keeping some ability to respond alive within him.

After class, Kaiba stayed behind, showing the sensei the kata he had worked on with his _bo_. I had thought it perfect, but the sensei made minute corrections, slightly repositioning his hands or the turn of his hips. The he brought out his own _bo_, and they started sparring lightly. I was amazed, not just at the control they showed – it was clear they were being careful not to hurt each other – but at the trust implied, when one false move could take out an eye or break a knee. Kaiba stayed to help the older man clean and lock up the dojo. As I watched him sweep up, I was reminded that he had not always been a multi-billionaire CEO. 

His intense involvement in mastering his craft; his pure pleasure in the movements of the art itself, had shone from the center of his very being -- but he had not spoken a word to either the sensei or his partners -- beyond respectful greetings at the start of each match, and as he knelt and bowed at the beginning and end of class.

I wondered again why Mokuba had brought me. It couldn't be just to show me that Kaiba could be more than an arrogant jerk – I knew that already. And he could have questioned me just as easily at home. He pointed to the sensei. "He's known us since Seto was a kid, even younger than me." He said casually. "Clever boy" I thought, "and they call me the King of Games." For he had waited to be reassured of my feelings for his brother, before speaking.

Mokuba didn't add anything more. He didn't need to. He had caught my attention, and he knew it – as surely as he knew where I'd be the following night.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: When I saw the illustration in Shonnen Jump of the nightmare Yami gave Kaiba after beating him in their first Shadow Game, I couldn't resist having Yami witness it. Except for trying to find a tentacled monster to strangle Kaiba, I disregarded the illustration because I wanted Kaiba to be killed by his own demons. 

Animebay-b asked me earlier who the uke was. As you can see, I'm starting to answer that. It's funny – I love 'Yami saving Seto' stories and 'Uke Seto' stories, so I started out to write one combining the two. But I don't think that's what I ended up with, although elements remain. I don't see this as a story of a strong person helping a weaker one, but of two strong people coming together. Because I think, despite all his flaws, Kaiba is an incredibly strong person. There's a wonderful scene in the subtitled Noa's Arc where Yugi is in his soul room. He's dueling with a combination of his and Kaiba's cards, he's about to lose to Noa, and even his friends' (in sort of spirit form) encouragement isn't working. Kaiba shows up as simply says, 'as long as my heart is in those cards, that deck will never stop fighting.' I wanted to capture that sense of strength in both characters. And I think that is true in all aspects of their relationship.

Trusting someone, being cared for, letting someone in (literally as well as figuratively) are all the things Seto has forbidden himself – so I think they would have a tremendous erotic charge for him. But given his history, and aggressive personality, I don't think it's a role he could deal with all the time, or that he could accept doing anything that felt submissive to him. I think what would be important to him was to feel that he was the one choosing – and then what he did would depend on his mood or circumstances – or whether he happened to be fighting his inner demons or the world at that particular moment. I don't think Yami would want Kaiba to be anything other than what he is – except, perhaps happier. Yami is after all, a person that both recognizes and celebrates strength in others. The next chapter refers to Seto's early life. After that I look at the different situations that might bring out different sides of both Yami and Kaiba.

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RESPONSES TO REVIEWS: Thank You – I couldn't believe how many lengthy, thoughtful responses I got to the last chapter! I have grouped responses, to a certain extent by category.

Samurai-ashes – **manga:** I wish all the episodes had been translated. However, there are two really good web sites where you can find some 'scanlations' One is Jenniyah's and the other is Janime's web sites. There is a link to Jenniyah's site in Blue September's author profile. It's got lots of interesting Kaib speculation too. You can get a link to Janime from there. I don't know the addresses because they are bookmarked on my computer.

I really love the following episodes on **Jenniyah: **225-231: This is Kaiba's duel with Isis. If you've only seen the dub, this is a treat. Briefly, Isis has used her necklace to see the future, where she beats Kaiba, but loses all chance to rescue Malik. Although this is a hopeless future, she is determined to follow it, believing she must submit to destiny. Of course, he opponent would be Kaiba – who doesn't submit to anything. It's got some of Kaiba's best lines, and he gets to be, not just the victor but the hero.

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Janime: My favorite is 263-264, which has a lot of dialog, and internal thoughts after Kaiba loses to Yami Yugi. For sheer creepiness, I recommend the end of Death-T, also at this site.

Blue September – **Yami:** I agree, I think Yami has a lot of doubts, and definitely needs and relies on the support of his friends, especially Yugi. One thing I love is the way the powerful, enigmatic spirit leans on the shy, easily bullied teenager for moral courage and support – and sees the inner strength in him that no one notices. A lot of what goes on with Yami is unexpressed – another similarity with everyone's favorite CEO. In Yami, I'm trying to show a character who is wise and powerful, but doesn't have all the answers, and is trying to deal with the profound changes being in his own body would have, especially as I think he might consider it a mixed blessing. I think Kaiba could help him make this adjustment. After reading your review, I went through this, and future chapters to see if that sense of Yami and his relationship with Kaiba came through.

Chibi Angelic Slayer, Kagemihari, lil angel, Spirit Star, Tuulikki – **Mokuba:** If there's a Mokuba Fan Club – put me down for membership. Mokuba is still a kid, so there's a lot he doesn't quite understand – yet he's so wise, in so many ways, especially when it comes to his brother. When he's talking to Kaiba after his loss to Yugi at Alcatraz Tower, he's telling his brother how he didn't like Yugi at first, but how they fought for him 'just like friends'. Maybe it's just me, but it's almost like he couldn't quite believe that they weren't 'like' friends -- they WERE his friends. There's a real sadness to Mokuba that tears at me, because he's such a loving little guy.

Crimson Winter, Kagemihari, lil angel – **Seto's anger:** I just got the subtitled dvd of the beginning of Yugi's duel with Mailk. There's a wonderful bit with Kaiba, where he's saying that this duel will show that miracles can't happen and that friendship is an illusion – and you can see how desperately he wants to be proved wrong. I tried to capture that sense of Kaiba in his fights with Yami, and also that Yami understood, and even sympathized with what he's going through – although he still got pretty annoyed.

Kagemihari, Tuulikki – **Games:** I figured they couldn't be grim all the time, so I tried to think of what they would do for fun, and decided it had to be both competitive and reckless, because that's who they are. They also clearly like competing with each other. I do more of this in some late chapters. I hadn't read Fire Tears' Of Cars, Driving Lessons and Road Rage. I'm kind of glad I hadn't since it's somewhat similar, and much wilder and funnier than what I was envisioning. It was really good – thank you for the recommendation.

Lightning Sage, Seto-Kaiba-fan – **In character:** Thank you. I find that the reviews have helped a lot. Things people have written have made me think more about Yami's struggle to accept the loss of his memories, Mokuba's relationship with Gozaburo, and the nature of Yami and Seto's relationship. So the story that's appearing is somewhat different, and I think deeper than the original version.

OrangeGirlExplosion – Glad you liked it.

Lone Wolf 55 – Thank you – you were the first person to review, and it's good to see you back.


	18. Ch 17 What are little boys made of?

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I was thrilled at how many thoughtful, lengthy, in-depth reviews I've gotten to the last two chapters. It's been overwhelming and a big help, as I am revising the rest of the story.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Some rules are made to be broken, especially self-imposed ones. I had not planned on having an original character narrate a chapter. But I really wanted to explore Kaiba's early life, so I needed an outsider who could talk about it. I had originally planed to have Yami narrate the chapter, as Sensei Fukuzatso told the story of Seto's life, but then I realized I needed more than his words – I needed his thoughts on his most disturbing student. I also needed a more distant tone, so I wanted the chapter narrated by someone who was _not_ in love with Seto. I'm not a fan of original characters intruding in a story – so please feel free to think of him as a plot device, although I tried to give him a personality.

As I said in the last chapter, I thought the martial arts, would be an important part of Kaiba's life. I think he needed the balance and sense of peace and focus that the martial arts can provide. But I didn't want the dojo to be a refuge, or the sensei to be a father substitute – or at least not a satisfactory one – since I think that Kaiba has never had anyone to depend on, and that lack is one of the defining things about his personality.

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VOCABULARY NOTES: According to the Japanese/English dictionary I looked at in Barnes and Noble (I love that place) the Sensei's name, **Fukuzatso**, means 'mixed feelings' for reasons, that I hope will be clear by the end of the chapter. **Otouto** means (I believe) little brother.

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STYLE NOTE: _ITALICS_ indicate a conversation that took place in the past.

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COOKING NOTE: Kitsure Soba is (according to the Japanese cookbook I looked at in Barnes and Noble (again) a sweet noodle and tofu dish. At least it should be sweet -–it had enough sugar in the recipe. It also looked pretty easy to make.

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MARTIAL ARTS NOTES: I do understand that it is impossible that any one person would be an expert at all the different martial arts I describe in this chapter. But when I thought about it, each martial art seemed to either work well as a metaphor for some aspect of Kaiba's personality, or be particularly appropriate for a stage in his life. So I decided to throw take a lot of literary license, and throw them all into my story. So, please suspend disbelief – after all this is a story about a guy who lived in a puzzle.

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BO or BO STAFF: This is basically a long stick, about the height of the person using it. The type of Bo I picture Kaiba using is a modern one – it would be six feet long, about the diameter of a broom stick, with tapered ends. Using mostly two-handed (with some one-handed and release moves) the person makes sweeping, slashing and thrusting moves very quickly. I needed a martial art that Kaiba could practice on his own. I planed to use the more common Karate, but the Bo (which is kind of a subset of Karate), has a combination of grace and deadly accuracy that seemed perfect for Kaiba.

AS USUAL, ADDITIONAL AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.

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CHAPTER 17: WHAT ARE LITTLE BOYS MADE OF?

SENSEI FUKUZATSO'S NARRATIVE

I noticed the boy with the wild hair as I swept the front steps after my last class. He was wandering up the block; it was hard to believe our meeting was by chance. He nodded as I greeted him. I was pleased he did not pretend surprise.

So it was the silent stranger from the night before who helped me lock up. I looked him over, determining his age, and offered him a beer. He smiled, obviously remembering that the night before, I had offered Seto only water. But some stories are told best with alcohol, and I had been waiting to tell Seto's' story, and mine, for a long time.

Although I knew it was baseless, my heart felt a vague guilt over Seto, and my part in his life. I suppose it was that nebulous, unjustified feeling that had led me to reward his prowess with the black belt that his attendance had not earned. But then, I had been afraid to speculate on the reason for his many absences. 

We drank our beers for a moment in silence, settling into the empty dojo. My guest gave me his name, and waited patiently. When I spoke, it was without expression, as if I was recounting a fairy tale, or an ancient history. I have always found it difficult to summon emotion where Seto was concerned.

"I've known Seto a long time, but less well with each year that passed." I began. "I first met him when he was just a child, younger than Mokuba is now, maybe only seven. He would come to the judo class, wheeling Mokuba in his stroller. He was a serious boy, even then, but within five minutes he'd be rolling on the floor like a puppy, playing with the other children. Sometimes, when his father was working late, he would help me straighten up and get ready for the adult class in the evening. I don't think he liked taking Mokuba back to an empty house, so I would let him stay. We'd have dinner together, usually kitsure soba. He always had a bit of a sweet tooth." 

My guest interrupted, without noticing, speaking almost to himself.

"The cook must know him better than I thought. Whenever he's missed a couple of meals, that's the dish she makes." He smiled, "Seto won't admit to any weakness – even for sugar, but now I know why Mokuba's always trying to drag him out for ice cream, and how he wins so easily."

I sighed. I had seen Seto try to stamp out his humanity too often to be amused or to have patience with his quirks. 

"After dinner, he'd sit through the jujitsu class, doing his homework, while Mokuba slept on the mat beside him, until their father honked the car horn, for them to come out and go home.

After his father's death, he came occasionally, still with Mokuba in tow. I think he was sneaking out of the orphanage – or maybe no one cared as long as they were back for dinner. He told me seriously that he couldn't pay the class fee, but if I let him come, he would keep a record and pay me when he grew up. He wanted to learn self defense -- I think to protect Mokuba. The younger boy would sit on the mat and watch, like always, but now, Seto would snarl if anyone got too close."

I took another swallow of beer, for the first time avoiding my guest's eyes, before continuing.

"He always left as soon as the class ended, hurrying back to the orphanage. One day he stayed behind. He had been tense all through class, for once, inattentive. Although Seto was only nine, he was worried about what would happen if no one adopted them before he turned 18, and grew too old to remain in the orphanage."

__

"Sensei," he had said, bracing himself, before blurting out, _"I can't leave Mokuba alone there. I've made too many enemies protecting him. The minute I'm gone, they'll close in on him. I'm afraid of what they'll do. When I turn 18, will you adopt him? Just until I can earn enough to support us both. I'll do anything in return. Please, help."_

I had never heard him plead before, but there was only one answer I could give.

__

"You know I can't promise that Seto. But it'll work out. You'll see. Someone will want you both."

__

"No one has so far. Why should the future be any different? They all look at me and see a genius. They look at him and see nothing. Nobody sees that he's everything – not even you."

__

"Be patient. Have faith." I told him sternly, but he was beyond hearing me. 

He bowed formally, looked me in the eye, and said proudly, _"Then I challenge you. You've taught me well. Now let's see if I've surpassed you. If I can win a match before I turn 18 – then will you adopt Mokuba?"_

I laughed, until I realized that he was serious. Then I told him angrily, _"You insult me. Only a madman would play with people's lives as if it was a game."_

He smiled, but it was a cold, calculating smile.

__

"Thanks for the tip." 

"Something broke within him after that. He still came to class, when he could, and was still polite, but he was distant now, as if a wall of ice had sprung between us. I welcomed it. I wanted no more impossible requests.

From then on, he came less often, always with a chess book in his hand. As the year went on he got more and more excited. He was sure he had found a home – the best in Domino, he boasted, a slight sneer in his voice."

"I know that tone. He learned it so young." My guest murmured sadly to himself. 

Seto learned everything too young. Somehow, one tended to forget that when confronted with his aloof personality. But something told me my guest would not agree, and I didn't stop to debate it. Now, I only wanted to finish my tale as quickly as possible.

"One day, he came to the dojo in a limo. He had been adopted by Gozaburo Kaiba, of all people. I was relieved. For a while, he and Mokuba came regularly again. Then, he disappeared. I was a little surprised, but that happens with boys -- he had a new life now, and I knew he was still angry.

He showed up at my door again, weeks later, like a wild creature in the night. For the first time, he was without Mokuba. He had always been quiet, but now he didn't talk at all – it was as if he had forgotten how. I was disturbed. I tried to get him to speak with me after class, but he turned and ran back out into the night. 

One morning I found Mokuba was on my doorstep. He didn't explain or ask for help. There was no point – I knew that whatever had happened, nothing could make Seto turn back from any course of action he had decided upon. Mokuba simply begged me to take his brother back -- pleaded with me not the press Seto to talk, to just accept him, and let him be. I hesitated. I was no longer sure that my teachings could satisfy the untamable creature Seto was becoming, or that my class could hold him. That night, he had worn darkness like a coat he could throw on and off again at will. But when I looked at Mokuba's face, I just couldn't refuse him. I promised to do what he wanted.

So Seto came back, when he could get away. Often weeks, or even months would pass between visits. He asked for karate katas, so he could practice by himself, at home. They were practically the only words he spoke all year. I did not encourage him to talk. It was more than my promise to Mokuba that silenced my questions. I could not have done anything other than refuse him, but I did not want to see the consequences of that refusal, did not want to know what was happening in his life. 

It during that year that he discovered the _bo_." 

"How could he have hoped to keep such a long object hidden from Gozaburo?" Yami asked, then answered his own question, saying with a fond grin, "He's nothing if not resourceful. I wondered why he kept an old broom stick handle among his weapons. "

I looked at him quizzically. "Do you know the history of the _bo_?" 

His crimson eyes widened as he considered the implications of Kaiba's choice. The_ bo staff_ was a peasant's weapon, originally meant to be used as a defense against a more powerful and more heavily armed enemy.

"I read about Gozaburo's suicide in the paper, like everyone else." I continued. "I expected to see Seto again, regularly – but instead a messenger delivered a check. It covered everything – all the back lessons, even the sodas and food I had given him and Mokuba over the years – with interest. I went to the Kaiba Mansion for the first time, only to be greeted by Mokuba. 

__

"You can't see him." the boy told me flatly at the door.

__

"Why not?"

He didn't answer me directly. _"He'll return when he's ready. He'll need a place to come back to then. Besides, you don't really want to see him now."_

__

"Why not?" I repeated. _"What's happened?"_

__

"You never wanted to know what was going on before. Why the sudden interest now? Besides, didn't you promise not to ask any questions?"

I shrugged, "He was right. After all those years of detachment, I had lost the right to demand explanations. But Mokuba had never reminded me so much of his brother before."

"I've met that Mokuba too." My visitor said. "Seto made sure that his otouto's life followed a different path. He's tried so hard to erase any signs of himself in the boy, as if he was a disease that Mokuba needed to be vaccinated against -- never seeing that the traits they share are part of what makes Mokuba so special – the same fierce loyalty and reckless courage. Yet, I think it would kill him if he ever realized how much like him, Mokuba really is."

I looked at my visitor with renewed interest. I had never heard anyone speak of Seto in that tone of doting fondness. Once again, it seemed that my impulse to trust Mokuba's instincts had been sound. I shook my head in wonder, as I continued.

"I went back to the dojo. The next thing I heard was that Seto was in a coma, and not expected to recover." 

I was surprised to see a look of pain flash across those crimson eyes, although he didn't speak.

" Then one day he just walked in, as if he had never been gone. I would have questioned him, but there was a stillness to him that I was afraid to shatter. Besides, I had …"

"Promised Mokuba," he finished for me.

"He's very talented," Yami added. "I understand why he never competed as a child, but why hasn't he entered tournaments now?"

Given Seto's competitive nature, and pure love of fighting, it was a reasonable question, but now it was my turn to smile. 

"Most boys learn the martial arts to prove themselves; they need to compete. It is a rare child who comes here seeking peace."

I finished my beer. I had given him my story – Seto's story – as though it was a gift.

He bowed and thanked me. I tossed the empty bottles in the trash, and answered his one remaining unspoken question.

"In all the years I've known Seto, he's never brought anyone to watch him before. Not even his father came to his first promotion. He fought with an extra spark last night. You may not have noticed – but he was showing off."

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's tempting to picture Seto as part of a happy family before his parents' death – but I think that was only true until his mother's death. I don't see his father as being a bad or an abusive father, but I think he would have been grief stricken at the loss of his wife, and overwhelmed by the suddenly being suddenly responsible for a new born and a five-year old. He also probably wasn't used to taking complete care of them on a daily basis – that would have been largely his wife's responsibility, and he would suddenly be the sole provider for these two small kids. I can see him throwing himself into his work, not realizing he was doing it to avoid his feelings, possibly even telling himself he was working overtime for his kids -–if you think about it, that's kind of the way Kaiba himself operates. In short, I think he would have been too grief stricken, depressed and overwhelmed to really provide the emotional support his children, particularly his eldest son, needed.

I also didn't want the sensei to be the villain in this, even if he couldn't give Seto the kind of help he needed. After all, it's reasonable that he couldn't promise to adopt Mokuba, and to his credit that he didn't lie about it. I think as time went on, he would find Seto increasingly disturbing. If you read the early mangas, Seto is turning into a cold, almost inhuman character.

I do think, however that unintentional damage can still be devastating, and the message Seto would have gotten was that in the end, no one would care enough about him, and that he couldn't rely on anyone but himself.

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UPDATE NOTE: I've been trying to update once a week. The next one will be a couple of days late -- probably the following Tuesday or Wednesday. I decided I needed a chapter developing the relationship (platonic) between Yami and Mokuba. Not so much an inner dialog, as a heart to heart conversation. Anyway, I'm trying to get it into shape, and will post it before Thanksgiving.

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS: First of all – Thank You! I was absolutely blown away by the time people have taken with the last two chapters, and the thoughtful responses people have sent in. It's been beyond expectation, and I love it. It's also helped me think about the characters, and what needs to be said before the end (which is still a ways off). I was also taken with how many people were reading or reviewing for the first time. 

Crimson Winter, Kagemihari, Tuulikki, Samurai-ashes – **Seto:** Kagemihari described Seto as a proud fierce dragon with a fragile heart full of courage. That is exactly how I see him. I thought the dojo would be a good place to show that warrior side of him. Paradoxically (is that a word?) I think Seto has another side, he hasn't gotten to meet very often – the side of him that is getting to experience physical affection for the first time. Both sides seemed to need to be expressed here.

Animebay-b, Blue September, Crimson Winter, Kagemihari, Tuulikki – **Mokuba:** I love writing Mokuba. He's not as dark as Seto, yet he's not a happy, innocent kid either. Sometimes I feel like he's trying to hold on to the sunny side of his personality, because he knows the price his brother paid for it – so his optimism is almost a labor of love. I think he doesn't quite get how much Yami cares for both of them, but one good thing about writing in different POVs is the characters don't always have to be correct in their assumptions – and certainly not in their feelings. Oh, yeah – at the very end, I was implying that Mokuba knew Yami would want to talk to the Sensei because he could tell him about Seto's childhood. But he also knows Seto might not want him to, because he hates revealing information about himself. (Although I have this idea that Seto might not mind Yami knowing him better – as long as he didn't have to talk about it.) So Mokuba wouldn't go against his brother's probable wishes, unless he believed it was in Seto's best interest.
Lightning Sage, Mistress of Dragons, Red Dragon, Vegeta999 – **Martial Arts:** I had no idea how many readers had practiced various martial arts. I'm glad you think the Bo Staff suits Kaiba. I've just started learning it, I love it, and couldn't help but think it fits his personality. I had considered having him do kendo, because there's something about a sword that suits his austere personality – but then when I realized the bo was originally a peasant's weapon, it seemed to fit his battle with Gozaburo.
Blue September, Unintentional Nightmare – **love, tension and anger:** Well with Seto those three go together. I think Seto not only believes that people will eventually abandon or abuse him – he believes, because of his past actions, this is what he deserves. So I think it would be a struggle for him to be with someone. I wanted to show that the more he wants Yami to stay, the more he would try to drive him away. I think Yami understands this -- even if understanding is sometimes not enough to keep him from getting angry, it is enough to ensure his forgiveness.

Blue September, Spirit Star, Tuulikki – **Style:** Thank you. I've tried to develop different voices for the characters. A more thoughtful, romantic tone for Yami; a clipped, bitter tone for Seto, with flashes of dark humor, and times when the phrases all come out in a rush -–like his emotions, and a young, yet sad tone for Mokuba.

Ceresi – **Seto/Yami:** I'm pretty heavily influenced by the manga and subtitled dvds. I do think of Seto as being painfully unhappy , and I've also tried to capture his bitter humor -- I sometimes wince as I'm writing Seto's narratives. I also think of Yami as someone who is wise, but is also learning to deal with a new life. **Romance:** partly because it's PG-13, and partly because it's the way I've chosen to write this story, I try to describe the romance through the emotions of the characters -- –w they feel, rather than what they're doing. I'm glad you like that part of the story, it's something that I'm always trying to get right – to be emotionally intense without sappiness, and to show Seto falling in love, with out it being OOC. **Dialog:** Yeah, as you can tell, I've had a hard time working in the dialog. I'm trying to make sure each chapter has at some dialog, but it's been a struggle. 
Chibi Angelic Slayer, Seto-Kaiba's-fan – Thank you for your continued reviews. I'm glad the story is keeping your interest, especially seeing how long it's getting.


	19. Ch 18A Sometimes, Three's not a Crowd

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help. 

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I'd like to thank Kagemihari for her help with this chapter. One of her comments made me realize that there was a lot of history between Mokuba and Yugi that had to be resolved. I knew one incident in particular was important – but I didn't know why, and I had given up on figuring it out. I was trying to write the chapter around it, which is always a bad idea, when I got a wonderful e-mail from Kagemihari, where she spelled out exactly why this incident was important. I leaned on her insight, with her permission, and the rest of the chapter fell into place. So before the story begins I'd like to make my thanks clear.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: THIS CHAPTER WAS SO LONG I HAD TO POST IT IN TWO PARTS. THEY ARE MEANT, HOWEVER TO BE ONE, SEAMLESS, UNINTERRUPTED CHAPTER. Additional ANs and Response to Reviews are at the end of the second half. 

I am trying to keep the ANs in the beginning for things that may be necessary to understand the background of the chapter. The ANs at the end are sort of more stream of consciousness thoughts.

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STYLE NOTE: _ITALICS_ are used when Mokuba is relaying a conversation that happened in the past.

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MANGA NOTE: This chapter is based heavily on the manga version of the early history between Yami and the Kaiba brothers. If you're familiar with the manga, please skip to the story. If not, I think this note will be helpful.

In their first encounter, Kaiba tries to buy the Blue Eyes White Dragon from Sugoroku. When this fails, he steals it from Yugi. To get it back, Yami challenges Kaiba to a Shadow Game. Kaiba loses when the Blue Eyes destroys itself, because it's torn between obeying Kaiba's command and its loyalty to Sugoroku. As a punishment, Yami leaves Kaiba in the Shadow Realm (or an earlier version) where he experiences the illusion of being killed by duel monsters (the source of the nightmare in chapter 16).

Mokuba blames Yami for driving his brother insane – personally I think he's off base – the pre-Yami version didn't look particularly sane to me. Anyway, Mokuba challenges Yugi twice, knowing Yami will appear. It's clear he's doing it both to get revenge, and to protect his brother by keeping Kaiba from challenging Yami again. As a result of both losses, Mokuba has the illusion of being locked in a Monster Chess Capsule, and is forced to eat poison.

Kaiba forces Yugi and friends to compete in the Death-T tournament, which can kill them. Mokuba challenges Yami , and insisted on being one of the competitors to prove himself to his brother, but this goes horribly wrong. Kaiba thinks Mokuba is trying to show him up and will eventually challenge him. So when Yami beats Mokuba, Kaiba forces his brother to go through the 'Death Simulation Chamber' which duplicates the dream Yami gave him, and which he prepared for Yami as revenge. Yami hears Mokuba's screams and rescues him. He then beats Kaiba and 'shatters' his heart, leaving Kaiba in a coma until he can put the pieces together.

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CHAPTER 18: SOMETIMES, THREE'S NOT A CROWD

MOKUBA'S NARRATIVE

"MOKUBA!"

I woke up to the sound of my brother screaming my name. I sprinted for the door, thankful I no longer had to fumble with the electronic lock, then raced to the bed. As always, I appreciated Yami's courage in sleeping beside my brother each night. Right now, he was struggling to restrain Nisama. Yami had learned the hard way that the gentle approach just didn't work with this particular nightmare. It usually took both of us to wake him up. One look at Yami's face told me that he had lived through this dream too, but I had never asked him to show it to me. He probably would have refused, and anyway, I didn't really want to see myself ripped apart by Seto's monsters. Once had been enough. 

Nisama's eyes were open. He was fighting something only he could see, screaming my name 'till I thought all of Domino could hear us. There's a reason my brother's room was pretty soundproof, although he was too proud to seal it off completely.

I shook my brother, yelling in his ear, trying to be heard over his howls, "It's okay, Nisama. I'm right here." But either he couldn't hear me, or didn't believe me. Finally, he sat up with a gasp, shuddering uncontrollably. He yanked me into his arms, his fingers running down my face like a blind man's; his own face buried in my hair – as if trying to reassure himself I was real.

Then he pushed me away, like he always did. Once he was sure I was alive, he never wanted to be touched. He had changed a little, since Yami. He would hug me now – to comfort me, and because he knew I liked it. But he would only rarely let me embrace him in return – and never after this nightmare.

"I thought I killed you." He muttered, as if I didn't know, as if we hadn't had this conversation before.

You didn't. It was just a dream."

"I could have killed you. That was no dream."

"It's okay."

That got him mad, as it always did.

"In what universe is it _'okay'_ for me to almost kill my brother with my own duel monsters?"

This time, I tried a joke, "At least it's something we have in common – being eaten alive by your demons." I put on my best smile, but my brother wasn't buying it. I was serious anyway. There's no experience I wouldn't want to share with my brother, even this one.

I could never resist trying to make him feel better, even though I knew it wouldn't work. 

"I don't blame you," I said.

"You should."

"I love you."

He flinched at that, before replying, almost too low for me to hear.

"You shouldn't."

"I forgive you."

"Some things can't be forgiven."

"Oh yeah? How come it's okay for you to get beaten to a pulp just to give me a home? How come it's okay for our adoptive father to drive you half crazy, and for Yami to finish the job – but you're the only one who never gets to make a mistake?"

"My mistakes, as you call them, have fatal consequences."

"This time it didn't. Whether you want to hear it or not, Nisama – I forgive you."

He never had an answer to that, but I wasn't fooled. His silence didn't mean I had convinced him. 

After a moment, he mumbled, as he always did. "You deserve better." He looked at Yami. "And you should have left me in the Shadow Realm with the other demons where I belong."

With anyone else, I would think they were exaggerating. But my brother was in earnest.

Promise me you won't hurt yourself." I demanded.

No answer.

"Promise me, Nisama!"

"I promise," he finally whispered. 

After a while, he was calm enough to fall back into an exhausted slumber. With any luck he'd sleep 'till morning. I relaxed as I leaned against Yami. I knew why Nisama was drawn to him – it was the power of course, and the air of danger – my brother could never resist either. But I was starting to understand why he stayed, why he needed Yami. There was something comforting about him, about being held by him in the dark, as Nisama slept beside us.

"Thanks for making him keep the door unlocked." I mumbled.

"Despite what Kaiba thinks, you hardly need any more practice hacking into security systems." He said with a touch of annoyance.

Despite the tension, I smiled. I loved it when Yami got on my brother's case about me, and started offering advice. Not that Nisama listened, thankfully. "Believe it or not, Kaiba," he's say, "tagging along behind you, carrying that ridiculous briefcase is _not_ the ideal exercise for a growing boy." My favorite was, "Did you ever realize Kaiba, that according to Yugi, helping your brother test a new video game is _not_ an acceptable excuse for missing school?" (Although after hearing my brother's explosion on that one, Yami had never held up Yugi as a role model again.)

Yami had three names for my brother: Blue Eyes when he was trying to tease him, Seto most of the time, and Kaiba for when Nisama really pissed him off. It was Kaiba at least once a day.

My smile faded as Yami continued speaking, "Seto would lock everyone out, if he could. But, as much as your brother would deny it, after that nightmare, he needs to see you, to touch you, to feel that you're alive. He needs to know you love him and forgive him."

"You couldn't tell that from his reaction." It always hurt. Although he didn't mean to, sometimes Nisama made me feel as helpless as our adoptive father had.

"He can't endure being forgiven right now – maybe not ever. But he still needs to hear that you accept what he did, even if he cannot."

He paused, then said, "You hate being at the core of his worst nightmare, don't you?"

I nodded, surprised that he had noticed. It was hard enough to get used to the idea that Yami really and truly cared about Nisama. And it was strange, that of all of Yugi's friends, Nisama's lover was the first to see me as a real person, not just as Kaiba's little brother. It seemed like almost too much to expect – for him to like me too. But he did. And it made a difference. 

Nisama loved me, would die for me in a heartbeat, had sacrificed his soul for me without hesitation. But there were so many things I couldn't tell him. So many things that Yami seemed to know and understand, instead. 

Our early encounters (well disasters, really) with Yami were one more thing Nisama and I never talked about. But they were one more thing I wanted Yami to understand. More than that, I needed to learn how to forgive the man who had saved my life, for almost taking my brother's in its place. How to trust the one person who had both helped us and hurt us more than anyone else. Who was becoming part of the family he had almost destroyed, and then put back together. I guess, I needed Yami to bail me out, once again.

"I knew we were wrong the whole time, you know – Death-T, I mean. I just didn't care. It was the only thing I could do for Nisama – to be as wrong as he was, with him. I'd do it again, too." I wanted to be honest – even if Yami ended up hating me for it.

"I know," he said gently. "I knew even as I was punishing you, that you were motivated solely by your love for your brother. If my sorrow means anything to you, be assured of it."

I was surprised again, but not too surprised to note that he was apologizing (well, as close as I had ever seen him come to it, anyway) for what he had done to me, not to Nisama.

For the first time I understood my brother. I mean, he had been more than half-crazy at the time, and I had been just a kid. And I hadn't lied to Yami, I had helped Nisama out of love. But my brother had taught me never to try and make excuses for the inexcusable – and there was no getting around the facts: if Yami hadn't stopped us, we would have killed a lot of people without thinking twice. And probably without feeling sorry about it afterwards, either. Maybe my brother was right – and some things shouldn't be forgiven. 

But there was one thing I knew for sure: my brother could have had a safe, comfortable life. All he would have had to do was abandon me. He chose to take on the world, alone, instead; surrendering his soul along the way. And now, everyone thought I was an angel for refusing to hate the demon he became, for my sake. They kept reminding me that he had tried to kill me at Death-T. Like I was too dumb to know that. Like I had forgot, somehow. But one horrible day of insanity couldn't undo his years of devotion, or make me forget that he had destroyed himself out of love. Everyone condemned him (and they were entitled to) as the creator of Death-T, and sympathized with me as one of its victims. But my days of hiding behind Nisama were over. Now it was time to stand by him and face whatever blame his actions had earned.

"I don't want your forgiveness or your apology, if Nisama doesn't get it too." I said proudly.

"Mokuba, I forgave him long ago." Yami said, "The part of Seto that was irredeemable, disappeared the moment I shattered his heart. And I can't apologize for that, even to you. You know as well as I, that he had to be stopped – for his own sake and yours, let alone everyone else's."

"What about Pegasus's tower?" I challenged. I hadn't seen the duel of course. But I had heard all about it. People never notice me. And when they like me, they even manage to forget that Nisama's my brother. So I get to hear a lot of stuff they'd never say to his face. And Jou had been pretty worked up over my brother's 'cheating.'

Yami answered me slowly, as he lost himself in the memory of that day.

"In the beginning, neither of us realized the battle's true stakes. Your brother neither knew, nor would have cared about Sugoroku. And Death-T was still too fresh in my mind. I never would have imagined that he would chose death over life without you. 

But I won't pretend. I had sworn to save Yugi's Ji-chan, but once the duel started, I was pursuing only victory. And fighting Seto is like dueling no one else. Nothing else existed. So, I would have broken my promise to you. I would have let Seto die to win a match," he said calmly. 

"Knowing by then, it was what he wanted, knowing he would have gone to his death believing that he had betrayed you by leaving you in Pegasus' hands, knowing he looked on his death as a just punishment for his failure. 

I've never asked for an apology for Death-T. Your brother's never asked for one for Duelist's Kingdom. Some things are beyond that."

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was simply tired of fighting him; tired of trying to hold him at arm's length as he tried to hug me closer. Maybe it was just that he reminded me so damn much of Nisama at that moment, as he said that so coolly, refusing to justify himself; daring me to hate him. And I couldn't. I found myself leaning against him once more, with his arms around me; wanting to accept his non-explanation, wanting to trust that he loved my brother and would never hurt him again; would die before he broke another promise. Wanting to believe the note of sorrow in his proud voice. And I remembered how he had come through in the end. Yami might have broken his promise to me at Duelist's Kingdom; but he had enabled Nisama to keep his, instead. 

Besides, I was fooling myself to think I could ever hate the first person, besides me, Nisama had found to love – much less someone who cared enough to lose sleep over his nightmares. In the end, one day of insanity shouldn't count for everything.


	20. Ch 18B Sometimes, Three's not a Crowd

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CONTINUATION OF

CHAPTER 18: SOMETIMES, THREE'S NOT A CROWD

MOKUBA'S NARRATIVE

Because Yami had never asked, I found myself talking about those first days, after our adoptive father died. Even now, I can't bring myself to say his name. Part of me believes it would call him back, like in a bad horror movie where the villain never really dies. My brother might say 'Dead is dead', but I remember Noa's World, and I'm not taking any chances.

"I thought everything would get better after he died. My brother would be the way he was before. Pretty stupid, huh? Well some things did change. Nisama started destroying Kaiba Corporation's weapons factories – even before they had released the body from the morgue.

__

"Well, it's done. The last factory is down." _Nisama had announced right after the funeral, "Kaiba Corporation is out of the weapons business." There was grim satisfaction in his voice, but no joy – and he didn't smile._

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"Great, Nisama! Where are we going to celebrate?"

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"There's nothing to celebrate. The weapons already sold will still be killing people when you're an old man."

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"You kept your promise. We could celebrate that."

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"But for how long?" _he muttered_. _"The Big Five know I betrayed them now. This isn't a game of strategy any more, Mokuba. I'm building a house of cards. One false move and it could all come crashing down around our heads."_

"Could we wind up back in the orphanage?" Despite my best intentions, my voice trembled.

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"Never. I'll do whatever it takes – but you're never going back there. That's a promise." 

__

He smiled, but it was our adoptive father's harsh grin. I was getting used to seeing it on my brother's face.

"No margin for error. No mistakes." Although my brother's anything but superstitious, he chanted it like it was a spell that could ward off disaster.

"You don't make mistakes," I reminded him.

__

"I can't afford to. Until the dueling platforms come out, there's nothing Kaiba Corporation is producing that a dozen other companies aren't making as well. The only thing I'm selling is my reputation as Japan's Number 1 gamer. Do you know what that means?" he snarled, suddenly angry. "I can't lose – not even once. Not at anything.

I shouldn't have done it. I should have waited. I'm a murderer already. Another month or two can't change that. But I couldn't stand to see the weapons I designed killing people for even one more day."

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"It's okay Nisama. There's nothing to worry about. You know you never lose."

"And then he did lose," Yami sighed. "To me. After all he'd been through, it must have seemed like the final, deadly, threat. No wonder he keeps having that nightmare I gave him. I never meant for it to last."

I smiled. There were still some things I knew that Yami didn't. "Nisama never lets go of anything – and that was your first gift to him. But you weren't really the one that drove him over the edge. It was the Blue Eyes White Dragon."

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"What's wrong? Why are you giving me this back?" I had asked, looking at the hand-made Blue Eyes White Dragon card my brother had carried since we came to the mansion.

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"I had the real thing."

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"You got a real Blue Eyes? How?"

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"I stole it."

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"You WHAT?"

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"You heard me. Some old fool had it. He lent it to his even stupider grandson. I had it in my hands. I just couldn't give it back. It was like I was holding a piece of my soul. What a joke – like I have one."

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"Don't say that. You're the best person I know."

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"That Blue Eyes didn't think so. Neither would you, if you'd just open your eyes and see who I really am. Your Nisama's dead. I'm all that's left – and if you had a brain in your head, you'd start running, now. You think I'm still your brother? Grow up! That Blue Eyes knows me better than you do."

"How can you say that?"

"It must. You love me. It rejected me."

He made a sound like an animal with its leg caught in a trap. It took me a moment to recognize his laugh. Another, to be glad I heard it so rarely, now.

__

"Did I say it rejected me? It despised me. The card I've waited for, for so long – my aibou. Well, I got what I deserved, pinning my hopes on a card. And HE sat there smirking the whole time -- like he knew what that Blue Eyes was going to do. Like they both knew that I'm nothing inside – like they knew that Gozaburo was right – that I'm just a stray dog from the gutter. 

That Blue Eyes took one look at me, and killed itself rather than fight at my side. It's just as well. At least I know where I stand now." 

"Do you get it Yami?" I asked. It was important he understood. "That's why I challenged you. My brother doesn't believe it, but he really is the best person I know. And I couldn't let anyone hurt him like that. Well, you know the rest."

" Seto was right about one thing, only. The dragon he destroyed was as much a part of his soul as the other three. How could it do anything but rebel against what he had become – and how could he do anything but hate it?" Yami sighed, "So, it all started with that card. Am I the only one who sees the hand of fate at work?"

"My brother doesn't believe in fate."

"And you?"

"I'm not my brother."

"No you're not," he answered, " but you're very like.."

"Yugi." I finished for him. "Yeah, I know. People are always telling me that."

"In some ways, that's true." he said thoughtfully. "You have the same warmth, the same eagerness, the same enthusiasm for life. But I was going to say -- you're very like your brother."

I grinned from ear to ear. He couldn't have said anything that would have made me happier. And it gave me the courage to ask some questions of my own. I had known Yami for years, and lived with him for months – but in so many ways he was a puzzle. And that wasn't good enough any more. I had finally admitted to myself that I really liked Yami, that I trusted him (well, as much as I trusted anyone besides Nisama), that I wanted him around – not just for Nisama, but for me too. But I needed to know the person I'd let come this far into our lives. And sitting here through the night with him, listening to Nisama's steady breaths, it was easy for the questions to come tumbling out.

"What's it like – not having any memories?"

"I'm not sure. I have nothing to compare it to. I don't know what it's like to _have_ memories. But it feels like there's a hole in my heart – like something that should be there is missing."

"Do you remember your parents?" I whispered.

"No, not really. I can't remember my mother at all. And I can only recall vague glimpses of my father."

He spoke calmly as ever, but I hadn't lived with Nisama for this long without learning to read body language, even in the dark. I crawled into his lap, and hugged him.

"It'll be okay, Yami. I can't remember mine, either. You get used to it, after a while." I smiled as I felt his arms tighten around me; heard his breath catch.

I used to think it'd be cool, not having a past. After all, I'd give a lot to trade in my memories of the orphanage or our adoptive father – but not at the price of forgetting Nisama too. Then I remembered, Yami had known him, back then.

"In Egypt, were you and Nisama …" I hesitated, but Yami knew what I meant.

"I don't know. I wish I did."

I could have kicked myself when I heard the sadness in his voice. Maybe my brother has the right idea – keeping his mouth shut all the time. Sometimes talking is like taking a stroll through a field laced with Kaiba Corporation mines.

"Well," I said lamely, "My brother says it's the future that matters, not the past." 

"I hope your brother's right," he replied, but we both knew that Nisama didn't believe his own words, no matter how often he repeated them.

"Having friends helps." he offered.

I thought about that. I had friends – guys I hung around with, had fun with. But until Yami, I don't know that I had had a friend I could talk to – except Anzu, of course – and I didn't get to see her that often. (If I was a little older, I'd have given Yugi a run for his money, though.)

"Is that why you drag Nisama out with you sometimes, when you go to see your friends?" And believe me, dragged was the right word – although my brother never complained or hesitated, there was no doubt he looked on this as one more unpleasant chore in his life.

"A little. I wanted them to get used to him, to get used to us. Would you believe me if I told you that I'm proud of your brother, and wanted to show him off a little?"

"Well I would, but Nisama wouldn't."

He laughed. "And Yugi and Anzu like him." For the first time there was a slightly defensive note in his voice. So he had noticed my brother's discomfort, too.

"That doesn't count. Anzu and Yugi like everyone. What about Sugoroku?" 

I'd always wondered if he hated Nisama more for the heart attack or the Blue Eyes. Having lived with a duelist, I was willing to bet it was dragon responsible for the ice in his voice when he spoke of my brother.

"He's warmed up to Seto quite a bit."

"Oh yeah – so who told him about Noa's world – you or Yugi?"

"Both. He's actually pretty paternal now. He keeps trying to feed him. He thinks Seto's too skinny."

"Oh. That must drive my brother nuts."

Yami just smiled. He was the only person I knew who could look sheepish and smug at the same time.

"And Jou? Is he all buddy-buddy with Nisama now, too?"

"He's all right."

I narrowed my eyes. "If you're going to lie, try a better one."

"Well, if you want a direct quote – I think the first thing he said was, 'Damn Yugi, you shouldn't have let him out of his puzzle, if the first thing he was going to do was shack up with Seto Kaiba!"

I grinned. For some reason, Jou's insults rarely bothered me. Maybe because they were so funny.

"But everything's been fine so far." he added.

I took that to mean no blood had been spilled.

"I think Noa's World affected us all." He said thoughtfully.

I reckoned it was more likely they were afraid of Yami, but saw no reason to point that out.

"So if everything was okay, why'd you stop taking him?" I was kind of sorry. I mean I knew my brother didn't like the outings, but I thought they were good for him. I was a little bit jealous of him – getting to hang out with Yugi's friends, to tell the truth.

"He's sit in a corner staring at the wall." Yami said slowly, "He looked bored, but I could tell he was miserable. I couldn't do that to him. Sometimes I don't understand your brother. He was so unhappy. I don't know why it bothered him so much, or why he kept agreeing to go. It's not like he's ever been shy about expressing his opinion of Yugi's friends."

"But he hasn't insulted them lately, has he?" I pointed out.

"No. Not in months." He said, still not getting it.

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Yami could be so clueless.

"Of course Nisama's not going to refuse to go. He knows how important your friends are to you. That's all that counts with him. Haven't you figured it out yet? He'll never say _'no'_ to you again – not on anything that matters. Yami, if he thought you needed him to take a header off of the Kaiba Corporation tower, he'd be flying a chopper to the roof this minute. Next to that, even being nice to Jou, is chump change."

I laughed at the look on Yami's face. Although, to be fair, when you're on the receiving end, my brother's insane ideas of loyalty can take some getting used to.

He looked at Nisama, thoughtfully; an expression coming into his crimson eyes, that I'm sure I wasn't meant to see. He reached out and stroked Nisama's hair, letting his hand linger on my brother's head.

"Next time, if it's not a school night, do you want to come?" he asked.

"You bet! It sounds like you need me. If I'm around, no one will notice Nisama's not talking. And he can watch me instead of the walls." I laughed, "Besides, if I know you guys, everyone but Nisama's playing duel monsters. It'll be cool!"

"Would you like to learn the game?" he asked, as if suddenly aware that except for that time at Duelist's Kingdom, he had never seen me play.

"Only when Nisama's ready to teach me."

"You know," he said, ruffling my hair, like he did my brother's (I don't know why – it's not like his was any neater). "I never had a brother. And I never knew what I was missing. Seto's very lucky."

"I'm sorry Yami, but that job's already taken." I liked Yami, but even for him, I wouldn't pretend that anyone could come close to Nisama in my book. But I wanted to do something for him.

"I know -- you can be my cousin. Not quite a brother – but more than a friend."

He was startled. "That's odd – I had a cousin, once – Seto."

I could see what he meant by the hand of fate. But I can't say I cared much. Fate was another thing I didn't want to mess with. Besides, I had more important things to think about. If we were cousins now, I could ask what was really on my mind.

"If you're happy with Seto, why do you still go see Yugi by yourself so much?"

"Because he's my hikari," he said gently, "and nothing can change that. When you hear your brother cry out, why do you come running, even though you know that I'm here, and will take care of him?"

I grinned again, "Because he's my Nisama – and nothing can ever change _that!_"

I had only one question left – but even I knew better than to ask it. I wasn't sure that the answer mattered anyway. But I wondered – if it hadn't been for Anzu, who would Yami be with now – my brother or Yugi?

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: In 'The Last Unicorn', the unicorn explains that she can't regret, then goes on to say that she can sorrow, but that it's not quite the same. I see Yami sort of the same way. As Kaiba points out in an earlier chapter that remorse really isn't in his nature, but I don't see him as being unmoved by the very real pain the Kaiba brothers are experiencing. I don't think he regrets his actions in the first duel or at Death-T, (certainly some of them were necessary), but I think he would experience sadness at seeing some of the consequences. It's a kind of tricky distinction. 

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School: In an earlier chapter, Kaiba is pretty responsible about overseeing Mokuba's homework. I think Kaiba would want Mokuba to go to school mainly because it's something he never got to do. And of course he would want Mokuba to succeed – no Bs for a Kaiba! But Seto himself never went to school for any appreciable length of time. They show classrooms in the orphanage, indicating they didn't go to a public school, but had some kind of lessons on the premises. If you want to be charitable, you could say Kaiba was 'home-schooled' by Gozaburo. They make the point in the manga that Kaiba was a new student when he first meets Yugi, and he drops out after the first shadow duel, about a week later. So, I'm not sure he would understand why it was important for Mokuba to go to school regularly. However, Kaiba Corporation is important to him, and Mokuba is a vice-president. So I think he wouldn't hesitate to pull him out of school to test new products.

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Mokuba: One thing I find really cute about Mokuba in the manga is that he occasionally gets impatient with Yugi and friends because of their naivete. Especially when they arrive at Duelist's Kingdom, he's practically rolling his eyes at them because they're not familiar with the nuances of Pegasus and Kaiba Corporation's business intrigues. So I tried to show that side of him a little here.

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RSPONSES TO REVIEWS:

Samurai-ashes, Tainted Fortune – **Author's Notes:** I'm glad you like them. I tend to have a lot of thoughts left over about Yami and the Kaiba brothers – and this seemed an okay place to put them. Also, combined with the story, the reviews and the responses, it seemed to be as close to a dialog as the format allows. However, I admit, I also try to put them at the end, so they're easier for people to ignore, if they find them boring. Oh yeah – the line about the guy in the puzzle was meant as a joke. My sense of humor (which can sometimes be like Kaiba's) sometimes comes out more in the ANs than in the story.

AnimeFan-Artemis, Blue September, Samurai-ashes, Tainted Fortune, Tuulikki, Unsolvable Riddle – **Showing off:** I'm glad you thought it was funny. It's not often I get to have Seto do something cute, without being OOC. As Blue September said, "the good old male quality – the need to show off to the ones you love." And I see Kaiba as such an emotionally inarticulate person that I'm always looking for ways to have him show his love non-verbally. It was one of the first parts of the chapter I wrote, when originally the sensei was more of a father figure, but I left it in (besides wanting some humor after the rest of the chapter) to show that even though they had a troubled relationship, the sensei did understand Seto.

Chibi Angelic Slayer, Lightning Sage, Unsolvable Riddle – **Seto's past:** I find his past fascinating, because so many of the problems he's dealing with have such long roots. This chapter though, is the last that focuses on it so directly, and so intensively -- although, obviously, it's a thread that continues throughout the story.

Blue September – **Drinking Age:** I didn't realize the drinking age in Japan is 20. Maybe we could pretend the sensei is near-sighted, and thought Yami was older?

Lightning Sage – **Different personalities:** I'm glad you like the different voices. Next time, I try a new one.

Blue September, Red Dragon 4, Samurai-ashes – **OC:** I tend not to like original characters, mainly because I want to read about the YuGiOh guys – and no one else. So, I was a bit hesitant about breaking one of my own rules – until I decided obsessive is one thing, stupid is another – I needed him to narrate. I'm glad he wasn't intrusive.

DBZEcoGoth – Thank you. I find YuGiOh to be a dark story – it's one of the things I like about it. I guess, since I stick so close to my impression of the characters, my story is fairly dark as well, although I'm coming to realize the importance of a little humor in the mix.

AnimeFan-Artemis: I always look for your reviews, and long or short, I appreciate them.

Animebay-b, Spirit Star, Seto-Kaiba's-fan: Thank you for continuing to read and review the story, and for encouraging me to update.


	21. Ch 19 The Fourth Side of the Triangle

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: At the end of the last chapter, I realized it was time to hear from Yugi – that he was becoming conspicuous by his absence. But, my Yugi is based on the manga. In the dub, Yugi is eager to be friends with Kaiba. In the manga they are acquaintances who respect each other, rather than friends. Like, in the dub, Yugi asks Kaiba to join them at Duelist's Kingdom. In the subtitled version, which I think is closer to the manga (boy, do I wish someone would translate that episode when Kaiba first arrives and duels Jou) Yugi asks Kaiba if he has discovered the 'heart of the cards'. His answer is telling: he says that he doesn't know yet, then promises to duel Pegasus fairly – indicating to me, a certain measure of mutual respect, if not friendship. That is the tone I tried for in Yugi's narrative.

Additional ANs and Response to Reviews are at the end of the chapter. 

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NAMES: In the subtitled DVD, Yugi refers to Kaiba as Kaiba-kun, which is a more formal form of address. Somehow, I couldn't get Yugi's narrative to work in my own mind, until I added the kun to Kaiba's name. Ji-chan means (I hope) grandfather.

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STYLE NOTE: _ITALICS_ are used when Yugi is relaying a conversation that happened in the past.

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CHAPTER 19: THE FOURTH SIDE OF THE TRIANGLE

YUGI MUTOU'S NARRATIVE

Yami thought I had planned the whole thing out. He always gives me too much credit. I'm grateful. It was his faith in me that had taught me to believe in myself. I'm not as wise as Yami thinks, but I've learned to trust my impulses. And as angry as Yami had been at Kaiba-kun that day, at the party; he had looked so right sitting next to him on the bed.

I couldn't share a body with him and not know that there was a deep, unexpressed, unexplored, connection between them. A connection he would never pursue as long as he was joined to me, and as long as he saw Kaiba-kun as a potential threat. And Kaiba-kun was dangerous, uncontrollable. We all knew it. 

When Yami had chosen to live out his life in a separate body, he thought he was doing it for me. And I had let him think that. It was mostly true. I had been ready to move on, and he had been the first to see it. But I also wanted him to have his own life, instead of just a little piece of mine. He was my darkness, not my shadow. He had given up his chance 3,000 years ago. It was time he got it back.

But it had been a painfully mixed blessing. I had known I would miss him. I had not known how much. How much I would still need him, not as a guardian, but simply as a presence in my life. If Duelist's Kingdom had proved that Mokuba was the most important piece of Kaiba-kun's heart; it had also shown that Yami was part of mine. We shared more than a deck. We were not friends, or even lovers. In some ways the connection between us was more intimate. And, I was grateful that neither my love for Anzu, nor Yami's feelings for Kaiba-kun, could undo that tie. Maybe I should have felt guilty for caring so much, when we each loved other people, but our mental -- our emotional bond -- felt so natural, so right, that the only guilt would be in denying it. 

It was how I had known what Yami was going to say from the moment he walked into the game shop that day, after making love to Kaiba for the first time. I had made it easy for him.

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"So, you're going to stay at the mansion. Have you come to ask for my blessing?" I joked.

Yami, of course, took me seriously.

"Would I have it?"

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"You have more than my blessing. You have my love."

"How did you know?"

"How could I not know? Whenever you dueled, you focused on him like he was the only thing in the world."

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"If it hadn't been for you, I would have killed him."

I shrugged. If Yami had almost lost Kaiba-kun at Pegasus' castle, I had almost lost both him and Ji-chan. Yami knew I hated even thinking about it, just as I knew it was the one event that he had buried in the depths of his soul room. So I was surprised to see him ready to unlock the door, and raise the memory within. Maybe his stay with Kaiba-kun had influenced him more than I thought.

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But I could never be anything less than honest with him, even about that day. It would be too much like lying to myself. And some good had come out of it.

"That was the day," I told him, "that I learned I wasn't always weak – not when I knew I was right."

"And I learned to listen to you. More, I learned that being powerful isn't the same thing as being wise," he said with a smile.

"Most of all," I said with my heart in my eyes, "It was the day I learned that you needed me, as much as I needed you."

He looked at me intently. "I'll always need you. You'll always be my light." 

__

"And he'll always be your greatest rival. And you'll always need both." I smiled when he let out a breath I didn't realize he had been holding.

But despite my words, and my instincts, I was nervous of encouraging Yami to like someone with Kaiba-kun's past. I respected his efforts to make something of his life, but I was bothered by his many missteps along the way. At Alcatraz, I had been dismayed to discover that my duel disk, which had somehow become as much a part of me as my arm, had such an ugly and violent history. And I wondered if one day, Yami would come to feel the same way about Kaiba-kun himself. But I trusted that Yami's heart wouldn't lead him wrong, now that he had learned to listen to it.

I was glad when Yami started bringing Kaiba-kun to the game shop. Even Jou had promised to behave, sort of. Well, actually he had said:

__

"Hello—Earth to Yami! Did I miss something? When did Kaiba become the good guy? This is the bastard that tried to murder us. He damn near succeeded in killing Sugoroku and even his own brother!"

"He's not the same person, any more than I am," Yami replied.

"He sure looks and sounds the same to me." Jou retorted. "And shattering his heart, if he has one, doesn't even begin to make up for what he did. Nothing will. Am I the only one who doesn't have 'forgive and forget' penciled in on my list of things to do today?"

__

"No. You're not the only one who can't forgive or forget. Never think that." Yami said quietly.

__

I knew that Yami hadn't convinced him. But Jou heard the sadness in my aibou's voice, and he was too good a friend to argue further. He turned to me.

__

"Okay, Yugi. I wouldn't do this for anyone but you and Yami, but I promise. I'll be nice to the son of a bitch as long as he doesn't start anything with me." 

And Kaiba-kun didn't start trouble. Of course, that could be because he didn't speak. He sat in the back, staring at the walls, as if counting the cracks; only stopping to memorize the pattern on the tiled floor, instead. It was hard to believe, looking at his bored expression, that he cared for Yami at all. But I couldn't imagine why he had bothered to come, if not to please my aibou. Then, I had caught him, the one time he had lifted his eyes to the back of Yami's head. I was stunned by the naked longing I saw there, the promise of undying love; before he had lowered his lids to continue his analysis of the floor. I had never seen such an open look on his closed face – except for that time when he had saved Mokuba's soul in Noa's world – and smiled at his success, even though he had given up his life to do it.

I thought about that fervent look, and what it meant – and realized that the number of people that Kaiba-kun would kill or die for, had just doubled.

Maybe Kaiba-kun had more to give Yami, than a challenge – the kind of burning passion and wordless devotion he craved and deserved. I had assembled Yami's puzzle, but Kaiba-kun was the final piece, that neither of us realized was missing – until he came along to complete it.

Yami and I were two separate people. One had only to look at our choices to know that. I had loved Anzu since we were kids. I loved her for her courage, for her warmth, for the way she pretended to be an empty-headed cheerleader until one of us was in trouble. The only mistake Pegasus had made in designing the Black Magic Girl was in giving her blonde hair instead of brown, and screwing up the bangs.

I liked Kaiba-kun as much as possible, respected him, and even pitied him a little – having no one but Mokuba. But I could no more imagine loving him, than deliberately walking in front of his dragon's lightning breath. He was too wild, too strange; as if he had grown up in the Shadow Realm, instead of Domino. If Yami and I had shared a body, Kaiba-kun, at times, seemed to share a soul with his indomitable white beasts. But my faith in Yami was as strong as ever, and I didn't doubt the wisdom of his choice. Strange as it might seem to push my aibou into the arms of our fiercest rival – maybe it took a magician to tame a wild dragon.

****

AUTHOR'S NOTES: For reasons I don't even want to think about, I find it much easier to channel Kaiba's brand of hyper self criticism, brutal honesty, and dark humor, than Yugi's certainly more healthy blend of optimism, insight, and faith. But just as Kaiba would never be in a relationship that made Mokuba unhappy, I certainly can't see Yami with Kaiba, if his choice made Yugi miserable. So I thought it was important to get Yugi's perspective. Believe me, I'm not fishing for compliments when I say -- his voice is the one I hear least clearly – I guess it's proof that, like the disclaimer says, I don't own YuGiOh (although I'm beginning to feel like I've taken out a lease on Kaiba and Mokuba.)

One thing I find interesting is the parallels between Yami and Kaiba. Yami takes Kaiba to the Shadow Realm and makes the monsters come alive. Kaiba promptly duplicates this feat using the advantages that are uniquely his: technology and real world power. In Battle City (in the manga) Yami is trying to stop Malik's drive for the God cards and Millennium Items – his spiritual power. Kaiba hosts Battle City, even putting up his Blue Eyes as bait, because he wants to destroy his Rare Hunters (or Ghouls, as they are called), because he believes they are ruining the game of Duel Monsters.

In his own way, Mokuba is every bit as much Kaiba's hikari as Yugi is Yami's – and he seems to have the same drive to protect him that Yami, and even Yami Bakura have shown. 

I don't plan on a Yugi and Seto chapter, the same way as I have had Mokuba and Yami chapters, because, in the manga there is surprisingly little interaction between them. Kaiba's appearance on the scene usually triggers a shift from Yugi to Yami – whether because Yami considers Kaiba an ongoing threat, because he likes talking to him – or both – is a little unclear. Yet Yami often appears in situations where the threat theory doesn't quite hold up. When Kaiba first arrives at Duelist's Kingdom, Yugi watches his duel with Jou (subtitled DVD), although it's noticeable that he doesn't cheer for Jou. Yami only emerges when it's over – to warn Kaiba that Pegasus is a foe beyond his ability, and to promise to defeat Pegasus, at least partly for Kaiba. Kaiba responds that it doesn't matter whichever one reaches Pegasus first -–one of them will destroy him.

After their tag team duel, it would surely be the perfect time for Yami to retreat back to his puzzle. He's tired from the duel, Kaiba has promised to help, and Yami knows he's going to be needed later. Yet (manga, again) he hangs around during the helicopter ride for a friendly (well, as friendly as Kaiba gets) debate about the power of cooperation and the meaning of friendship.

I think I was most influenced by the manga (#263) after he defeats Kaiba at Alcatraz. He tells Kaiba that the power of friendship is what enabled him to win. Kaiba responds angrily that an abstract concept like friendship has no meaning in his life. Yami is staring intently at Kaiba, thinking that Kaiba must feel the connection between them because they bring out the best in each other, and that there must be a place where good rivals and good friends are the same. You can see him almost trying to will this message into Kaiba's brain. He's so focused on him that he's forgotten about his friends, and is startled to hear them calling him.

****

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:

AnimeFan-Artemis, Kagemihari, Spirit Star – **Yami and Yugi:** Kaiba isn't the only one in this relationship with a significant other in his life. How Yugi feels about Yami and Kaiba would be important to Yami. And I think it's important to look at the nature of their relationship, and how Yami and Yugi's bond impacts on Kaiba. As to the answer to Mokuba's question: that's one of several questions that by the end of the story (but probably not before), hopefully, you'll have the answer to.

AnimeFan-Artemis – **Seto's narration:** Yeah, I know – it's taking me a while to work my way back to him. Yami's up next, and Seto will appear before Christmas – for those who like a healthy helping of angst with their Christmas cheer!

Lightening Sage – **Seto and Turmoil:** After I read you're review, I realized something: I think I've felt a little freer to express all the turmoil and pain in Seto's character, precisely because I've given him such strong supporters. Without that level of comfort, the story would become meaningless. It's somewhat ironic that although isolation is a main component of Kaiba's character, he has people that truly love him and whose support he relies on, if he could bring himself to accept that.

Mistress of Dragons – **Yami in a separate body:** Well I gave a sort of explanation at the beginning. In the manga there's this guy called the Guardian of Memory. I have no idea who he is, or what he does. But I liked the name. So I decided he gave Yami a choice: he could regain his memories and go to the after-life, he could stay with Yugi, or become his own person. He felt it was time for Yugi to be free of him, so he picked Door #3. I freely admit this was all totally contrived. The truth is, I needed Yami to be in his own body, because I couldn't imagine how a relationship with Kaiba could work, since I wasn't writing a Yugi./Yami/Seto story – and what was he going to say, "Do you mind if I borrow your body for a couple of hours? I got a hot date with Kaiba coming up – promise I'll return the body much more relaxed." (Actually that's not a bad line – for another, much funnier story.) Thank you though – having made this artificial decision, I tried to think through the implications, how would Yugi and Yami feel about being separate, how would Yami adjust to giving up the hunt for his memories, etc. and I'm glad it made up for the arbitrary nature of the original decision.

Desidera – **What Yami does all day:** Great question – you are the first to ask, but I have to admit – I have absolutely no idea. As you can see, he spends some time with Yugi. I also picture him being a late sleeper – Kaiba always wakes up first. But that leaves a lot of hours unaccounted for. I love the LOTR and I always think of him as being kind of elven. That maybe time for meditation is more important to him than to most. Also, he's been in a puzzle. He's not used to doing much. I'm not being flippant; the truth is, I just draw a blank when it comes to imagining his daily routine.

Chibi Angelic Slayer – **details:** Thank you. I actually think about a lot of details that never make it into the story or even the ANs: like what kind of ice cream the characters like, where in America the Kaiba brothers went after Battle City, and why they stay in Domino, rather than moving to Tokyo. I probably should put a made up trivia page on my profile. Of course, I should probably put something on my profile, but that's another story.

Blue September, Crimson Winter – **Seto and loyalty:** The one thing that impressed me in Duelist's Kingdom (in BOTH the dub and the sub versions) is that when Pegasus states his terms, telling Kaiba that he will lose his soul if he loses the duel, there's no fuss, no ranting, and no hesitation. There's a calmness and a quietness to Kaiba's devotion that I find moving. But because it's so silent, I think Yami might be slow to realize he inspires the same loyalty. Also, it's quite a responsibility, having someone that will without hesitation or thought, give up his life or soul for you, in a literally breath-taking way.

Ceresi, Crimson Winter, Desidera, Lightning Sage, Red Dragon 4, Samurai-ashes, Solitaire – **Yami and Mokuba:** I realized that Yami is an only child, and I think that someone as wise and as mischievous as Mokuba would be good for Yami. I also wanted to give Yami a relationship that's different from his friends. But their early history is nothing short of a disaster. I found their Monster Capsule Duel particularly disturbing, since it seems like Yami wins, not so much because he's the King of Games, as because he's outsmarted a kid. A kid moreover, who is clearly troubled, and is acting to protect and defend his brother, sentiments that Yami should have been able to understand. Yes, as Mokuba had tried to terrorize Yugi, not to mention cheating, Yami was right to punish him in some way, but there was a real dark side being revealed here, that Mokuba would remember. I think thought, that it was Yami almost killing Seto, at a moment when he was at his most vulnerable that Mokuba would find hardest to forgive, but I thought he needed to find a way to do that, for his own sake, as well as Yami's.

Cerridwen10, Tainted Fortune: **Yami and Seto's dark sides:** I think people are attracted to each other for light and dark reasons. With Yami and Seto, a lot of the destructiveness happened in the past. These are two people that tried to kill each other. But because it is in the past, it has allowed this to be a more tender story.

Blue September – **Destiny and Friendship:** That's funny – I didn't realize it – but I managed to work my way back to the YuGiOh themes.

Angel Yami-ko – **Ages:** I've just given up on ever getting the ages to match either the manga, dub or subtitled versions.

Pamster – Thanks. Don't worry about the mix up. I do stuff like that all the time. 

Lone Wolf55, Seto-kaiba's-fan – Thanks for the continued encouragement. I know it's a long story. I'm glad you've stuck with it.


	22. Ch 20 Late Nights

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.

****

CHAPTER 19: LATE NIGHTS

YAMI'S NARRATIVE

Kaiba was finally having fewer nightmares, but he was also sleeping less, and missing far too many meals. I had lived as a spirit for 3,000 years, but I have never seen anyone so careless of his body's needs as Kaiba. In this, as in all things, he was casually self-destructive.

And yet, an unquenchable flame burned within him, constantly seeking an outlet. Blue fire burns brightest, and it called to me. I had been trapped in a puzzle for 3,000 years, briefly surfacing to protect Yugi and to duel. Now everything was new. I had a body that was my own – to use or risk as I pleased, and Kaiba was my guide. 

For he was drawn to danger, as if he needed its scent to feel fully alive, to be reminded that he wanted to stay alive. He was desperate to feel anything. Now for the first time, comradeship had been blended into the heady mix of adrenaline and fear that he knew so well. 

As for me, I had always taken risks, but they were measured and meant to serve my grim purposes. Racing with Kaiba furthered no goal, except to make me feel more intensely alive. I never knew my own mortality so surely as when I was with him; driving too fast, flying too low, diving from the cliffs of the Kaiba Mansion to the sea below. I had caught the exhilaration of speed, of shared danger, of shared trust. And it was as intoxicating as Kaiba himself.

We never pushed the envelope too far. (An oddly appropriate expression that I had learned from him.) It was strange to realize he was actually curbing his impulses for my sake. I hoped it was more than just his innate sense of responsibility. That having found a partner in life, he no longer needed to court death as earnestly.

Each race was heated, each contest, fierce – but all were ultimately inconsequential. Competition was our common language, but we were careful to vie only over trivialities. It was the rivalry that counted, not the score. And for the first time, I did not always win. Kaiba had quicker reflexes and an affinity for all things mechanical – for anything that was man-made and could deliver speed and power. What he lacked, as always, was balance and judgement – and a touch of magic.

His rough sense of justice also hindered him; even as it both charmed and chafed at me. He would not race me in any vehicle until I had achieved what he considered an 'acceptable level of proficiency' in its use. It put him at a distinct disadvantage, which he accepted as he did all disadvantages, without remark. In some ways, I was never his true rival; he was fighting against defeat itself.

Being a protector had been my mission and my identity. But that role was worse than useless now. The days when Kaiba had desperately needed a defender were long gone. He had learned to fend for himself, like a feral creature. What he needed now, was not a protector, but a healer, or maybe some combination of the two – a Dark Magician, made flesh. 

He had learned to fight: with his mind, his body, his words, and his deck. But he had never learned to live outside of the gladiatorial arena that was his childhood. He had defeated his earthly foes. What remained, equally deadly, were the demons of his past that now fought for his heart. As much as I wanted to, I could not slay them in his place. All I could do, all I had ever been able to do, was give him the weapons and opportunity to continue his battle; to help from the sidelines. It was not my accustomed role, but I was there, I cared, and I could reach him. It would have to be enough.

For my instincts had been right the first two times we dueled. Beneath the turmoil for which he was named, was something worth saving, someone worth loving, although there were easier choices. For it was hard caring so much for someone who cared so little for himself. Loving someone, who believed that he deserved to be hated instead.

Often, while Kaiba worked or practiced, I went to Yugi's. I was still drawn to my hikari's presence -- needed to float in his thoughts and feelings, as if I was a seahorse and his mind my ocean home. The bond that stretched between us, like an invisible umbilical cord, was one that neither time, nor distance -- nor even my own deepening love for Kaiba – could snap. 

Yugi felt the same pull; a craving that even Anzu's presence could not satisfy, just as our bond did not lessen his desire for her. Knowing this, I wondered – had Yugi given Kaiba to me as a present – and as an apology for the life we would no longer share?

For my aibou had sensed the attraction – no, the connection – between us, even in the days when I had assumed I knew all there was to know about Kaiba, and disliked most of it. Yugi had given me the chance to see beyond my preconceptions; the time to get behind Kaiba's fortress and find the closely guarded Seto within. To discover how the two blended, like a fused demon, into something that transcended either – both beautiful and dangerous, surprisingly thoughtful and suddenly ferocious – an Ultimate Dragon in truth as well as seeming. I looked at Yugi, curled up peacefully on the couch with Anzu, and smiled. For a moment I envied the common sense of his choice, and the tranquility it brought him. But I had a dragon to go home to. 

Although it was 2:00 AM when I returned to the mansion from Yugi's house, I was not surprised to see the light still shining under Kaiba's door. I knew he would stay at the computer until forced to come to bed. But in the past weeks, the images on his screen had changed. Gone were the programs, wiring diagrams, and three-dimensional prototypes. Instead he would call up his paint box and spend hours creating impressionistic studies of duel monsters. Sometimes the images were even harder to interpret: ghostly purple clouds floated by; shadowy forests reared up in their place. I gave up trying to guess if he was actually working, or taking refuge in some private world of his own.

"You're up late." I said to the back of his head.

"So are you."

Unlike you, I was relaxing, not working. I ate dinner. And I have the sense to go to bed before I pass out."

"I can take care of myself."

I laughed silently. I longed to point out that Kaiba's idea of 'taking care of himself' had included his arranging to be adopted by a psychopath. But I knew that was the one thing I could say that would really hurt Kaiba, and the days when I wanted to wound my dragon were long gone.

Teasing him was another matter.

I was, after all, the 'King of Games'. I liked igniting his anger, always an easy task, and then seeing if I could get him to let go of it, a much more challenging feat. Of course, there was something to be said for letting sleeping dragons lie. Any move that engaged his lightning reflexes, before defusing his hot temper, usually resulted with me being pinned beneath him. His feral side aroused, he would hold me in place with a casually flung leg, as he undressed me, kissing me breathless if I moved, even as his hands and tongue made it impossible to keep still. He had finally discovered a contest I couldn't resist losing. 

I had forgotten what it was like to be surprised – I had grown so used to foreseeing the next turn of the card. But even Isis's Millennium Necklace had held no dominion over Kaiba. There was a wildness to him, an unpredictability to his reactions. It was part of what made him so exciting.

I let him continue to ignore me for a moment, then came over to his chair, and stood before him, straddling his legs, and blocking his view of the screen. It was one of the few times I was taller than him. 

"Let's review, shall we, Blue Eyes," I said in a deceptively friendly voice, my hands pinning him to the chair. "Since I've met you, you've been sent to the Shadow Realm and killed by your own demons, had your heart shattered, your soul trapped in a card, been imprisoned in a video game, and been kidnapped to a virtual world and turned to stone by your computer generated step-brother."

Kaiba glared at me, his eyes shooting blue flame. This was fun. I leaned forward to kiss him before he could release whatever furious retort was trembling on his lips, my tongue easing the words off of his. I could feel shoulders relax as I massaged them. Beneath me his hips tilted forward, lifting to meet mine. His back arched, and a low purr, almost a growl, started deep in his throat. I grinned. It wouldn't be me who wound up pinned to the floor this night. 

I couldn't resist nibbling on his ear, drawing a hoarse groan, before whispering into it, "How did you manage to avoid being trapped by Malik in his world of darkness? It's the only thing you missed."

"Only the losers got trapped. Why are you always so sure I won't win?" he snarled.

I paused. Beneath the always-simmering anger and bruised pride was a genuine note of hurt, a feeling that I had undervalued him. Teasing him was one thing, wounding him, even with words, another. As I had told Mokuba – it was the person, not the game that mattered.

"You're right," I conceded. "I won with your cards and your help. And Malik could have shown you no darkness that you have not already faced and conquered."

I heard his swift intake of breath as I leaned against his neck. I pulled back to look at him. A faint flush grazed his cheeks and his crystalline eyes were intent, almost blank. He opened his mouth, but as usual, no words escaped. As I gazed at him, he looked both hesitant and young.

I smiled softly. Kaiba could face any challenge with icy impassivity, but the slightest praise left him off balance; vulnerable.

And irresistible, I thought, as I bent forward to claim his slightly parted lips.

****

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is probably as close as I come to Yami/Seto fluff. 

****

Risk taking: Both Yami and Seto seem to need to take risks. It's interesting that when Yami is part of Yugi, he's very protective of him, but has to trouble taking death defying risks every time he gets control of their body. It's particularly noticeable in the early manga episodes, when Yugi isn't even aware that Yami's there. So I started to think about how Yami would react when he was in his own body, and how he would come to terms with an attraction to risks that didn't serve a purpose, but were simply part of his make-up.

Kaiba, of course, is a lunatic. In the manga, when Yami tells him that the loser of their shadow game will experience death, he gets this big grin on his face and says something like: Great! This is the kind of extreme challenge I've been waiting for my whole life. (Of course, it's also the kind of extreme challenge he's been facing his whole life.)

Two of the many dub cuts revolve around this issue. When Pegasus' goons come after Kaiba, he jumps out of a window to escape from two unarmed men. This never made sense to me, especially as a few episodes later, it's clear what a good fighter he is. The answer, of course, is that in the subtitled DVD, they're not unarmed. Kaiba uses his briefcase to deflect their gunfire (I loved it that he had a bullet-proof briefcase), then jumps. What the dub cut, in addition to the guns, is that as Kaiba's jumping out the window, he's grinning like crazy. The same thing happens at Duelist's Kingdom. They cut out the part where Kemo comes up behind Kaiba with a gun. What you also don't get to see is the grin on Kaiba's face as the barrel is pressed against his head.

****

Games: As I said before, there's a significant element of gamesmanship in Kaiba's relationship with Gozaburo. It began with a chess match. The one thing that drove Seto to challenge Gozaburo for control of Kaiba Corporation was the use of his game technology for war – and the challenge itself, took on elements of an elaborate game. At the end, Gozaburo says something like losers must die. And Kaiba replies that he will remember his teachings. One of the tragic elements in Seto's character is the loss of his ability to play – since so many of the games he has engaged in have had life or death consequences. At Alcatraz, when Jounouchi is in a coma, Kaiba tells Yami that Jounouchi is lucky, that after a defeat there is nothing left but death. Yami responds that after a loss, you should feel sad, but then go on to meet the next challenge – that Jou hasn't given up, he's fighting for his life, and that's what makes him a true duelist.

I could see how competition could work in this story to help cement the relationship between Yami and Seto – I think it would be inevitable because it's who they are. But the danger is always that it could become destructive, also because of who they are. Interestingly, although he's a guy that likes to jump out of windows, I can see Kaiba being protective of Yami's physical safety. Similarly, I think Yami would be the one making sure things didn't become emotionally destructive. So as much as the chapter has fun with them playing games and taking risks, it's also about them learning to set limits.

Both of them have lived lives that are a series of challenges. It's taken me this long to realize that this story is also about challenges – but internal ones. Yami has to deal with the loss of his memories – accepting that this is one game he can't change – as well as with his separation from Yugi – deciding who he is without any memories to guide him. Kaiba had his challenged outlined for him by Yami after Alcatraz – to defeat the demons of hate, anger, bitterness and sadness eating at his soul.

****

UPDATE NOTE: I've been trying to update every weekend. Between real life, the holidays, and my plans to see The Return of the King as often as possible, I'm not sure if the next chapter, which is Kaiba's narrative (thought I'd forgotten about him?) will be ready by the weekend. But it will definitely be up by or before Christmas Eve.

****

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:

Ceresi, Crimson Winter, Unsolvable Riddle – **Yugi and Yami's relationship:** What struck me in the manga is that Yami and Yugi are trying to regain Yami's memories, at least partly because they both believe it's what the other wants – and they're both afraid that if they succeed it will mean their separation. So I think the decision to become separate individuals in this story, is one they could only make if each believed it was best for their aibou. But Yugi ended up, in a sense, with both Yami and Anzu. So I think it would be important to him that Yami also found someone.

Samurai-ashes – **Yami's friends:** I've dealt a lot with Mokuba's fears that Yami could hurt Seto. It occurred to me that Yami's friends, with equal or greater justification could have the same fears about Kaiba. 

Kagemihari, Lightning Sage, Red Dragon 4, Unsolvable Riddle – **Yugi's POV:** Yugi is such an important part of Yami's life, that his opinion was needed, but I find him hard to write. I think the opening scene in the manga describes him perfectly. It's recess and he's sitting inside working on a puzzle. He's turned down offers to play basketball, and gives two reasons: he doesn't like basketball and figures he's such a bad player he would make his side lose. This catches the two sides of him perfectly. He has such a sure sense of himself, and won't pretend to be someone he's not, even if it would make him more

popular. At the same time, he's kind of an odd duck, and gets bullied and teased for being different, and that has had an effect, making him a little shy and diffident. 

I think he would trust that if Yami loved Kaiba, it was the right thing for him, and he's so insightful, I wanted to show him understanding just how deeply Kaiba cared for Yami. But I also wanted to show that they are separate people – that Yugi can't quite figure out just why Kaiba appeals to Yami, especially as it is the qualities that Yugi finds disturbing that attract Yami the most. Like I had Yugi and Yami both comment on Kaiba's "wildness".

Blue September, samurai-ashes – **Jounouchi:** Jou trusts Kaiba the least, but I think it goes deeper than that. I think he feels, that because of all the things Kaiba's done in the past, he doesn't deserve to have Yami in his life. Ironically, I think this is an assessment that Kaiba agrees with, at least in my story.

Chibi Angelic Slayer – **Jounouchi narrative:** It's an interesting idea, because I realized something about Jounouchi – he's a blast to write! I think his take on Yami and Yugi, as well as Kaiba's relationship with Yami would be fun. I'm not planning on including it in Cards for two reasons: unlike with Yugi, I don't think Yami would end his relationship with Kaiba because it made Jou miserable; and at this point it would be too large a detour from the rest of the story. I am playing around with a sort of companion chapter. It would be labeled _Jou's POV_, and if I finish it (I write really slowly), would be posted probably between Christmas and New Year's. It'll probably be short – because Jou's such a direct guy.

Kagemihari, Lightning Sage, Red Dragon 4 – **Magician and Dragon:** One thing I love about the manga is that the cards really reflect aspects of their owners' souls. And the two characters most identified with their cards are Yami and Kaiba.

Spirit Star – platonic love: Although this is mainly a love story where Yami and Kaiba are expressing their emotional connection through physical bond, I also wanted to explore the other kinds of love that exist between the characters – from the Kaiba brothers fierce love for each other, to Yami and Yugi's unspoken and unbreakable bond, to the developing trust and caring between ?Mokuba and Yami.

Blue September – **Yami as a teenager:** What can I say? You're right! I tend to forget, or overlook that Yami is a teenager, too. Possibly I give too much credit to those 3,000 years, or to my own interpretation of him as a Tolkien elf. Your review made me realize that although I try very hard to stay in character, in the end what I am true to is my own version of the characters, not the characters themselves.

Ceresi, Crimson Winter – **Author's Notes:** One of the many pleasant surprises I've had with this story, is that people are actually enjoying the Authors' Notes, and my own, somewhat random thoughts on Yugioh.

Seto-Kaiba's-fan, Unsolvable Riddle – **length:** I know, sometimes I'm surprised myself at how long this story is. Somehow it seemed shorter when I was writing it in my head. I'm glad and appreciative that so many people are sticking with it. I just hope the ending is satisfying.

AnimeFan-Artemis – **angst:** I kind of think that Kaiba and angst go together. Although the story is at times sad, I try not to make it depressing. And I promise not to kill Kaiba on Christmas Eve. (Although the idea has it's own kind of sick appeal.)

Fallen Angel – Thanks for the link to check my Japanese.

Unsolvable Riddle – **reviews:** I was thrilled, of course. Especially since I think my first three chapters got a total of three reviews. I've found the reviews, in addition to being a real joy, incredibly helpful. They have caused me to take a deeper look at how being in his own body would affect Yami, the nature of his link with Yugi, Yami'' relationship with Mokuba, Kaiba's early history and the nature of the sexual relationship between Yami and Kaiba. In fact the input from reviews has probably accounts for a lot of the increased length of the story from the first draft. The rest is Mokuba's fault.

Animebay-b – Thank you. It's important to me to know that people are continuing to enjoy the story, especially as it has turned into such a long journey.


	23. Ch 21 Searching for Seto Kaiba, Redux

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.

****

CHAPTER 21: SEARCHING FOR SETO KAIBA, REDUX

SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

I would like to blame Gozaburo for everything. But I have to wonder – was it just greed, or did my relatives see something in me that made them so quick to dump us in that orphanage? Was it just that damn chess game, or did Gozaburo see something in me that told him how easy it would be to twist me into a heartless replica of himself? For he won our battle of wills. I've never kidded myself about that. In winning control of Kaiba Corporation, I lost myself. 

When Yami shattered my heart he gave me the chance to continue that battle, even after my surrender. To this day, I can feel Gozaburo gripping my soul from the grave, trying to drag me to whatever hell he's stewing in, as if I won't arrive there anyway, without further help. The darkness that I let into my heart, that I used as both weapon and shield in our battle may be gone, but I struggle to replace it with something other than the anger and hatred that are my legacy from him. It is a fight that may never end until my much anticipated death, unless I can learn to walk away from this insane battle with a dead man.

The ability to show emotion had been beaten out of me long ago. Hell, even the ability to recognize my feelings in a reasonably timely manner was gone, or I would never have let Yami get within ten feet of me. It was part of the price I had paid for saving Mokuba. I never minded before. I mean, it's not like I saw any use in having emotions, much less revealing them, even before I hooked up with Gozaburo. 

I had given myself up for dead years ago, only to now discover a faintly beating pulse. But resuscitation was another, more difficult, matter. For I had been frozen a long time, and coming back to life – regaining feeling – was a painful process. Briefly, I wondered if frostbite was not, in fact, preferable. 

But I felt a grim satisfaction in the pain. Gozaburo was less thorough than he thought – it seems that the need – if not the ability – to express myself, to exhume my feelings, had survived. And so, I have found new ways to reach out; to try to finally reveal the cards in my hand.

Even years after his death, I still feel the need to justify creating games instead of weapons. So I couldn't wait to finish my new duel system, to share it with Yami.

Having someone to show it to – someone who would understand, who might even be proud of me – was such a new experience, I felt almost unlike myself. Well, unlike my public persona anyway. 

Over the years, I have heard all the insults – that the only thing more gigantic than Kaiba Corporation's profits is my ego; that my conceit surpasses even my genius. My favorite, actually, is Jounouchi's: that my head is as swollen as my blimp, and more full of hot air. (What makes it even funnier is that, as usual, the mutt got it wrong: blimps contain helium.)

I don't mind, really. The slurs intimidate competitors, and keep everyone else at a distance. But I have never regarded myself as anything but a sacrifice, a chess piece on the board, a card in the deck. Like my monsters, my life points have value only as they serve to protect Mokuba or redeem my promises. 

I tend to avoid mirrors. I told Yami that they'd only confirm what I already know – my hair needs a trim. Yami agreed enthusiastically. (Why is it that I live with the two guys with the messiest hair I've ever seen, and Yami's obsessed with the length of _my_ bangs? He should take a good look at that rat's nest he calls a head – or better still, my brother's.) 

Besides, I like my hair fine the way it is. On the off-chance that the eyes really are the windows of the soul (an admittedly dubious proposition), I don't want anyone getting too good a look at mine. Like I told Yami, I know what they'd see; what I see; what I am. A man who betrayed his brother. I had protected Mokuba from Gozaburo for so long, only to fail him just when I should have been strong; just when we should have been safe.

And my failure, my betrayal, would have killed Mokuba – as surely as my weapons had killed countless, faceless people – if not for the charity of my enemy. Who now lay beside me, wrapping his arms around me, trying to ease the nightmares I had earned. I didn't want Yami looking too deeply into the heart he had shattered. He would only see, what I would see every morning, if my bathroom had a mirror – Gozaburo's eyes glaring back at me from my face.

Yet sometimes I wonder what it is that Yami sees in me, that I can't see in myself. No one has ever cared about me except Mokuba, and his affection is easy to explain away. He's only a child, and I have been the one constant in his life. 

When I think of all the things that I have done as Gozaburo's puppet, I don't know how Yami can stand to touch me, much less claim me as his own. Sometimes I think that he must visit Yugi after spending the night with me the way a man will take a shower to rid himself of a residue of slime.

But I can hear his voice in my head now, after our first duel, soothing me, trying to tell me that the terror I was about to face was just an illusion, that it would help me become a true duelist. I was too angry to hear the concern in his voice then, but I listen for it now and it comforts me.

Killing me after Death-T would have been as simple and as justified as shooting a rabid dog. I would have welcomed death. It would have been easy -- a little more force and my heart would have been dust; the pieces too small to ever reassemble. But he must have seen something beyond the ruthless demon that Gozaburo and I had created. I wonder what it was…

He knows me, inside and out; has walked in the dark places of my soul. Yet he seems to care anyway. Maybe it's because he hears voices in his head too, although I'd prefer Yugi's to Gozaburo's any day. Maybe it's because as a former vengeful spirit he understands anger, although his is a more controlled burn. Maybe it's because after being locked inside his own head, trapped in a puzzle for 3,000 years, he knows isolation. Ironically, I think that's why he likes Yugi's stupid friends so much. He loves Yugi, and I guess he would put up with his friends, because they are a part of him. But it's more than that – he likes hanging out with them, seeing and hearing all the trivial details of their boring lives. Maybe it's just that he accepts his separation from their world so completely, so naturally, that the gulf doesn't bother him – doesn't have the power to wound or anger.

There's something I've always wondered," he murmured one night.

I didn't respond. He'd either tell me what was on his mind – or not.

"About high school…" he continued.

Now it was time to interrupt. After my childhood, high school topped the long list of things I didn't want to talk about, and the only defense was a good attack.

"Who are you to question me about dropping out of school? Hell, you didn't last much longer than I did – and you had a damn puzzle to hide out in."

"That wasn't my question, " he said gently. "I know why you left."

I grunted. He probably did. God knows how many of my dreams he'd been wandering through. At least I'd steered him away from my high school career.

I was wrong, of course.

"You were the CEO of a major company, with no one to tell you what to do. What made you want to enroll in the first place?"

"My sheer stupidity, that's what. You want to know just how God damned dumb the great Seto Kaiba can be? I was actually trying to prove that Gozaburo hadn't won. I thought I could spend six years in Hell and just go back to being an ordinary kid doing ordinary things – that I could pretend I hadn't transformed myself into one of Hell's demons, along the way. Well, we all know how my little attempt at normalcy turned out, don't we?" 

I spat out the words in the sarcastic voice I knew he hated; the rage rising within me, like steam in a pressure cooker. At that moment, I detested Yami for being blind enough to want me; for making me forget, even for an instant, what everyone knew: that there was nothing in me worth wanting. Yami had managed to do what even Gozaburo failed to accomplish – he had given me something to fear. I dreaded the inevitable day when Yami discovered that Jounouchi had been right about me all along.

"What is it you want from me? My heart – you know I don't have one. My body – into necrophilia these days, are we? Shit, you don't even want my brains." I laughed, "So you tell me – what the hell does a yami need with more darkness?" 

He took a step towards me, as I screamed, "Damn you! Why can't you hate me like everyone else? You will in time, you know – and I don't feel like waiting."

"Stop it!" he demanded as he reached me. For once, his voice was as loud as mine. I could feel the self-loathing rising up; choking me. Then, all I could feel was Yami's mouth devouring mine, his teeth nibbling at my lower lip, drawing a trickle of blood like an offering, his frenzied hands ripping off my clothes, running down my chest, lifting my hips, until his body covered mine, finally made it part of his. I lost awareness of everything but need and sensation; lost awareness of everything but his touch; his body taking mine. I was staggered by the emotions raging through me; stunned to discover that strongest of all was the feeling of peace and safety I gained in his arms: the delusion that I had finally come home.

Beneath the passion in his eyes, I had seen something unexpected – apprehension – even a touch of panic. It was possible that I had given him something to fear too: that he dreaded the inevitable day when I would give up on us, when I would simply decide the cost of caring was too high and push him away for good. It seems he had given me the power to shatter his heart in return – along with the desire to guard it instead; to keep it safe within my own. It was strange to gain a power over my rival that I never wanted to use…

And it seems that the only person I can relate to is a newly liberated 3,000 year old spirit from a puzzle. I guess that's progress, of sorts.

Yami also teased me in more conventional ways. He once got me to eat an Atlas Moth caterpillar, a _Thysania Agrippina_, to be exact, on a dare. The damn thing was almost four inches long. I stood there, my mouth full of furry, still-wriggling bug, waiting for Yami to drop its mate into his own mouth. But he had crossed his arms instead, smirked and said, "It's not always a bad thing to lose, Blue Eyes." 

I didn't know whether to throw him on the ground and spit the half-eaten caterpillar into his mouth, or kiss him senseless. In the end, I had decided to do both – and anything else that occurred to me. After all, we were secluded: they were _my_ grounds, and _my_ lover – who was lying beneath my taller body as I slowly explored his now bug-free mouth, leisurely caressed every inch of his perfect body, gradually drove crazy in every way possible, before finally claiming him. I was learning fast – some games can be won in variety of ways. 

Strange as it sounds, and much as I enjoy it – it's unsettling – almost disturbing – to be around someone who likes me, who teases me, who makes me feel like the teenager I have never allowed myself to be. Who might even say that he loved me, if he thought I was ready to hear it. 

I have tried for years to defeat the hatred in my soul with the force of my rage. Perhaps it is time to try something new. I know I should be pleased that I have somehow found my way into Yami's arms – and I am. But happiness is such an unfamiliar companion, that I don't know how to invite him in, how to make him at home in my heart. At times, I can not stop myself from resisting the joy that is invading my soul. And it has been so long since I have been willing to pay hope's price. Yet I refuse to back down now -- that would be too final a surrender. I have no choice but to try to fight my way to this uncertain future.

Yami's power I understand. It is his tenderness that confuses me. I had never thought that I would want to be touched by another person. For that matter, I never dreamed that anyone would want to touch me, without being paid for it. Although he has seen the scars, at times Yami kisses me as though I was made of spun glass, as though I would break if roughly handled, as though it would matter if I did. I have been without affection for 17 years. Now, each caress is like a match in a summer forest, like a glass of water poured on the desert sands. I burn, I drink in his touch, and am greedy for more. 

Trusting someone, being part of them, being cared for – all the things Yami offered – all the things he wanted in return – were precisely the things I had forbidden myself. They had been luxuries I could not afford if I was to survive. And so, I told myself they didn't matter. I had something better – control.

I have always been the one in charge. Protecting Mokuba, redeeming my promises, running Kaiba Corporation. With Yami, I am discovering the luxury of letting go. He is endlessly patient, waiting until I can allow myself to trust, to give myself, to share something that would resemble love, if I could bring myself to believe in that trite and over-hyped emotion.

Maybe Yami is cunning as well as wise. I could never be forced, but I can be so easily seduced. Abuse, I can resist or endure. Against his combination of strength and gentleness, I have no defense.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: This chapter was influenced by the manga and subtitled DVDs that I've seen of Alcatraz (I haven't seen all of them.) On the way to Alcatraz, Kaiba tells Mokuba that he has to win, because that's the only way he can free himself from Gozaburo's influence, and "win a true future" for himself. Later, as he's dueling Yami, he tells him that he isn't motivated by revenge for his previous losses – but that Yami represents the past to him (ancient or recent – it's clearly all the same to Kaiba), and he hates his past (he describes it as filled with pain an ugliness), so beating Yami will prove that he can defeat his past. That's why he's so stunned when he loses. He takes it to mean that his past is inescapable – although Yami tries to tell him that he has picked the right battle, but is using the wrong weapons.

What I find moving about this, is that in his own uniquely stupid, stubborn way (I mean all those who think you can learn to accept a troubled past by beating someone in a card game on a man made island holding the remains of your psychotic adoptive father's weapons factory – raise your hands.) Kaiba is truly trying to change his life. No matter how wrongly he's going about it, there's no denying the sincerity of his desire, or its poignancy.

Later, when Mokuba reminds him that he has promised to let his bitterness sink into the ocean with Alcatraz, Kaiba stops short; suddenly realizing that much as he needs to and wants to do this – he doesn't know if he _can_.

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Yugi and friends: I think Kaiba would find being around Yugi's friends disturbing for a number of reasons. I think, when you're younger, say Mokuba's age, you just accept that your family is the same as everyone else's. Like at Duelist's Kingdom, you can almost hear Mokuba saying, "Doesn't everyone have to worry about being kidnapped by a lunatic trying to steal his brother's company – because this IS normal life for him. But Kaiba is older. He _knows_ just how bizarre his life has been – how different. And he's both proud and sensitive – always a bad combination. So I think he'd find being around them a reminder of how different he is, how different his past has been – and he might see that as a vulnerability to be hidden.

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Noa's Arc: Although the dub of Noa's Arc is, by 4-Kids standards, reasonably faithful, one thing that really annoys me, is the way they gloss over both Kaiba's role in designing weapons, and his guilt over it. It's the one thing, above all else, that drives him to try and take over Kaiba Corporation – because he realizes that the only way to get Kaiba Corporation to stop using his designs _is_ by taking it over. In the subtitled DVD, Gozaburo gives him the money and tells him to increase it by 10 times over. When Seto accepts, Gozaburo taunts him, telling him that he's just signed his life away, and that he can't do it. Seto also knows this is impossible. But his aim is to use the money to take control of Kaiba Corporation. He makes it clear that he uses every underhanded trick in to book to accomplish this, but unlike in the dub version, he's not boasting about what he's done. While it would be too much to say that he has any regrets, neither is he proud of his actions. He's simply done what he felt he needed to; and as always is willing to leave any consideration of ethics, or internal emotional damage for later – it's simply not a luxury he can afford. The matter of fact way he relates his actions, neither asking for praise, blame, or even understanding, makes it especially moving – and chilling.

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RESPONSES TO REVIEWS: 

Spirit Star – **Kaiba's feelings about Yami and Yugi's bond:** That was a great question. However, I can't answer it yet. When I read your review I realized that although I had thought a lot about the rather conflicted feelings Kaiba would have about Yugi, and about his relationship with Yami, I had only included about two sentences in Kaiba's next narrative (Chapter 23). Anyway, you reminded me that it's not enough to have this stuff in my head – it actually needs to be on paper (so to speak) too. I started out by increasing the length of his internal thoughts, then decided I really should prod him a little and see if I can get him to use actual words. I think it will improve the chapter – I was never too happy with that part of it – so thank you for your comments.

Crimson Winter, Kagemihari, samurai-ashes – **Roles, protectiveness, caring:** Early on, Kaiba notes that although he is stronger, and the better fighter, Yami is the one trying to take care of him. Yami also realizes early on (although he doesn't like it) that he can't protect him in the conventional sense. What he can do, and I think does, is make him feel cared for, and accept Kaiba and his limitations. I think Kaiba also takes care of Yami in less obvious ways – teaching him how to drive, in a sense how to be part of this century, and maybe, by example, how to face up to life and its decisions, even (perhaps especially) when there are no good choices.

Kaiba thinks he 'can take care of himself' but actually what he does is use himself to take care of Mokuba. I frequently want to shake some sense into Kaiba, myself. However, I've given him a lover with the patience to let him discover his feelings, try to learn to trust, at his own pace. Yami can't physically protect Kaiba – I think that makes him more protective of his heart.

Crimson Winter, Lightning Sage – **Teasing, competition:** In the manga there's one adorable scene where Yugi goes into Yami's soul room. Yami sneaks up behind him. Yugi jumps about a foot in the air, and Yami winks at him. It made me think that there's probably a playful, teasing side in there, that maybe Kaiba would bring out – if only because he's so much fun to tease. However, a lot of Yami's games, as always, have a point.

Samurai-ashes – **Kaiba's unhappiness:** What I find tragic about Kaiba's defenses is that they may be killing him now, but once they were necessary for his and Mokuba's survival. So I think he would have a very hard time letting go of them.

AnimeFan-Artemis, Lightning Sage, Red Dragon 4 – **fluff:** Red Dragon 4 described the chapter as "dark fluff" as description I love. I guess, with a story like this, some comic relief is necessary – besides, even these two can't be grim all the time.

Kagemihari – **Cards:** One thing I love about the manga is that the cards really represent their user's souls – so the deck you end up with is no accident.

Kagemihari, laura m, Seto-Kaiba's-fan – **Chapters fitting together and length:** One advantage of writing at least a first draft as one uninterrupted story is that it allowed me to make sure there was a lot of continuity, and that things didn't just get dropped. Of course this sometimes means that character's actions or thoughts don't become totally clear until a later chapter, and sometimes two or three have to be read together for a full picture to emerge. I kind of wondered if people would find this intriguing or annoying, so I'm really glad that people are still enjoying reading the story, as much as I am enjoying writing it.

Animebay-b, Lone Wolf 55, Zoe – Thank you. I'm really pleased you're still enjoying the story, and I like hearing from you.


	24. Ch 22 The Cards' Heart

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PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: One thing I've always loved about the manga is the way the cards really represent parts of the characters' souls. For this chapter, it would probably help if you know which cards belong to whom.

Kaiba's cards: Battle Ox, Hitosame Giant, Saggi, the Dark Clown, Crush, Giant Germ, other virus cards, Blue Eyed White Dragon (duh).

Yami's cards: Celtic Guardian, Black Magic Girl, Kuribo, Buster Blader (actually I'm not sure if this is one of Yami's cards, but given it's effect on dragons, if it isn't – it should be!) Dark Magician.

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ADDITIONAL AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.

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CHAPTER 22: THE CARDS' HEART

YAMI'S NARRATIVE 

Names have power. I could see now how much he hated being called Kaiba; how he bled internally with every reminder, although he wore his company's initials on his belt and trademark trench coat. I rarely hurt him now by using his adopted name. Yet in my mind, I could not think of him as anything else. The name 'Seto' reminded me too much of my priest. His pride and fierceness and recklessness had come down through the ages undimmed. I knew he had been important to me, but whether as a friend, lover, or betrayer, I could not remember. Only in his obsession with technology could I see Kaiba as truly a person of his own time.

Kaiba was finally ready to show off his duel cuff. He, Mokuba, and his technicians had moved into the east wing of the mansion, where the computer lab was, and tested it behind locked doors. I had received only one brief, scribbled note – from Mokuba (of course), not Kaiba. It had simply read, "He wants it to be perfect before he shows it to you." I smiled as I sent back the reassurance that only Mokuba had the sense to ask for: "Don't worry, I'll still be here."

The crew had finally emerged smiling, over two weeks later. Kaiba, as usual, was carrying the sleeping Mokuba. I think Kaiba would have dragged me back there as soon as he had put Mokuba to bed, and the technicians had left, but he was swaying on his feet and could barely talk. I put him to bed, where he promptly slept round the clock. I looked at the shadows under his eyes, and wondered how long he had gone without eating or sleeping. 

He was even more highly strung than usual. As we entered the lab, he was wearing the new duel cuff. It was lighter and far more delicate than the old system. I felt a moment's unease. It covered the forearm from hand to elbow; the cards carried in a sheath at the wrist. It resembled nothing so much as the arm shield of an ancient warrior; I remembered similar designs from Egypt. Kaiba explained how the device worked, but did not put his deck in. Instead he held out his hand imperviously for mine. I hesitated for a moment. No one had ever touched that deck except Yugi and I. Although his face revealed neither hurt nor anger, both colored his voice, as he said curtly, "I'm not going to rip it up."

I had not realized the seeds of distrust I had still harbored, and I flushed as I handed him my deck. He sorted through it quickly, removing a few cards to mix with his. He clearly had the order planned in advance. To my surprise, he slid the cuff off, and attached it to a computer hook-up.

The computer is set up to read the sequence," he said briefly, "I didn't want to miss the show."

He had somehow managed to combine his virtual reality and portable holographic systems. The effect was staggering. As he turned it on, the ghostly mists of the Shadow Realm rose around us, cutting us off from the outside world; but the encircling clouds were thinner -- designed so that spectators could see through. 

His hologram monsters had always looked realistic. Now he had captured their very souls, like the sorcerer he had been in his past life. His faithful Battle Ox roared, his axe cutting the air with the force of his blind rage; we were in the shadowy forest with him. Next came his pitiful Hitosame Giant, mindlessly circling his mountain lair; in essence (even as Kaiba himself) a willing sacrifice. Then my Celtic Guardian, young and proud, guarding his castle walls; a squire eager for his first battle, aware he might never return. Black Magic Girl followed in a glitter of stars: Yugi's vision of Anzu brought to life.

I couldn't imagine a duelist seeing this and not wanting more. In one stroke Kaiba had made his own previously state-of-the-art duel disk system obsolete.

Images of our decks ushered each other in, pieces of our souls mingling. I laughed to see Kuribo, cuddly and silly, rolling his eyes in greeting. At my side, Kaiba snorted. I was reminded of one of my few memories: my priest screaming at me to defeat him with my Gods, instead of insulting him with my little runt. His reincarnation had felt the same.

My laughter stilled as the cringing Saggi, the Dark Clown, replaced him. "Why do you keep him in your deck?" I burst out.

"Your little fluff ball is even weaker. Besides, Saggi's the perfect vessel for my virus cards."

As he spoke, the landscape darkened, twisted out of shape. His crush and germ cards followed each other across a diseased and blasted world.

"I hate those cards," I muttered. "They're so….."

"Cold-blooded?" Kaiba finished bitterly. His smile did not reach his icy blue eyes. "Then they're the perfect cards for the man who designed the missile systems to deliver the real thing before his 13th birthday." He spoke coolly, seemingly without emotion, but I wasn't fooled. His hands were clenched at his sides, his back rigid. I kneaded his shoulders. He flinched, as if surprised I would still want to touch him.

The virus cards had mercifully dissolved, taking their harsh landscape with them. Into the gloom strode Buster Blader, shining faintly in the darkness surrounding him: the Dragon Killer, cold and cruel. I looked on the part of me that had banished a 15 year old boy to the Shadow Realm for stealing a card, had shattered his heart, had been ready to push him off a tower. 

I heard the sharp intake of Kaiba's breath and turned to see his profile. I had expected to see fear, but there was understanding and desire in his steady gaze. I felt my own eyes kindle in response. I returned to my position behind his back where I could watch over his shoulder and taste his neck at the same time, my teeth holding the soft flesh, marking him as mine; as if to protect this one precious dragon from my own demon. 

One hand slowly unbuttoned his shirt, trailed down his body, stroking his chest, his flat stomach, briefly coming to rest under the waistband of his pants, before tracing circles around his slim hip. The other unfastened his pants, as I moved slowly, teasingly, down the line separating his leg from his torso, pausing only to tickle his inner thigh, before reaching out to caress him. His breath was coming faster now, in harsh gasps, though neither his eyes nor mine left the demons in front of us.

His three Blue Eyes took flight around us, their wings trailing light, coming together, morphing into their Ultimate form; truly Seto's pride – no – his heart and soul. Seeing them only increased my desire for my own Blue Eyes, for the dragon moaning in my arms.

I had thought that his beloved dragons would have the place of honor, but the last card appeared, and the Dark Magician looked down on us. He was masterful, wise, powerful – yet gentle and protective too. His hand was holding the staff, ready to threaten, to destroy; but his gaze was tender, loving. I was humbled by this vision of myself. Was this truly what Kaiba saw when he looked at me?

"How did you do this?" I demanded, as I spun him to face me.

His face was flushed with triumph and desire, his eyes unfocused. He pulled himself together with a smile that finally reached his eyes.

"A magician never reveals his secrets." he said, as I pulled his head down until his mouth met mine.

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JOU'S POV: For everyone who wanted more information on Jou's POV on Yami and Seto, I finally posted a side fiction called "Jou's POV" (I admit, I'm pretty bad at making up titles.) I actually found it a little disturbing to write, because it really looks at how Kaiba is seen by the outside world – and it's not pretty. It's also strikingly different from the tone of "Cards", particularly this chapter, but it's my take on a Jou narrative. BTW, it's pretty obvious by now that I love reviews and take them seriously, so please, if you're going to look up "Jou's POV", leave a review of Chapter 22 here, first. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: Somewhere, about a month into posting, it occurred to me, that anyone looking at the title, would be justified in expecting a light, romantic comedy. Bet everyone thought the title was just a bad pun. Well, actually it is a bad pun – but one with some meaning behind it.

I actually don't know much (or anything) about dueling, and it's not the sort of thing you can look up in Barnes & Nobles. My interest in the cards is purely visual – I think they're lovely. And I also like the idea of the cards being extensions of the duelists. Like Yami's deck isn't the most powerful – but it's not cheezy that he wins, because his deck is the most balanced – it's got strong and weak monsters, beautiful and horrific ones, and a strong helping of wonder and magic. It's also a deck that can protect itself. I could go on for hours about Kaiba's deck. It is an explosively destructive deck. Usually when he loses, or winds up in trouble, it's because the destructive power of his one deck has been turned against itself (sound familiar?) It's also noticeable that although the Blue Eyes might represent his soul, he's very hard on them (even leaving out the one that he ripped up). He uses them for sacrifices and doesn't have any trap cards to protect them. Anyway, I started thinking about what the rest of their decks might mean, and images just popped into my head. Boy did they ever…

As for the rest – what can I say? – It occurred to me that if the cards really did represent their souls, they might find it a turn on. 

I wasn't quite sure what to make of this chapter, it's a little surreal and image driven, so I'd like to know what you thought.

BTW, did anyone notice that although Yami refers to Kaiba as 'Seto' when he's talking to him, he invariably refers to him as 'Kaiba' in his thoughts?

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RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:

Lone Wolf 55 – **subtitled DVDs:** I know I keep raving about the subtitled DVDs. The website for them is animeniacs.com However, although I love them, they can get expensive, so I though it's only fair to outline what I think are the advantages and disadvantages. **Disadvantages: **The English is pretty stilted. It clearly hasn't been translated by someone who's fluent in English. I pretty much read it and turn it into standard English in my head as I go along. If doing that annoys you – probably so will the DVDs. Also, sometimes, I can't make heads or tails of what the characters are trying to say, even after re-reading and trying to puzzle out the subtitles. And – I find this funny – but they translate (sometimes incorrectly) words that are actually in English. Like Kaiba will say Blue Eyes White Dragon, and the words Green Eyes White Dragon will show up in the subtitles. And they like to call Yugi, "Game" and Mokuba, "Wooden Horse". **Advantages:** The story is so much more involving and the characters, particularly Kaiba, are so much more three-dimensional. Kaiba comes across as a deeply thoughtful, troubled young man; who's desperately searching for a way to salvage his life – while pushing away anyone (except Mokuba) who might care enough to help. The actor's voices are wonderful. I could listen to the actor who plays Kaiba for hours – he's got this incredibly sexy, resonant voice. And he actually uses it to convey emotions – besides anger and smugness. His voice is sad, almost wistful when he's thinking (and this Kaiba thinks a lot more than he speaks.) He's tough and curt when he speaks to everyone – you can almost feel the wariness – and then his voice softens whenever he addresses Mokuba, you can feel him melt. Whenever anyone pisses him off (which is admittedly a fairly frequent occurrence) you can hear the rage explode out of him – it's more effective, because he doesn't sound angry all the time. 

AnimeFan-Artemis, Crimson Violet Eyes, Dai-na1, Desidera, Female Yami/Yugi, Kagemihari, Red Dragon 4, samurai-ashes – **angst, acceptance, and joy:** What can I say – with Kaiba, these all seem inter-connected. I actually thought it was an oddly appropriate chapter for Christmas. Although parts of it were very dark, and there was enough self loathing and angst to go around – I though this was also one of the more hopeful chapters in a way -- because Kaiba is trying to find a way to accept Yami's love – even though he doesn't understand it or think he deserves it. He's kind of taking stock of his life and looking for a way out of the future he's always accepted -- to win, as he says in the manga, a true future – even an uncertain one.

Desidera, Kagemihari, Lightning Sage – **of caterpillars, hair and helium:** As this chapter probably makes clear, random images sometimes pop into my head. I just had this picture of Kaiba with a really big caterpillar in his mouth – and Yami laughing at him. Then I had to figure out what was going on, and go to Barnes & Nobles (my home away from home) and try to find a really ugly caterpillar that would be native to Japan. I decided, Kaiba probably _would_ know the Latin name. Like Jou, I thought blimps were full of hot air. Luckily, just before posting, I kind of casually asked someone, who said, "No, that's the Wizard of Oz," – which I thought would be pretty close to Kaiba's reaction as well. Yeah, I thought this chapter had some of my funnier moments, (it was kind of an emotional roller coaster chapter), so, I'm glad that came across. 

Samurai-ashes – **fighting:** I just realized yet another reason why I have Yami and Kaiba fight so often (besides the fact that I like to) – for so many years anger is the only emotion that Kaiba has allowed himself to express, or even feel. I think his other emotions are so deeply buried that he might need to use anger as a trigger to allow himself to fell or express even the more positive emotions of love (not that he's admitting to that one) or joy.

Animebay-b – **Will Yami accept Kaiba's behavior?:** I think Yami will always try to get Kaiba to let go of his self hatred, because, after all, he's in love with Kaiba – and it must be hard to watch him beat up on himself. However, this is at least the second time you've asked a really good question that I'm not ready to answer – as to whether Yami _can _accept the deeply troubled man that he's fallen in love with – that's what the last chapter is for!

Red Dragon 4 – **Yami panicking:** I think, just as it took Yami a while to realize that Kaiba would literally do anything for him, it might take Kaiba a while to realize that Yami would really be frightened of losing him – because, after all, he doesn't consider it much of a loss. So I think realizing that Yami would actually be frightened of losing him would come as a bit of a shock.

Chibi Angelic Slayer – Please let me know if it ended up going where you think – although it might take until the next chapter to become a little clearer.


	25. Ch 23 The Challenge

**Please Read and Review:**  This begins a series of 5 ½ chapters which will bring the story to a close.  Everyone's been great, and I would love to know how you think the conclusion's going.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:   Continuity:**  I'm in the process of making minor continuity corrections.  The one affecting this chapter, is that Mokuba should be 12, not 11 as I stated earlier.

**THANKS:**  Spirit Star had asked earlier about Kaiba's feelings about Yugi and Yami's bond.  I realized that, although I had this pretty clear in my mind, I had only put a couple of sentences about it into this chapter.  Since it's not enough to have the story in my head, I decided it was time Yami and Seto had a serious talk on the subject (although "talk" may be the wrong word.) 

I would like to thank Kagemihari for critiquing their conversation, and helping me to make it stronger with her perceptive comments.  And I would like to thank her and samurai-ashes for letting me complain for weeks about the problems inherent in narrating a chapter from the POV of an inexpressive emotional idiot like Seto Kaiba.

**CHAPTER 23:  THE CHALLENGE**

**SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE**

I had forgotten that Anzu was a witch.

It had been an exhausting day.  I had finally shown Yami my duel cuff.  It was the first thing I had ever created solely for me.  I was building Kaiba Land to fulfill one of my many promises to Mokuba.  I had destroyed Kaiba Corporation's weapon factories.  I had changed its nature as I struggled to change my own, in a useless attempt to redeem our name.  But I had designed the duel cuff simply from a desire to see the monsters I had glimpsed in that first Shadow Game, to give life to them, to share them with Yami.  To lay them before him as a gift... or an offering.

 I was flushed with triumph – and with embarrassment as well.  The demonstration had ended with my seduction on my own computer lab floor.  Later, with Yami's gentle eyes on me, I forced myself to keep my expression neutral; to stop myself from grinning shyly with the remembered pleasure of having been in his arms. All I wanted to do now was to curl up at home with Mokuba and Yami.  Admittedly, that's all I want to do every evening.  But Yami had already made plans – we were to have dinner with Yugi and Anzu instead.

I had once wondered what price Yami would demand of me.  Now I knew: that I surrender my detachment.  At home I could forget that I lived behind a wall of ice.  At work it seemed normal.  Only Yugi and his friends forced me to confront that barrier of my own creation, forced me close enough to burn in its freezing grip.

So I looked at those evenings at the Turtle Game Shop, surrounded by Yugi's friends as a form of payment.  I still thought they were a singularly useless bunch.  None of them would have lasted a week in Gozaburo's house, and that was how I measured all people.  But boring as they were, they were almost as important to Yami, as Mokuba was to me.  And Yami had been endlessly kind to my otouto.  I had incurred a debt that I discharged with what grace I could muster.

Yami must have spoken to them.  Once they would have flown at me like the stinging insects they resembled.  They would have peppered me with questions, with demands, and finally with insults when I did not respond.  Now they left me alone to sit in a corner under the benevolent eye of Sugoroku, who should have hated me.  (Why didn't any of these people ever hold grudges?)  I didn't make the mistake of thinking that they accepted me as one of the gang, tolerating my quirks as they did each other's.  It was more that they were inured to my presence, as if I was just another accessory that Yami carried around, like his odd collection of bangles and belts.

I am being uncharitable, as I often am.  But I am also being untruthful, which, I hope, happens more rarely.  For I do not think Yugi worthless, although, that could simply be because I don't know what to think or how to feel about him anymore.  And my own uncharacteristic uncertainty annoyed me.

For although I would never admit it, Yugi reminds me of Mokuba.  Or rather, he reminds me of the kind of person I secretly hope Mokuba will grow up to resemble.  The one thing that scares me is the thought of how easily Mokuba could have become my double – when I am the blueprint for all I want him to avoid.  And Yugi, with Mokuba's warmth and openness, is my opposite in so many ways.

And, after all, Yugi did save my life --  although I still think he made the wrong decision.  I can't say that I ever showed, or even felt, much gratitude – but at least I have tried to use the time well.  

But if Yugi had given me back my life, he had also forced me to live with the knowledge that had our positions been reversed, I would have dropped him from Pegasus' tower as casually as tossing a stone into the sea.

When Yami had shattered my heart, he had given me back my conscience (another present of dubious value).  So when I thought of Yugi, I felt a prickle of shame.  He had saved Mokuba's life.  Worse, he had done it _after_ I had almost killed his Jichan.  He had the opportunity to take his revenge in the most complete way possible, and had refrained.  But I could no longer pretend that he was a fool for showing mercy.  He wasn't.  He just wasn't a killer, either.  And I no longer looked down on that.  He was a fitting aibou for Yami – more so than I.

Which was probably why it always hurt to hear his name on Yami's lips, although I was not afraid of being betrayed in the conventional sense.  And I didn't realize that this one silence, among my many silences, had caught Yami's ear.  Or that there might be something that he needed my reassurance on as well – until the night before Mokuba and I had gone to ground to test the new duel cuff.

_"You're taking him out of school for how long?"  Yami had asked incredulously._

_Whenever there was something he wanted to ask; something he knew I didn't want to answer – he waited until we were in bed at night.  Preferably after we had made love, or fucked each other, or whatever is your verb of preference.  Maybe he figured it was the only time I might be relaxed enough to hear him out before yelling.  Maybe he just wanted a comfortable place for the reconciliation scene after I started the inevitable fight._

_"For as long as it takes to test the system,"  I said patiently.  "Hell, did you forget he's the vice president of Kaiba Corporation?  Or did you think that was a joke?"_

_"He's only 12.  He should be in school."_

_Although Yami didn't mention his name, I knew where this was coming from, and the rein on my temper started to slip.  After all, anger is my default setting.  And knowing how badly I had failed Mokuba was enough of a burden, without having to listen to Yugi's comments as well._

_"Let me guess.  This is one of Yugi's helpful suggestions."  I sneered.  "In case it escaped your notice – he doesn't have a business – or a brother.  So don't tell me how to manage either._

_Oh, what's the use?  You don't trust me, do you?  And you never will." I said wearily.  "Just drop it."_

_"Just drop it?" he repeated with rising anger.  "Why?  So I can watch you lie here, silently twisting everything I've ever said to feed your rage?  So I can watch you bury your feelings, watch them eat at your heart until they're just one more nightmare to add to the collection?"_

_I could feel the fury rising in my throat.  I swallowed; forced it down.  But I knew that wouldn't work for long._

_"Yami, let it be.  I don't want to do this."_

_"And I don't want to feel like I have to hesitate every time I say Yugi and Mokuba's names in the same sentence."  He responded.  "Why are you so angry?  It wasn't a bad suggestion.  You must know that 12 year-olds typically don't miss school to play with holograms.  Or did you reject the idea simply because it came from Yugi?"  He paused, "Seto, I need to know what you're thinking; what you're feeling."_

_He wanted to know what I was feeling?  I was feeling my blood singing in my veins.  I was feeling my rage, like my dragons, surging through my body, crying for release.  I tried, like a man on a cliff, to hold on._

_I didn't want to do this._

_"I've got a news flash for both you and Yugi.  It's way too late to pretend that Mokuba's ever had a typical, happy, little childhood.  I tried.  I couldn't give that to him."  I said bitterly.  "So, I'm giving him what I can.  I'm training him to run the company some day."_

_Yami was silent, but I heard – no, I imagined – the words, "... the same way Gozaburo trained you." Hanging in the air.  Yami hadn't said them, hadn't even thought them, but I heard them all the same.  And I reacted as viciously as I could._

_"I would never hurt Mokuba again.  You should know that.  But you don't.  Is that why you check up on everything I do with Yugi?  Did you need his permission before you fucked me, too?  Well, the next time you decide to stab me in the back by having a little heart-to-heart chat with your precious hikari about my failures as a brother – keep it to yourself!"_

_"You don't think...."  Yami whispered._

_For once, his eyes echoed my own turmoil.  For once, I had hurt him, as I had meant to, in his weakest spot._

_Yami was the best thing that had happened to me – the only good thing – since Mokuba.  And I was screwing it to hell.  I can't say I was surprised.  I'd always rated my abilities to stay in the relationship pretty low; had always known it wouldn't be long until I finally drove him away.  It was expected; acceptable, even._

_But I had done something that I would have sworn was impossible.  I had made Yami doubt himself; doubt the keystone of his character.  I am who I am.  I have to go for the kill.  But all those times I had taunted him – Yami had been so calm, so patient.  I had never really believed I could hurt him.  Now I had divided Yami against himself.  And I had done it reflexively, almost without thinking – and that was not acceptable. _

_It wasn't even like I believed my own words.  I knew Yami cared for me; maybe even loved me.  I had simply said the most hateful, hurtful things I could.  And I had forced him to feel disloyal for his feelings, when I knew no betrayal had been intended._

_Abruptly, my anger deserted me.  Its flight shocked me back to sanity; left me dazed and tongue-tied once again, as I surveyed the wreckage on the field.  My anger had exploded outwards; I had rejoiced to let it go – until it had wounded Yami._

_For Yugi was his great weakness, as Mokuba was mine.  I knew, or should have known, the damage my twisted words would cause as they hit the wrong target.  Yami had never been my enemy.  He was my lover.  If nothing else, I owed him my honesty._

_For one, it was my turn to comfort him._

_"Shit, Yami – I didn't mean it.  I don't know why I keep pushing you away, when all I want to do is stay in your arms.  When I'm terrified that one day, you'll wake up, and I'll lose you.  That one day, I'll wake up and find you gone; find that everything I've ever wanted has vanished with the night._

_But whatever happens, I want you to know, I do understand... about you and Yugi, I mean.  Yugi is your light.  Hell, I know that.  You crave his presence... like a solar battery needs the sun to recharge._

_Yugi and I – we're both in here,"  I said, putting my hand over his heart.  "Did you think I wouldn't know – or that I'd blame you for how you feel?  Hell, I know all about divided loyalties.  After all, Mokuba has the first claim on the patched up remains of my own heart."_

_"There's more left than you think," he breathed._

_I couldn't believe him.  Even now, he was still trying to comfort me._

_"God damn it to hell, Yami.  I don't know what you could possibly see that makes this all worthwhile."_

_It was true.  I was no nearer to understanding him than the day he had barged into my office and gotten so mad at me; than the night he had kissed me for the first time.  I had reluctantly given up on trying to figure out why he bothered; why he cared.  I was working on accepting it without understanding – but it was rough going.  Blind faith and trust had never been my style._

_Despite his words, I could still see the shadow of the guilt I had put there in his eyes.  I swear I didn't know I had the power to hurt him – not like this.  And I had to find out if I had the power to heal, as well as destroy._

_"Yami, I didn't last this long, or get this far, without learning to read people.  Your word can be trusted, even more absolutely than my own."_

_Damn, this was hard.  I wished Yami could just shatter my heart again, and take out the pieces he wanted.  It probably would have been less painful for the both of us.  I took a deep breath and released the words in a rush; before I could stop or censor them._

_"You protected Mokuba for me.  You shattered my heart – then became the darkness that shielded me as I rebuilt it.  I know that now.  Did you think I wouldn't crawl into your heart in return – learn it as intimately?  Don't you remember – I was the Devil's Sanctuary that kept you safe while you battled Malik.  Our souls crossed that day.  I know you.  And you could never break the promise you sealed with your body."_

_This time, his lips were the ones parted in surprise.  This time, I was the one who could not resist.  I leaned over and touched them slowly, gently, with my own.  My soul had once been trapped in a playing card, until he freed it.  Now, I tried to return it to his keeping; as if I could breathe it into his body.  My lips traced the column of his neck, the planes of his chest; my tongue catching on his nipples; trailing fire down his body._

_I was on top of him; kissing, fondling every inch of him I could reach.  I had been in this position before, of course – when I could no longer bear the thought of my own surrender; when I was feeling charged, or challenged, or – God help me – playful._

_But this was different.  As I straddled him, stroked him, caressed him, brought him to climax, claimed him – it was as if I could prove my trust only by possessing him... by being one with him... by being inside of him.  I took him with a gentleness I did not know was within my compass.  Once again, trusting my body to find the words I could never bring myself to say. _

_This time, I was the one cradling Yami in my arms as he drifted off to sleep._

No, I was not jealous of Yugi in the conventional sense.  Nor did I hate him.  How could I?  In the end, he was a part of Yami.

Of course, looking back on that night, I suppose I should have spoken or written to Yami afterwards, instead of hiding in the computer lab (my true home in the mansion) testing my design.  But my desire – my need – to see him when I emerged was so strong, it froze me in place; as if voicing my hopes would insure that they never came true...

And I knew if I simply did nothing, Mokuba would find the right words far more easily than I.  (After all, what are little brothers for?)

I admit, I have some tolerance for Anzu as well.  She had been kind to Mokuba when everyone else wrote him off as 'Kaiba's little brat'.  If I was resentful of the fact that Mokuba confided in her, (and I was), I was grateful to her as well.  And Mokuba more than liked her.  Seeing them together reminded me of how quickly he was growing up.  In another year he would be a teenager.  It was strange and scary and…wonderful… to think he would soon be in the market for a girlfriend for real.  And I had to admit, when the time came, he could do a lot worse than to find someone like Anzu, who had proved her loyalty time and time again.

Even if she is a witch.

In a more direct age, she probably would have been stoned or burned at the stake by now.  Maybe I should have stayed longer at Good Ol' Domino High, if only to learn what the appropriate feudal punishment would have been for someone who could so unerringly say the one thing I didn't want to hear.

Yami kept going on and on about the duel cuff.  If he had ignored it or even hated it, I guess that would have stung, but I would have shrugged it off as I did any other less than fatal blow.  His acclaim was much more painful.  He wasn't just praising my technical expertise or my business know-how.  That, I'm used to.  He had seen a piece of my heart in my creation, and that was why he loved it.  The knowledge was almost more than I could bear; almost enough to crack the mask I wore in public.

Contempt or even hatred leaves me unmoved.  It's familiar, and I arouse it effortlessly.  But I have little practice with affection, except from Mokuba.  So I sat there (silently eating up every word), unable to move, my expression frozen.  Hopefully I just looked bored.

The talk turned, thankfully, to how we were going to market the thing.  I had hosted Battle City to introduce the last duel disk system.  I certainly wasn't going to try that again, anytime soon.

The Yugi got his second bright idea, almost as devastating as the little brainwave that had landed Yami in my house, and me in his arms.  "You wouldn't have to hold a whole tournament.  All you would have to do is duel Yami.  People would go nuts!"

"No." I said flatly, and I thought with finality.

"It's okay, Kaiba.  You don't have to be afraid."  Anzu piped up.

"I'm not afraid of Yami." I sneered, deliberately misunderstanding her.  I should have remembered that she was a witch.

Her eyes narrowed at that.  "I didn't say that you were afraid of Yami.  I said that you were afraid, period.  I bet in all the time Yami's been there – you two have never even had a match.

And don't forget – I've seen you with Mokuba.  You stand on the sidelines at every duel, endlessly explaining strategy, yet you've never taught him how to play.  You said it yourself, when you were battling Noa, you can't fight against him, you can only fight with him at your side.  You're afraid that once you pick up your deck, you'll see him only as an enemy that must be destroyed.  You're afraid that the anger you call up every time you duel will be strong enough to destroy your love for Mokuba, or Yami."

Who ever said that I loved Yami?  I certainly never used the 'L' word, even when referring to Mokuba.  But Anzu was right, probably on all counts. Not that I would admit it.

"I've never backed down from a challenge yet," I snarled, "And I'm not going to start now."  As soon as the words left my mouth, I remembered where I had heard them last – from Yami as he prepared to knock me off of Pegasus's tower.  It's a good thing I don't believe in omens, either.

Actually, Anzu was only half-right.  Mercifully, she had missed my worst fear.  I'm not surprised she hadn't guessed it.  She had never come face to face with the Yami I had dueled.  I had seen him fight Jounouchi with friendship, even kindness.  I had certainly never felt either while dueling him, myself.  Oh, a couple of our matches had started with respect and even concern, but that had never lasted very long.  From Death-T to Battle City, the Yami I knew had ruthlessly exploited everything he knew about me; making sure I knew his disdain for me along the way.  That was okay.  It was fair.  It's what opponents do to each other – what enemies do.

But Yami knew me far better now; could destroy me far more easily.  He knew where the scars were. He could pick me apart as Gozaburo had, and I had no reason to think he wouldn't. 

I had been living in a virtual world created by my own desire; a world where Yami loved me.  At Anzu's words, at my acceptance of her challenge, it had vanished as though someone had hit the delete key.  Now I was back in the real world – my world, anyway.  And I knew what was coming.  I had shown weakness.  Now I would pay.  That was the way life worked – my life, anyway.

Our duel would reveal our time together for the mockery I never wanted to believe, but always knew it was.  I would be left with nothing, but the grim realization that winning meant far more to him than I.  He was, after all, like me – a competitor first, a predator.  It was cold comfort that I didn't trust myself any more than I trusted him.

I tried to hide my thoughts from Yami.  I've frequently been accused of being about as expressive as a statue, but now that I needed it, the knack deserted me.  Yami waited until that night.  I had no trouble going to bed with him.  After all, I told myself, it's not like the activities that would take place there required any mutual respect or affection.  But I should have known that Yami wouldn't let me off that easily.

He leaned over me, cupping my face in his hands, forcing me to look into his eyes. "I will not hurt you.  You will not hurt me," he said slowly, as if the force of his words, or his crimson gaze, could compel my belief.  "Gods, Seto, I would no more destroy you than I could shatter my own reflection.  Believe in me and believe in yourself."

Belief in myself was a gift beyond Yami's power to grant.  But he had asked for my faith in him, as well.  And, as with Mokuba, I could no longer deny Yami anything he truly desired of me.  I had made my choice on that first night.  Now, I had only to stay the course, wherever it might lead.

I was bound to him, as if he had truly been my pharaoh, millennia ago.  Now I clung to that tie with all the determination that adversity had bred into my soul.  Gozaburo's lessons, my hard-won knowledge whipped through my mind; my adoptive father's voice rang in my ears.  Against that, I set this tenuous binding as a bulwark, or a shield.  I didn't know what the day would bring, but I prayed it would hold me through the night.

Yami had asked for my trust.  I would give it to him, as best I could.  Whether it was wise or foolish no longer mattered.  I relaxed into his embrace; let his words lull me to sleep.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**  Just when it looked like Kaiba had made a break through (or was that a break down – with Kaiba. It's sometimes hard to say).  Well actually, I think he did.  He learned that Yami cares enough about him, that his words matter.  He learned that if he lets his anger control him, he can end up destroying the good things in his life.  And he learned that when he needs to, he can get beyond Gozaburo's training, and the lessons his life has taught him.  But what he can do in a relatively safe environment, and what he can do, when stressed or challenged may be two different things...

 **Clothes Note:**  There's an adorable scene in the manga, when it's clear that Yugi is the one picking the clothes, and that Yami gets stuck wearing them.  He defends Yugi's taste, even though he's a little embarrassed by it.  But I think, now, he'd continue dressing the same way, because it would feel safe, and make him feel like he's still connected to Yugi.

**Duel Note:**  It's clear that Yami cares about Kaiba even as they duel each other, although a very real anger is also being expressed.  The result of each duel is that Kaiba learns something about friendship, or letting go of the past, or putting his life together.  But I think under stress, Kaiba would only remember the anger, and not the caring.

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:

AnimeFan Artemis, Crimson Violet Eyes, Desidera, Kagemihari, Ryo0oki, samurai-ashes – **Cards:**  AnimeFan Artemis described Kaiba's deck as being about sacrifice, power and pain – which I think sums it up very well.  I think Kaiba's use of the virus cards is a reminder of his creation of weapons, and an ongoing punishment.  I originally had Yami asking him to take the cards out, and him replying "Those cards stay in my deck, as long as my weapons are in the world."  Then I decided that it was too OOC for Yami to try and interfere with someone's deck. 

In Chapter 6 (Nightmares) Kaiba asks Yami if Buster Blader loves dragons even as he's destroying them.  I meant the question to apply to Yami and Kaiba's relationship.  In each of their duels, it's necessary for Kaiba's sake for Yami to win.  He needs to have his heart shattered – nothing else will save him at that point.  At Alcatraz Tower, it's only by losing that he learns he has to try and let go of his anger.  Each time, Yami is fighting for him as much as with him.  So while in Buster Blader, Yami is looking on a dark side of his character, he's also looking on a necessary side.  I think this is also the part of Yami that Kaiba is irresistibly drawn to, the part he recognizes on an instinctive level – which is why this is the cards that gets him aroused first.

Ryo0oki  -- Thanks for the card site.

L musich – **Questions from Chapter 6:**  The questions in Chapter 6 start to get answered here, 16 chapters later (I just realized – I demand a lot from anyone reading this story).  I think Kaiba's starting to open up, but doing it somewhat cryptically, in that he's referring to things between him and Yami through the cards.  When Kaiba asks about the Harpy Lady, he's trying to tell Yami that _he'_s not as arrogant or as invulnerable as he appears.  When he talks about the Celtic Guardian, he's really talking about how both he and Yami are driven to protect the people they care about, and are sometimes unable to do this.

Samurai-ashes – **Yami groping Seto:**  Thank you for noticing.  I sometimes wonder if my limes are so vague, that they're easy to miss – and this is supposed to be a love story.

L musich – **card demonstration:**  Kaiba was demonstrating his invention – they were looking at the cards, not dueling.  Unlike the dueling platforms, where the duelists are above the action, here they are in a virtual world that constantly changes depending on what cards are being played.  So they are in the forest with the Battle Ox, or on a Castle parapet with the Celtic Guardian.

Samurai ashes – **Mokuba's note:**  As you can see, Mokuba writing to Yami takes on added importance.  Somehow it seemed like Kaiba to have this whole emotional scene, and then disappear for two weeks.

Unsolvable Riddle – **Yami and Kaiba's first duel:**  I agree, there's a surprising amount of tenderness shown at the end, and it's clear Yami is trying to help Kaiba, not simply punish him.

Unsolvable Riddle – **Heart of Cards:**  Kaiba fights against admitting he believes in the heart of the cards, but he's one of the characters most in tune with his cards.  He calls his Blue Eyes his heart and soul in the duel against Isis, and tells Yugi before his duel with Pegasus that he can only fight with his dragons by his side.  So I think that he actually does get it – e just doesn't want to admit it.

Lightning Sage – Thank you, I'm trying to keep the emotion and romance going.

Ryo0oki – Thank you.  I really tried to think both the characters and the story line through – and I'm glad that it shows.

Blue September, Tuulikki – Welcome back!

Lone Wolf 55 – Hope you like the DVDs

Blackkightmare, Chibi Angelic Slayer, mOoNiTe rApHsOdy, NiiGeni, Sunrise and Sunset – Thank you.  I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and that the characters are continuing to be involving.  I can't think of a better compliment than to be addicting.


	26. Ch 24 It's Time to Duel

**Please Read and Review:**  Everyone's been great, and I would love to know how you think the conclusion's going.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**  Card Note: As I've said, I'm not a duelist.  I once read in an interview with Kazuki Takahashi where he was asked why, in the manga, the cards sometimes work differently than in the actual game.  He replied that the cards did whatever was necessary for him to tell the story.

Works for me.  I tried to make the duel (or at least the part I described) somewhat realistic – or at least, not glaringly unrealistic.  But I played the cards in the order that made the most emotional sense.  And the main card in this chapter is totally made up.  It's similar to a card from Noa's Arc, but I needed a different name, and slightly different attributes.

**BELATED THANKS:**  I read a draft of Kagemihari's "Hanging" and the image of Kaiba "trailing fire" while making love must have stuck in my subconscious, because I ended up using the phrase in Chapter 23.  So my thanks to Kagemihari for her understanding and support.  I would also recommend reading "Hanging" because it's a good, emotionally intense series of narratives about Yami and Seto.

ADDITIONAL AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END.

**CHAPTER 23:  IT'S TIME TO DUEL**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

If I was anxious about the upcoming battle, Kaiba was maniacal.  He was putting the finishing touches on his system, arranging for its production and distribution and organizing our highly publicized contest at the newly finished Kaiba Stadium, all at the same time.  His only reaction to any suggestion that he slow down or delegate some of his responsibilities was to snarl, "What did you think Battle City was like?"  

As Mokuba realized, far sooner than I, work was his refuge from his emotions.  

"He was much worse last time,"  Mokuba said encouragingly.

"I don't see how."  I answered.  "But, I'm touched.  I must finally be part of the family.  Kaiba's ignoring me, and you're lying to make me feel better."

He blushed as ducked his head.

"Well, he was louder at Battle City."  He offered.

Despite myself, I had to smile at his eagerness, his insistence on cheering me up.

But that one night haunted me.

That one night when Kaiba had come closer to expressing his feelings, to acknowledging his love than I would have thought possible.  That night, before he had disappeared into his lair to perfect his duel cuff – his offering to me.

That one night, at times, had the power to rob me of sleep as effectively as his nightmares.

I could have cursed Yugi's suggestion and Anzu's perception – for robbing me of more than the memory of that night – for replacing it with the many difficult ones ahead.  But I knew they were right.  We could not spend the rest of our lives ignoring the things that gave those lives meaning.  We were lovers.  We had been rivals.  We would learn to be both.

Having seen the man he was becoming, I forced myself to be patient with the man he was.  For I rarely saw Kaiba during the day.  And he came to bed each night desperately trying to convince himself this was just a meaningless, unemotional exchange; that we were simply using each other.  

I had been surprised by how compliant Kaiba could be in my arms.  Oh not always.  Kaiba could no more refrain from asserting himself, than he could stop breathing – and pliancy ran counter to his fiery, half-feral, nature.  But often he was content to follow my lead, as if the true arousal lay in trusting me, and his true relief in surrendering, even briefly, his hard won independence.  

Now, however, he approached each night as a prelude to our upcoming battle.  It was hard not to respond to his challenge, to turn from joining in a struggle for dominance.  But Kaiba had seen far too much fighting in his brief life, and far too little tenderness.  I reminded myself that he had no reason to look on life as anything but a battlefield.  So I accepted a harder challenge – taming my wild dragon, and reclaiming his trust. 

I would tell him that I loved him.  Knowing he'd reject the words; knowing he desperately wanted to hear them.  I tried to reassure him that no duel could make us enemies.  I would succeed long enough for him to let me caress him… to coax him into responding with all the passion and trust I could desire; with all the fire in his dragon's soul… to be soothed to sleep afterwards in my arms; to hold me in his.  

Mokuba had been right.  Again and again, I asked for the two treasures he guarded most fiercely: his heart and his trust.  He never denied me either.  But his assent never survived the night; never outlasted the sheltering darkness. 

As far as he had come since Battle City, at heart he believed only in the inevitability of betrayal.  He had accomplished so much, yet he had no experience with being valued.  He had simply never been close to anyone who had not abandoned or abused him, except for Mokuba, who he in turn had betrayed.  In the end, if he suspected me, he had even less faith in himself.

Terrible things had been done in my name.  An entire village had been sacrificed to create the puzzle which had housed me.  When I had first emerged, I had meted out horrible punishments in judgment to those whom I named Yugi's enemies.  They had been guilty, but the punishments had often greatly exceeded the crimes.  I had planned to kill Kaiba for stealing a card; a card that I now know had called to him irresistibly.  At times I wondered, was this dark spirit truly me?  Yugi, and even Kaiba himself, had helped me see that if it was a part of me, it was not all I was, or was capable of being.  It did not define me.  I tried to pass that lesson on to Kaiba, but there are some things that can only be learned through experience.

However, once the contest began, I forgot my doubts, and Kaiba's unspoken fears.  The duel absorbed us both.  Kaiba had re-created the surreal, almost disorienting sense of the Shadow Realm.  The demons were so real, that instead of being just a competition, it had become a drama, with each clash telling a story.  

It was now late in the game.  Kaiba had been wary of trying to assemble his Ultimate Dragon, cautious of my Defusion card.  He had finally succeeded in luring it out of my deck by attacking with different joined creatures.  I didn't realize he had added the two  cards needed to create the Skull Knight to his deck, although I should have: Tainted Wisdom must have appealed to his twisted sense of himself, and perhaps Ancient Brain was a nod in my direction.  For once, he picked the right Magical Hat.  It had collapsed into a shroud, before bursting into purple and black flame, taking my Dark Magician with it.  Kaiba looked at me and smiled.  I could picture him creating that effect, watching it over and over.  One Defusion card later, and Black Magic Girl, with a glint in her eye, along with Summon Skull, had gotten revenge.  

Now he was calling the Lord of Dragons to the field, Summoning Flute in hand.  He used his two Blue Eyes to clear my field.  The third must be in his hand.  It was what I had been waiting for.  I had three cards face down on the field.  I played Card Disposal, and sent both our hands to the graveyard, destroying his third Blue Eyes unplayed.  Then I turned over Change of Heart.  With sad eyes, my angel forced his mighty beasts to destroy each other in a clash of blinding blue lightening.  My turn was over.  The field was empty, except for my face down Mirror Shield; my protection against a potential attack.  But, the odds were that Kaiba, at this late stage, would not be able to draw a weaker monster to sacrifice or even to use as a shield.  And my Celtic Guardian was now in my hand, eager to deliver the final stroke in our battle.

Kaiba drew his next card and I saw him smile.  It wasn't his usual 'I'm about to win' smirk.  It was gentler, a smile of anticipation.  I knew which card he had drawn: Earth Reborn.  He had worked on the effects for a week, showing them to no one but Mokuba; telling me I would have to wait to see if he drew it in battle.

It was a smart move.  Not only was my Mirror Shield swept away, but with Earth Reborn, the normal summoning rules did not apply, any other card effects were cancelled, magic and trap cards were sent to the graveyard, our hands discarded, and our decks reshuffled.  We would have to draw the top card and play it on the field.  It would be a simple match of power against power, and the monster with the highest attack points would win the duel.  It was a gamble, but like all of Kaiba's actions, calculated.  At this stage of the game, he had many more powerful monsters than I.  Also, my deck was far more dependent on the magic and trap cards that now lay in my graveyard.

He held out the card theatrically, and set it with a flourish.  Along with the rest of the audience, I gasped in awe as the earth itself reared up in torment around us: volcanoes flared, mountains toppled, lightning split the sky as the world tore itself apart, and we were left in total darkness.  The profound absence of light was disquieting; menacing.  Then the night softened; blanketing us; holding us in its embrace.  Became the familiar darkness that had harbored Seto as he pieced his heart together.  I felt myself relax, as we stood for a moment in his comfortable silence.  

Then, in the East, came the first faint glow: it was the time before dawn, when darkness still rules, but the hope of day is present.  As my eyes adjusted to the slowly growing light, I could see we were on a beach; I could smell the sea.  The crowd was so silent, I could hear the far off cry of gulls.  

I marveled that this searingly personal vision of apocalypse and rebirth had been created by a man almost incapable of holding a conversation.  A man who communicated, even with Mokuba and me, mainly through grimaces and grunts, and the silences between his words.  As the faint, first rays of dawn crept over the horizon, I realized I was looking at Seto's voice.  That the inventions he created were just as much an expression of his soul as his deck.  And I realized, for the first time, the enormity of what Gozaburo had done to him when he had twisted Seto's designs into weapons of death.

But it was time for the duel to end….

He drew his last card.  I saw him square his shoulders, lift his head proudly, and I knew – he had drawn the losing card.  He was prepared to face this defeat as stoically as he faced his life, staring at his loss, his face an emotionless mask.  I wanted to shake him, remind him of all that he had accomplished today, and not just because his duel cuff was a success.  Throughout our battle, he had stayed himself.  He had fought me, not the ghost of his adoptive father.  And fleetingly, when his Rabid Horseman charged, or his dragons shimmered to life, he had seemed like a ten-year old who loved to play games.  I waited for him to turn the card….

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**  I know – it's mean of me to stick a cliff-hanger in here so late in the game (sorry, I never met a bad pun I didn't like.)  Actually I wasn't just being evil – the next part needs to be narrated by Seto Kaiba, and this was the most logical place for a break.  **Please review – and in _addition_ to telling me how sadistic I am – let me know what you think of the rest of the chapter!**

One thing that has always struck me is how little time Kaiba actually has to spend playing Duel Monsters, or even studying his deck.  At Battle City, everyone else basically gets to duel, eat, and hang around.  Well, okay, they're also either getting brainwashed by Malik, or trying to rescue each other from Malik.  But the point is – Kaiba does all of that, and it's in addition to organizing the tournament, enforcing its rules, tracking the Rare Hunters and the God Cards, trying to flush out and destroy the Rare Hinters, finishing and testing his duel disk, marketing it, creating plans for Kaiba Land, overseeing the construction of Kaiba Stadium, running an international corporation that's launching a major new product, and raising Mokuba (a full time job in and of itself.)  I mean the amount of work and responsibilities that make up his average day is overwhelming.  It's also something that everyone simply accepts as just being part of his life – no one ever comments on the pressure (okay, a lot of it self-imposed) that this guy operates under.

**Re-uploading Note:**  I found myself in a real setting-my-house-in-order mood.  It must be Cards ending soon.  Anyway, I fixed the continuity errors, made minor revisions to Chapters 6 & 7 and corrected a bunch of typos in Chapter 23.  Then, indulging my perfectionist streak (possibly I've been channeling Kaiba for too long) I made minor changes to "Jou's POV," and re-named it (thanks, again to Kagemihari) "Simply Complicated: A View from the Side."  I also made incredibly minor changes to "After Death-T," and renamed it, "Is there Life after Death-T?"  I'm probably the first writer saying this, but if you've read them already, don't bother with the re-uploaded versions, the changes were minor things that had started to bug me.  (The largest change was adding a paragraph about Malik to "Simply Complicated."

**Profile Update:**  I finally got around to putting a bunch of stuff on my profile.  I put up some out-takes from "I Guess it was in the Cards."  It's mainly stuff I cut out because it ended up parodying the characters.  I think it's pretty funny, so I guess I put it up to prove that I actually have a sense of humor.

**Upcoming Story Ideas:**  Some people were nice enough to ask if I'm planning on writing anything else.  Thank you – you have no idea how flattering that is!  So I also included descriptions of three story ideas I'm working on, and some sample lines on my profile.  Actually, considering the snail's pace at which I write, I have no idea if or when, I'll finish – making this a bit of a tease.  But, I can say that I won't start a story unless I know I'll finish it, no matter how long it gets.  Anyway, if you would like me to e-mail you when I finally start posting a new story, please e-mail me with your address.  But please leave a review of this chapter here first.

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS 

Animebay-b, Chibi Angelic Slayer, Desidera Kagenihari, samurai-ashes – **Duel:**  Desidera compared the duel to a final step that the characters must take to seal their commitment.  That's exactly what I was trying to convey.  These guys are duelist.  It's part of who they are.  They're both incredibly competitive – so competitive that earlier Yami makes the point that they are careful only to compete over things that don't matter to either of them.  But it seemed that they would reach the point where that wasn't good enough anymore, where they would have to see if they could hold onto their love, in the face of their own competitive natures.

Kaiba would fear this the most, partly because he doesn't have Yami's faith, and trust is more of a challenge for him, especially as his entire history has taught him that people aren't trust worthy.  But I also think he would see this as a necessary step, and as he's pointed out, he's never been one to back off from a challenge.

AnimeFan-Artemis, Blue September, Kagemihari, Lightning Sage, Red Dragon 4, samurai-ashes, Tokemi – **Character Development:**  I actually read Kaiba's narratives in sequence when I'm editing, because I'm trying to show his, at times halting progress towards being more open and more expressive.  I see him as having two intertwined challenges: to accept Yami's love, and to accept that he is a person worthy of being loved.

Crimson Violet Eyes, Female Yami/Yugi – **Kaiba and Yami:** For this reason (see above), I think their relationship has a lot of push and pull in it.  Kaiba can't let go of Yami, but he has a hard time accepting caring about someone, and being cared for.  I imagine there are times when he can't stand it.  Not only is he fighting his own conviction that everyone will abandon or abuse him in the end, but his own belief that this is what he deserves.  It's actually a sign of his determination and the depth of his love, that he hasn't given up, but continues to struggle against himself, and the walls of his upbringing.

I think they are well matched on an almost elemental level.  Kaiba has an almost unbreakable resolve and the ability to face life unflinchingly, and a willingness to risk everything for what he believes in, that I think Yami admires, and can even learn from.  He's also the only character who ever manages to surprise Yami – who Yami can't always predict, which I think must be refreshing.  And Yami has the balance that Kaiba desperately needs, as well as a kind of deep patience and devotion that lets him accept Kaiba for who and where he is.

Jargonelle – **Kaiba training Mokuba:**  I think Kaiba's certainly training Mokuba to be able to run Kaiba Corporation, either with him or alone.  He always refers to it as a family business, and I think he sees it as being part Mokuba's.  Whether that means running it with Mokuba or not, is I think, confused in his mind.  But I think he's training Mokuba because it's the only thing he can give him, and in a way, it's giving Mokuba part of himself.

Crimson Winter – **Yugi's friends: ** I think Yugi's friends must really push against Kaiba's comfort level.  And I do think, that given his childhood, he might judge people by whether they could have survived, and consider Yugi's friends as falling short.  I think he would make exceptions for people he felt that he owed something to, since he has a strong sense of obligation, like Yugi and Anzu.  I can't really ever picture him just wanting to hang out, though.  

Tokemi – **Atlas Moth:**  No, I never saw Silence of the Lambs – probably luckily.  I just had a picture of Kaiba with this huge, ugly bug in his mouth, and Yami laughing at him, and then had to figure out what this weird image meant.  Not knowing anything about bugs, I went to Barnes and Noble to look through a bug book for a really big ugly sucker that was native to Japan – and this seemed the worst.

Kagemihari, Red Dragon 4, samurai-ashes – **limes:**  Thanks.  Lime is one of my favorite colors.  Well, I like lemon, too.

Lone Wolf 55 – **DVDs**:  Glad you like the DVDs.  Subtitles are probably an acquired taste that some people never acquire.

Ligntning Sage – Thank you.  That was one of a few grammar errors that I have corrected.

Sunrise and Sunset – Thanks for reviewing.  I'm glad you're still finding the story interesting.  Hope the conclusion lives up to your expectations.


	27. Ch 25 Kaiba's Card

**Please Read and Review:**  Everyone's been great, and I would love to know how you think the conclusion's going.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  THIS IS THE END OF THE DUEL, BUT NOT THE END OF THE STORY.  THERE ARE 2 ½ CHAPTERS LEFT AFTER THIS ONE.

ADDITIONAL AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.

**CHAPTER 25:  KAIBA'S CARD**

**SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE**

I stared at the card in my hand.  I stood taller, and faced my lover, my rival.  I would face this defeat, as I faced my life, with pride.  I tried to tell myself that even at this moment, I should feel success, not failure.  My system had surpassed my wildest dreams.  I had put my soul into its creation, and it had rewarded me.  For the first time in a long time, I had picked up a deck and _played_.  Maybe I would even teach Mokuba.

Better still, my fears, which had seemed as real as my holographic monsters, had proved as insubstantial.  Yami was trying his hardest to win.  He would offer, and I would accept, no less than his best.  But for the first time, I had exposed my weaknesses to another human being – who had inexplicably refrained from destroying me.  Yami was dueling as if he saw some value in me beyond the end of the game.  As if this duel was the final proof of his love.

As I had drawn my last card, I had seen my life flash before my eyes, as a drowning man's is said to do.  I wouldn't know, myself – drowning wouldn't be my favorite form of self-destruction.

And the task before me was different, as was the challenge I desperately wanted to master: to accept my undeserved fortune.  I had a brother whom I had betrayed in the most profound way possible; and who accepted what I could not: that I had tried my best to protect him and failed.  That I could guard him from the orphanage bullies, from Gozaburo, but not in the end, from myself.  It wasn't that he didn't know.  It was that he looked at the sum total of my life and didn't care.  And for the first time, I wondered who's math was at fault – his, or mine?

I had a person, who even now, even in the privacy of my own mind, I could barely bring myself to call a lover – who loved me anyway.  Who would be waiting for me.  Who would leave the arena by my side.  Who would be with me tonight when the celebrations had faded away; who would be in my arms tomorrow as I faced the dawn.  This crimson-eyed spirit to whom I was bound; to whom I would hold.  Who had shattered my heart, and then made it his.

In our first duels, in the beginning, I had been comforted by the hope that Yami might be my death.  As I felt the warmth of my holographic sun on my face, I wondered when he had become my life instead.  And I wondered if I could learn to learn to accept Yami and Mokuba's verdict in place of my own; learn to accept mercy instead of judgment; learn to be happier than I deserved.

I looked across the expanse of sand that separated us.  The breeze had flicked his silly tri-colored hair – set it flying; just as it had lifted my bangs, revealing my eyes.  He was too far away.  I knew that.  But I willed myself to believe that if I could find the words, he would hear them.  And for once I wanted to say them out loud.  Now… before there was a winner and a loser in our match.  I needed to hear myself speak; and I would trust my conjured wind to carry my words… my feelings… home to him to him.  "Yami: you are the perfect Darkness that has illuminated my life.  In the game that begins as this one ends, I will match you move for move, and step for step.  Everything I am, all that I have – my fire, my loyalty, the gentleness I did not know was mine to give – belongs to you.  Forever."

I faced Yami and smiled.  Maybe it was time to become more than a collection of promises.

But it all came back to the card in my hand.  

Saggi.

The dark clown stared back at me, his smirk, so like my own, mocking my foolish hopes; tauntingly reminding me of the chances I had lost forever, the redemption I could never earn, the person I would never be, the love I would never deserve.

When Yami had asked me why I kept Saggi in my deck, I had dodged the question.  But I knew.  If the Blue Eyes were my pride and soul; Saggi was the pitiful child I had been.  The weakling who had carried Gozaburo's viruses into the world, as Saggi carried the crush card on his bent back.  For as much as I have tried to change, to be worthy of my Blue Eyes, of Mokuba's love, I carried Saggi, as I carried my past, a burden I feared I would never be rid of.  

For in the end, I could not deny Saggi his place in my deck.  I could not fight him any more than I could continue fighting Gozaburo from beyond the grave.  I could only try to accept my defeats.  To accept that although I had lost myself; had come so close to losing Mokuba – at least I could take pride in playing, always, to win.  In taking my cards without complaint and throwing them down fearlessly.  In playing to the best of my ability the hand that life had dealt.

But it all came down to the card in my hand.

Saggi.

And his mere 600 attack points.

I set my card, and heard the crowd gasp as Saggi cringed across the arena.  I faced Yami, staring him in the eye.  My face was calm.  If I was to lose, once again, as a dark clown, I would at least face defeat with the pride of a dragon.  

I saw a hint of grim recognition in Yami's eyes, and knew that he too was remembering our conversation.  Slowly I saw Yami draw out his card, the card that would end the match.  He set it in the holder, without looking at it.  

I stared at the image that came to life, and blinked.  But he was still there when I opened my eyes… as cute, cuddly and helpless as when I designed him.  His wide eyes were rolling at me in greeting.  The weakest card in the game.

Kuriboh.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**   Does it feel like blasphemy for Kaiba to finally win?  Originally, when Cards didn't have a name and was still in the scribbles-on-scraps-of-paper stage, I had thought of having the Dark Magician defeat Saggi, as a sort of Yami saving Seto metaphor.  But somewhere before the getting-on-the-computer stage,  I realized my story was saying something different.  That what I actually believe is that Yami can't save Kaiba.  The most he can do is help inspire Kaiba to save himself, but ultimately, Kaiba is the only one who can decide what to make of his life.  Then I thought of Yami telling Kaiba in the Alcatraz duel that they were evenly matched, but that Kaiba couldn't win until he tried to defeat the demons of anger and bitterness in his own heart.  I thought about the Earth Reborn card, and what Kaiba was saying with it; and I knew, this once, Saggi had to win.

BTW, there was a bit of sleight of hand (another bad card pun) with Saggi in the earlier chapter where I described their decks.  Saggi was the only card that didn't get a lengthy description.

Well, it's the end of the duel, but not quite the end of the story.  We all know how Kaiba handles defeat (badly) – the question is, does he handle victory any better?

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**:  I'd like to thank everyone for telling me what you thought of the chapter, instead of (or in addition to) telling me how evil I was for leaving you with a cliff hanger.

AnimeFan-Artemis, Anonymous, Jargonelle, Kagemihari, Lightning Sage. samurai-ashes, Tuulikki – **Earth Reborn and the duel:  **The Earth Reborn card was made up for the story.  Actually the image came first.  I started to think about how this story is to a certain extent about rebirth or renewal – in the sense that Yami has been reborn into his own body, and Kaiba is learning to feel again.  So I tried to think about what that would look like to Kaiba.  How he might express that through game effects, since he has such a hard time expressing his emotions in words, and is more used to showing himself through his inventions.  I wanted Yami to understand that he was looking at Seto's voice, and I wanted an image strong enough to do that.  After I had figured out what the card looked like, I tried to figure out what it needed to do, so that the duel could end in a showdown between Saggi and Kuribo.  That's why one of the card's effects is that magic and trap cards are discarded.  

The duel was then written backwards, trying to figure out what cards had to be played to lead up to that point, both in terms of the duel, and the meaning of the cards themselves.  For example, I wanted the cards representing Kaiba's strength to be destroyed, so he was left with only the card that he felt represented his weaknesses.

Kagemihari – **Kaiba and weapons:**  I agree – I think of Gozaburo turning Seto's designs into weapons was a real violation, because Kaiba puts so much of himself into his creations.  I think he is a true artist in this way.  In the manga, Kaiba cries out that Gozaburo sold his soul to the military – and I think he means that literally.  I think this is something that he can't quite forgive himself for, and it ranks up there with Death-T in his mind, which is why I often couple them together.  

Chibi Angelic Slayer – **Does Kaiba really believe that they're just using each other:**  No, I don't think Kaiba really believes that – he certainly hopes it's not true.  But it's what he's used to, so in an odd way, it's comfortable and familiar to him.  So in times of stress, it's the position he goes back to, or tries to.  When Yami asks for his trust, he can give that to him mainly because he can't deny Yami something that's important to him, but his basic expectation of life is that it will betray him, so that's the feeling he returns to. 

Desidera, Jargonelle, Kagemihari, Lightning Sage, samurai-ashes Tuulikki – **Mokuba, Yami and family:**  Sometimes I put things in without realizing quite why I'm doing it.  Until I read your reviews, I hadn't realized that not only am I have I been telling a story about a romance between Yami and Seto, but also how they are coming together as a family.  And I find them an endearingly screwed up family, because in spite of their many quirks, they really do care about each other very deeply.  I also think it would be natural for Mokuba to try to comfort (at times in a rather heavy-handed way) anyone he cared about.  And he's certainly used to explaining Kaiba to the world.

 Samurai-ashes – **Kaiba staying himself:**  In their duels, it's striking how often Kaiba is fighting something other than his opponent.  At Duelist Kingdom, he's fighting his despair over letting down Mokuba, at Alcatraz, he's clearly fighting his father.  So I thought it would be important to show him actually fighting the duel going on at the moment, and to show him, even slightly, reclaiming his ability to play.

Sunrise and Sunset – **Yugi-taachi:**  Your question made me realize something.  All along, I've had the ability to expand the story, and explore areas that I thought were interesting, or that reviewers pointed out.  (And I can't believe how lucky I've been, having so many thoughtful people helping me out through their comments!) But there's only 2 ½ chapters left – and I'm finally out of time.  Everything is pointed towards a conclusion.  It's actually the one I envisioned when I first started writing this – and about the only thing that hasn't changed along the way.  

Cards is almost told, and there's simply no room to go back to the Yugi-taachi.  I had originally planned to have only Kaiba and Yami narrate the story.  Then I decided to include Mokuba and Yugi, since their opinions could alter the relationship.  (I couln't imagine either Kaiba or Yami staying in a relationship that made their aibous unhappy.)  But that doesn't apply to Yugi's friends.  While Yami would prefer that they and Kaiba liked each other, I don't think he would end their relationship if his friends disapproved.

To briefly answer your question:  Although most of Yugi's friends try at one point or another to befriend Kaiba, I actually think in a way, they aren't willing to accept Kaiba for who he is – which is an emotionally distant, inexpressive, troubled young man, who is never going to be comfortable being part of their circle.  In the Battle City arc, it's notable that Yami is the only one who seems to understand him.  Like everyone thinks that he's upset simply because he's lost; whereas Yami understands that Kaiba is facing his own demons now, and trying to deal with them as best he can.  When everyone thinks Kaiba is going to blow himself up at Alcatraz because he can't face losing, Yami correctly predicts that he's planning some dramatic escape.  I've gone into Jounouchi's POV in a side fic, and Yugi's in an earlier chapter.  I think Anzu gets so angry at Kaiba because she expects more from him.  I think she's impatient with him because she sees his potential.  But I also think she might approve of his and Yami's relationship, and I think she admires Yami too much to doubt his judgment.

I agree that this interaction is interesting.  I also think exploring a (platonic, please) connection between Sugoroku and Kaiba would be interesting – sort of like the ultimate loner and the world's grandfather.  Maybe I should have included more, but at this point, Cards is what it is, and there's no time left to go into other areas.  So, while I agree the relationship between Kaiba and the Yugi-taachi is interesting, it's something that will simply have to wait for another story.  I also conceived of this story as an intense, interior story, so I think more on the Yugi-taachi will fit in better elsewhere.

animebay-b, crimson violet eyes, Desidera, Ice Rose Dragon Gurl, Jargonelle, laura m, LeafkiD – **Kaiba, Yami, character development:**  I tried to show Kaiba gradually changing, moving in fits and starts towards accepting Yami, and towards trying to accept himself.  Although the Kaiba has changed (I hope grown), I also tried to keep him the same basic person.  For almost his entire life, Kaiba would have had to have been an idiot not to have gotten the message that in the end, he could rely on no one but himself.  I think he would need to experience someone caring about him to really understand that his life doesn't have to be like this, that the pattern of his life isn't set in stone.  I also think he has a strong sense of justice and integrity.  He may recognize no rules but the ones he sets for himself, but he then follows them.  So I think it would be a struggle for him to accept some of the things he's done.   

samurai-ashes, Tuulikki – **Kaiba and time:**  I agree.  It's a good thing the manga makes the point that he hardly ever sleeps.  I love it when they show everyone else asleep, and Kaiba's at the computer.  But I find his accomplishments impressive, especially considering what an emotional mess he is.  And I've always thought his workload and overwhelming list of responsibilities gets kind of taken for granted.

Female Yami/Yugi – Thank you, although I've never studied psychology (I'm really bad at remembering theories) I've thought a lot about these characters and how they might feel or act, so I'm glad that comes across.

Smoocher of Evil – Thank you for writing in.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.


	28. Ch 26 Another Party

**Please read and review:**  Thanks for your continued comments

PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY 

AUTHOR'S NOTES AND RESPONSES TO REVIEWS ARE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER

**CHAPTER 26: ANOTHER PARTY**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

It was hard losing, even to my lover.  For the first time I felt Kaiba's burning desire for a rematch, for revenge.  And I saluted a quality I had never granted him before: the resiliency to try to move on to a better dream than mere victory.  It seems that the gods he refused to believe in had rewarded him.  For ultimately, he had stared down his own demons, not mine. 

And in the end, my bitterness at losing was less than my desire to share in his triumph, though it was a nearer thing than I would have admitted to anyone – except Seto, who knew it already.  Thankfully, he did not offer sympathy, but something better, a wordless glance of understanding and an embrace, as we left the arena; still my rival and my lover.

I could not forget the words his gentle zephyr had brought me.  Words that had left me as shaken and stunned as he now was by his sudden victory.  He had offered himself to me so unreservedly, that the force of his devotion had left me speechless even to accept… until Kuriboh had become my voice.  And I was grateful that my heart had truly resided in the cards tonight.

Kaiba Corporation's main office was the tallest building in Domino.  The top floor was one enormous circular room, with floor to ceiling windows.  It was only used for special occasions, Kaiba had sneered, like Board of Directors meetings… or the suicide of its founder.  Now Kaiba, with his usual sense of irony, had opened it for the celebration of his latest toy.  The party was by invitation, and only duelists were welcome.  Kaiba met with his executives in his office downstairs.  

They were his new Board of Directors, but already they looked fed up with his moods and eccentricities.  They didn't seem pleased to have to follow the orders of the "boy genius," as they dismissively referred to him, no matter how rich he was likely to make them.  I wondered how long this group would last.

I had thought that the meeting would give Kaiba a chance to settle down, to absorb his victory, but he looked even more shaken, as we went upstairs to the party.  He had avoided my question earlier, but I had seen his eyes when he drew Saggi.  I now knew what that card had meant to him.  To have watched his precious Blue Eyes White Dragons destroy each other – only to be saved by the card that represented his self loathing and despair – had been almost too much for his equilibrium.  It was strange that a man so physically intrepid, with so much endurance and determination, should be so emotionally fragile.  But his training and his reputation stood him in good stead.  He moved through the party, silent and unapproachable; I doubt anyone noticed anything amiss.  

Mokuba, as usual, was celebrating enough for both Kaiba brothers.  I had saved him from Pegasus.  He had cried himself to sleep in my lap.  Now he danced around the room with uncontainable excitement, grinning at me with undisguised glee at his Nisama's victory.  He finally fell asleep, despite the noise, on a couch as usual.  Kaiba had mumbled something about putting him to bed and disappeared.

Only Kaiba, I thought in exasperation, would walk out on his own victory party.  Only Kaiba could leave without anyone noticing his absence.  In truth, everyone was too involved with his invention, to spare a thought for its creator.

He had given each of the guests a duel cuff, and everyone was eager to see their favorite cards.  Impromptu duels were springing up throughout the enormous room.  As I saw my friends' cards come to life, it occurred to me what an acute observer Seto had been, as he had sat there, silent and withdrawn, through those evenings at the Turtle Game Shop.  The Flaming Swordsman had Jounouchi's mischievous glint in his eyes, and the same reckless grin.  The Black Magic Girl was not all fluff, but had some of Anzu's steel, as she stood on her dancer's legs.  The Harpy Lady rose, tall and deadly, but her eyes held the same courage and hint of vulnerability that Mai had shown as she tried to summon God.

Finally everyone packed up their decks and went home.  The staff came to clean.  Kaiba had not returned.

I didn't worry until I got back to the mansion.  Mokuba was in bed.  There was no sign of Seto.  I went to our room and saw his deck, still in its solid gold duel cuff, in the middle of our bed.  Another deck had been placed on my pillow.  I picked it up and sat down in shock.  Seto had painstakingly recreated Yugi's entire deck.  Now we each had our own matching, identical, set of cards.  Yugi and I could even duel each other.  I looked at the last monster, and the Dark Magician gazed back at me.  Seto had carefully attached a note:  "The deck is yours.  But give this card to Yugi instead.  Sometimes only the original will do."

I could have fingered my familiar cards as I waited, but I went through Seto's deck instead, unable to believe he had left it behind.  One of his Blue Eyes still had a trace of blood in the corner; he had thrown it at Malik's minion to save our lives.  His Empress Judge was scratched.  He had used it to jam the gun of one of Pegasus's henchman.  I was torn between affection and annoyance – was everything Seto owned a potential weapon?

I sat there waiting, as the night grew older; staring at his dragons as if to see Seto's soul reflected in their blue eyes.  I remembered how stunned he had looked, and I couldn't help but wonder: just how had Seto chosen to celebrate his victory?

**Please Read and Review:**  I know – this cliff-hanger is even more sadistic than the last one.  It's also necessary to set up the ending, and not just purely from a desire to torture the people patient enough to keep reading this.  Everyone was great the last time, so I'm asking once again – in addition to telling me how evil I am, please let me know what you thought of the chapter.  Thanks.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** One thing that has always struck me is that no matter how much Yugi's friends at times dislike or distrust Kaiba, they love his inventions.  I've always found this curious, since his inventions are so much a part of him.

I've always been struck by how necessary Kaiba's losses at Death-T and Alcatraz were.  How, ironically, he needed to lose in order to grow as a person.  But here, I felt, a victory was needed, another loss would have negated his struggle.  I think Yami realized that.  I don't think he 'let' Kaiba win, but that his cards were guided by his heart.  However, I still think it would have stung his pride a little (or more than a little), and it would have been difficult for such a proud, competitive person to accept defeat – that maybe that was the final proof of his love.

**Deck Note:** As those following the manga translations know, Yugi created his own original deck, so they now have two separate decks.  However, I wrote this long before the storyline reached that point, and I like the idea of them having matching decks – especially as this one was created originally by Sugoroku.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

animebay-b, AnimeFan-Artemis, anonymous, Crimson Nightmare, Crimson Violet Eyes, Jargonelle, Kagemihari, Shadowfire, Yamato795 – **Kaiba's victory, Saggi and Kuriboh:**  I received so many perceptive reviews, that I have little to add.  I felt that just as Kaiba's earlier losses were necessary, another one would send the wrong message.  I wanted Kaiba's final card to be Saggi, because that was the card that symbolized his flaws and his defeats, and he has to be able to accept what that card represents – that it can't be simply an ongoing punishment.  Once I chose Saggi, to a certain extent the choice of Kuriboh was inevitable – it's the only card in Yami's deck that Saggi is capable of beating unaided.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I liked the symbolism – because of all the cards, I think Kuriboh represents the loving side of Yami; the side that would most want to see Kaiba triumph, not at Duel Monsters as a game, but over his own inner demons.  So while Yami didn't 'throw' the duel (I can't see him losing on purpose) out of pity (and I don't think he pities Kaiba either) I think the cards were guided by his heart. As to what's going through Kaiba's mind now – you'll have to wait until next chapter.

Shadowfire – **Death-T:**  Actually Death-T got me to write in the first place.  I had read a manga translation, and was stunned that K had been willing to kill Mokuba.  I kept trying to figure out how he had got to that point, and ended up writing a one-shot, _"Is there Life after Death-T?"_  It was the first piece of fiction I had ever written in my life.  I don't think I could write about Kaiba without including Death-T, because I see it as a pivotal moment in his life – equal in importance to his chess game with Gozaburo, or the loss of his parents.  Death-T is the moment when he lost himself so badly as to become a danger to Mokuba.  For Kaiba, the entire rest of the storyline is about him coming back from that moment.  Also I think those early duels show a real connection between Yami and Kaiba.  There's a lot of anger there, but Yami is surprisingly gentle with Kaiba – there's a real sense that he wants to help him overcome his dark side as well as punish him for his actions.

samurai-ashes – **Teaching Mokuba to play:** Games seem to be such a charged subject in the Kaiba house.  At Death-T, it's Mokuba's challenge of Yami that helps to drive Kaiba over the edge.  At that point, he really believes that losers deserve to die, and that if Mokuba is old enough to be a gamer, he's old enough to take the consequences.  So I think they would both be a little scared of playing each other.  I think for Kaiba to be able to teach Mokuba to play Duel Monsters would be a sign of healing.

Crimson Nightmare, Desidera, samurai-ashes, vegata999 – **Kaiba and Yami:** Quite a few people compared the duel to a marriage proposal and acceptance.  I really liked the analogy, although it wasn't consciously in my mind when I wrote it.  I was, however trying to show the characters falling very deeply in love and using the duel and the cards to express this and their commitment to each other – which when you think about it _is_ (hopefully) exactly what's involved in a marriage.

Smoocher of Evil – **2 ½ chapters:**  Yeah, that makes no sense.  The next update will end the story.  It's in two parts, but the first part is so short, I couldn't bring myself to call it a chapter – so I counted it as a ½ chapter.  Then I rewrote it, and made the really short chapter a little bit longer, adding to the confusion.

Sunrise and Sunset – **Sequel:**  I find it hard good-bye to these guys too.  I find myself involved in their struggles and joys, as if I'm not the one making this all up – almost as if they exist outside of myself.  But this story is almost told, and when the words "Complete" go up on the summary, there'll be nothing more I can say about this particular pair.  Although I do have other story ideas, all of which involve the Kaiba brothers, and (sometimes) Yami.  I'm glad that you've enjoyed the story, and want to read more.  I can't think of a nicer compliment.

Female Yami/Yugi – Thank you for the high grade.    I started out trying to tell myself a story.  I'm thrilled so many others have enjoyed it.


	29. Ch 27 Homecoming

I'M POSTING CHAPTER 27 AND THE EPILOGUE TOGETHER.  **RESPONSES TO REVIEWS** ARE AT THE END OF CHAPTER 27 AND **AUTHOR'S NOTES** ARE AT THE END OF THE EPILOGUE.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW…

.

**CHAPTER 27A:  RUNNING**

**SETO KAIBA'S NARRATIVE**

THE NIGHT FOLLOWING THE DUEL 

I was running.  From my cards, from my victory, from my promises.  From myself.

Damn Saggi.

He had tricked me and freed me at the same time.

His sneering face had spurred me to reveal my heart.  Maybe living with a 3,000 year-old ex-pharaoh had finally driven me over the edge, but I knew that I could never offer myself as a tribute to a conqueror.  So I had to promise myself to Yami, quickly, before claiming my inevitable defeat.  

...And then I had won.

Saggi might have set the trap, but I was the one who took the bait; sentencing myself to a lifetime of Yami's love.  I would have thanked Saggi for that.  But he went further.  But I went further.  To crown my folly, I had made another promise – to myself of all people.

I was used to making promises to Mokuba.  I had never wasted one on myself.

But as I had stood there, facing Yami, with Saggi in my hand – for the first time I saw myself, not as the traitor who had betrayed his brother at Death-T, nor as the fiend who had designed all those weapons for Kaiba Corporation.  Oh, that part of me still existed; was carved in stone as deeply as an ancient Duel Monster.  For while Yami might have broken the darkness that had swallowed me whole, he could not remove the guilt and self-hatred which were its residue.

And that was fair.  I deserved to carry that burden for the rest of my life, just as my crush and virus cards would stay in my deck for as long as my weapons were in the world.

So many of my victories – over Gozaburo, over Sugoroku, over Yami at Duelist's Kingdom – had been pyrrhic ones; each containing the seeds of my eventual defeat.  Yet this new victory seemed untainted, seemed to contain the seeds of the true future I had been straining to reach, instead.  It now lay before me (frighteningly close)… ready for my grasp.

I finally realized what Mokuba and Yami had been trying to tell me… that the avatar I had believed to be my true self was, in fact, only my shadow.  A wraith I had never been able to see beyond until Yami had covered its darkness with his own.

Giving me a glimpse of a person who was neither a demon nor a sacrifice, but simply a man.  Whose strengths and weaknesses, like his victories and defeats, were so intertwined that it would be impossible to pick them apart – and madness to try.

A man who was somehow still standing amid the wreckage of his past.  Like a warrior after a battle, stunned to find that he had survived.  Yet standing, still standing.  Suddenly seeing, amid the ruins, a future he had wanted too badly to believe in.

I could not deny that the promise I  made then was what Mokuba and Yami wanted for me.    For I promised to find that man.  To lead him to that future.  To cling to him, as I clung to Yami; as I have always clung to Mokuba, without realizing it.

I shrugged.  I knew there would be times when I would stumble along the way; when my grip would falter.  But I would keep faith, as best I could.  With Yami.  With Mokuba.  With myself.  

There was no going back.  My victory had sealed my vows.  

.

**CHAPTER 27B:  HOMECOMING**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

**THE NEXT MORNING**

It was late when I finally laid aside his Blue Eyes White Dragons.  Held his Vampire Lord in my hands instead.  I smiled remembering how this demon felt the pain of each defeat, yet rose again with each new round, eager to face the challenges that lay ahead – never content to remain peacefully within his graveyard.  And I hoped Seto's heart was still in his cards….

It was just before dawn, the hour he had depicted so well as Earth Reborn, when the front door finally opened and Seto stepped over the threshold.  I would have screamed at him, for I had begun to fear that I would never see him again, but the look in his burning blue gaze stopped me.  Wordlessly he held out his left arm and thrust the sleeve up.  Filling the space created by the burn was a tattoo, deep blue hieroglyphs edged in black.  I had never noticed before: the scar was shaped like a blade.  

Seto held his arm out so I could read the ancient writing.  I smiled.  The few people who could read it would only see Kaiba at his most arrogant, celebrating his victory.  For the large glyphs read: "The King of Games."  Only I would notice the smaller hieroglyphs, almost lost in the blue and gold flames of the decorative border.  They completed the sentence:  "I am bound to… I will hold to… I cherish… The King of Games."

.

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:**  I was trying to add to Kaiba's narrative in this chapter, and was having trouble.  Then in an e-mail, samurai ashes said that one thing that struck her about Kaiba was that he was 'still standing' and I had the narrative.  So I'd like to thank her.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

Desidera, samurai-ashes – **Kaiba leaving party:**  I was trying to show he was pretty shaken by what had happened.  Also, given how little he likes being around people, (even at Battle City he usually communicates with the crowd via a screen from his blimp) I thought he would look for the earliest possible excuse to leave.  I agree, it was sad, but I think true, that no one would notice.

Desidera – **Yami letting him go:**  Yami could see how shaken he was, yet he let him leave, without trying to follow him.  To me this is part of what makes their relationship work: Yami has the strength and patience to let Kaiba come to things in his own way and time, and is willing to accept (although he clearly doesn't like it) that Kaiba may not make the right decisions.

samurai-ashes – **Kaiba giving Yami his own deck:**  Part of the story was also about Kaiba (at times by example) helping Yami come to terms with being his own, independent person.  So, to me, him having his own, matching deck, symbolized that Kaiba understood how joined they were, but it was also a sort of 'coming of age' present.

Desidera – **Kaiba's feelings:**  I think Kaiba is very direct in his thoughts, but very uncomfortable revealing them, because he thinks of emotions as a potential weakness.  So I think of him as someone who has very strong emotions, with very little facility for expressing them.

Desidera, Kagemihari – **Yami and losing:** I think Yami recognized that for Kaiba to win really was about the heart of the cards.  He tells Kaiba at Alcatraz that they are evenly matched – Kaiba doesn't lose because he's a worse player or because he makes a mistake, but because of the message of the duel.  I tried to create the same sense here.  But even, knowing that, Yami is the King of Games – so I think it would be hard for him to lose – and I think Kaiba, who is an equally fierce competitor, would be the person most likely to understand that.

Chibi Angelic Slayer, laura, Tokemi  – **cliff hanger:**  I wasn't simply being evil.  I wanted to show how shaken Kaiba was, and give the sense that the emotional upheaval was great enough that any action was possible.  However, I have to admit, it was fun seeing people try to decide if I was the kind of lunatic who would string readers along for 26 chapters only to kill off my main character in Chapter 27.  And I have to admit on some days the idea had its own twisted appeal.  But this is a story about life, not death.

AnimeFan-Artemis, Crimson Violet Eyes, Female Yami/Yugi, Kaiba's Kobito, Kathy, Leland Lancaster, Light Spirit Sage, Lightning Sage, Sunrise and Sunset – thank you for your continued encouragement.  I can't believe how long some of you have stayed with this story, and welcome to all the newcomers.  When I started I didn't believe I could write feelings or thoughts on paper, so, I guess, I've never stopped appreciating the response this story has gotten.


	30. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

**YAMI'S NARRATIVE**

I would like to say that night solved all of Seto's problems, resolved all of his doubts.  But he remains very much a work in progress, as I suppose do I.  Despite his best efforts, there is still a sense that he walks lightly on this earth, and what will happen when Mokuba turns 18, and he decides he's finally redeemed his last promise is anyone's guess.

He once told me that from the moment he saw Gozaburo, he had made his plans; that each day was just another step along the road he had built.  He said it with such weariness, that I sometimes wonder if he is capable of killing himself simply because it might be the last item to be checked off on some internal list.  And knowing Kaiba's methodical nature, I find it hard to believe that he had started this journey without having a destination in mind.

Yet I see hopeful signs too.  He has finally taught Mokuba his game, and helped him build a deck.  It is a quicksilver deck, like Mokuba himself – designed to ensnare the unwary, and full of creatures of light and enchantment – with all the trap and magic cards to protect them that Seto denies himself.  Mokuba, of course, had absorbed the strategy from his years at Kaiba's side, but he will never rival his brother's ability.  Thankfully, he does not have Kaiba's cold calculation, nor his burning need to win.  He isn't interested in formal competitions, but prefers playing with his friends, for the sheer fun of it.  He can beat Anzu already, and it won't be long until he topples Jounouchi.  Seto can't wait to see the look on Jou's face when he loses to a second Kaiba brother.  Seto, of course, is Mokuba's favorite opponent, and I love watching him struggle not to crush his little brother.  But although he plays without his trademark ruthlessness, he will not let Mokuba win, and growls at me when I do so.  We have fought again, but that duel at the newly completed Kaiba Stadium remains his one true victory.  We have silently agreed to call Duelists' Kingdom a draw.

He still will only leave the house with his trench coat billowing behind him, his modern day armor against the world.  But in the privacy of the mansion grounds, he has started to swim.  He seems secure in the knowledge that Mokuba and I have already seen and accepted his scars.  He is surprisingly buoyant in the water.  He wears t-shirts around the house now, black or deep blue, of course, and the tattoo glows against his pale skin.  I hope it is another promise.

Anzu had seen it from the beginning.  We are quite a pair.  I am an ancient spirit who has been newly reborn, and Kaiba was, indeed, raised by wolves.  I have been conscious for 3,000 years; Seto has walked this earth for 17.  I have a past that I can not remember, Seto has one that he can not forget.

Yugi is, and will always be, my light.  I am drawn to his joy, his courage, the love he so effortlessly expends on his family and friends.  Loving Yugi is as natural as absorbing Ra's light and reflecting it back.  I would have stayed with him happily, curled snugly in his consciousness forever.  But Yugi desired a more conventional destiny and I had left him free to pursue it; to learn that Anzu loved him truly, and not just as a reflection of our union.

Being part of Yugi was like being part of the innocence and hope in the world.  Embracing Seto has meant embracing its passion and suffering; finding value in its unceasing struggle.  Yet as Yugi's light draws me, so too does Seto's darkness.  His relentless torturous path towards redemption, towards understanding, mirrors my own.

The fire in his dragon's soul has kindled my heart.  And I find myself loving even those traits that once angered me most: his too-ready assumption of burdens far too heavy to bear, his stubborn refusal to accept the help he so desperately needs to carry them.  I find myself smiling at the way he recklessly challenges life, as if fate was just another adversary on the field.  Even his very inexpressiveness moves me, now that he has revealed himself in all his flawed beauty. 

 The Blue Eyes White Dragon is more than the Dark Magician's nemesis; he is its mate.  This dragon, in whom darkness and light have finally become one: in the blaze of his anger, the brilliance of his dreams, the heat of his love.

Not that Seto would use the 'L' word, as he flippantly refers to it, as if to deny its power.  Yet I am not fooled, will never be fooled again.  He has shown himself to be capable of great steadfastness, passion and even trust.  And I have seen his Dark Magician.  It is only the words, as always, that elude him.  But I have learned to hear his silent language.

I still don't know what happened between us in the past, but it no longer matters.  Now I have him in my arms, to love and to hold.  He is mine, and I will never relinquish him again.

I had thought my remaining memories gone.  They were the price I had paid to remain in this world, to finally live out a normal span.  But suddenly, as I lay beside my sleeping dragon, I saw us, facing each other, as we had stood in the stone tablet Isis had showed me; the tablet I have seen so often in my dreams.  And I knew I was finally seeing the scene that had been recorded there.

_._

_"Damn you! Do you realize what you've done?" Seto raged at me. "You've sealed yourself in that puzzle for the next 3,000 years."_

_"You know it's the only way.  The power of the items needs a vessel – me.  Egypt requires a pharaoh – you." I replied._

_"So my insane father will get his wish.  You will disappear and his son will rule.  Who says that crime doesn't pay?" he spat out bitterly.  "I'll lose you forever."_

_"Maybe, if the fates are kind, we will find each other again." I said to comfort him._

_"I don't intend to rely on fate.  I prefer to make my own destiny."  He suddenly grabbed my puzzle, held it in his cupped hands.  It glowed softly as he swore, "I will never rest until I find you again.  No grave shall hold me.  No life shall have meaning, until the life I share with you."_

_"Do you realize what you've done?" I echoed.  You've sealed your promise on my puzzle.  It will hold you for as long as it binds me.  You've damned yourself."_

_"Too late.  My father damned me long ago, when he sacrificed a village to gain the power to make me pharaoh."_

_"Do you think this is what I wanted for you?" I cried out, "I was trying to protect you."_

_His smile did not warm his icy blue gaze.  "Then come find me in 3,000 years or so.  If not…" he shrugged, "You should have known that you couldn't protect me from myself."_

.

As the vision faded, I snuggled up to my priest, warm and safe in my arms, and held him closer.  "Ah, but I can try." I thought.

.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW:  I know I no longer have updates to entice you with, but I'd really like to know what you thought about the ending and just what struck you about the story in general, now that it's over.  I guess I'm going to have a hard time saying good-bye to these guys, so I'd appreciate hearing from you.

It's funny, but one of the perks of writing a story is that you occasionally get to have one of your characters say something you believe.  Like Kaiba, I believe there are no happy endings, because as long as you're alive, nothing really ends (and for those left, even death provides less closure than you'd think.)  But I also believe that one of a story's jobs is to repair life's little deficiencies, so I wanted my story to truly end, even while keeping the sense that the character's lives go on.

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENT**:  Although he'll never read this, I'd like to thank Kazuki Takahashi for creating such vibrant characters.  I hope you don't mind that I borrowed them for a long journey of my own. 

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**  Well, it's been a long journey, and I'd like to thank everyone who stuck it out with me.  I learned a lot of things along the way: that a tattoo can actually be applied over a burn (I went into a tattoo parlor and asked); that blimps are filled with helium and not hot air; that kitsure soba sounds better than it tastes; and that I never want to see an Atlas Moth caterpillar.

Most of all, I learned that I was more creative than I thought; that I could go from telling myself stories in my head to writing one down.  And I learned that if I trusted my characters enough… if I let them become real to me… then I could pass that along to the people reading.

So I guess I also learned that although I had always thought that reading and writing were solitary activities, this felt like being part of a community.  Cards took six months to tell.  If I took another six months, I couldn't say how much it meant to me to see all the people who took the time to review.  Along the way, it helped me think more deeply about the characters, about how Yami would feel outside of his puzzle, or what kind of relationship Mokuba and Yami would have, or whether Kaiba would be jealous of Yugi.  It also reminded me that it wasn't enough to know the answer in my head, that I was sharing a story as much as telling one.

I'd like to thank Kagemihari and samurai ashes and Crimson Violet Eyes for always listening and talking, and all the people who reviewed, often week after week, and who I started to look for:: Angel Yami-ko, animebay-b, AnimeFan-Artemis, Blue September, Callisto Firestarter, Ceresi, Cherrii, Chibi Angelic Slayer, Crimson Violet Eyes, Crimson Winter, Dai-na1, Desidera, Female Yami/Yugi, Jargonelle, laura m, Leland Lancaster, Lightning Sage, lil puplflwr, Lone Wolf 55, Mistress of Dragons, mrsbinx 1013, OrangeGirlExplosion, Red Dragon 4, Rowan and Sakura,  Ryo0oki, Sailor Pride and Yumi-Chan, Seth-the lonely soul, Seto Kaiba's-Fan, Shadowfire, Smoocher of Evil, Solitaire and Xpyne, Spirit Star, Sunrise and Sunset, Sword Master Jeff, Tammi1, Tainted Fortune, Tokemi, Tuulikki, Unintentional Nightmare, Unsolvable Riddle, Vegeta999,Yamato 795, and of course my anonymous reviewer.  I'd also like to thank everyone who took the time and trouble to let me know what they thought of my story and ask questions or offer suggestions: Angelic Slayer, Blackkightmare, cerridwen 10, DBZEcoGoth, Fallen Angel, IceRoseDragonGurl,  Hioki, Kael Kalespel, Kaiba's Kobito, Katarzynal K Yue, Kathy, LeafkiD, Light Spirit Sage, lil angel, mezu, mOoNiTe-rApHsOdY, Nii Geni, Pamster, Riku, Silver Mist 4, Solitaire, ssjmiratrks, swoot, and Zoe.

~oswari~


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